《The Dark Times》Article 4: Recipe Page: Hummus
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(Warning: humans may not enjoy some of these ingredients. We highly recommend you do not inform them of these recipe changes and lie through your teeth if challenged.)
Hummus is a healthy human food designed and made in the middle east, made out of chickpeas, crushed and pasted sesame seeds, a little lemon juice, fresh garlic, cumin, salt and olive oil with some added water
It a popular side dish that many humans may recognise and enjoy but for most of our readers, the flavour can be dull, not sustainable, and in some cases downright deadly.
The recipe is easily accessible online with a large variety of styles, but we're here to remove any dangerous ingredients while blending in with your human neighbours.
If you are allergic to the fresh garlic or simply find its taste disgusting, we suggest removing it from the recipe and replacing it with Devil's Claw. This plant is helpful in many ways. It can alleviate those stiff joints that some of us suffer from and affect the taste receptors to make the hummus more palatable. It also causes diarrhoea, great for disrupting any Grimless (human) party.
Where you are forced into continued human contact, add ginger as a replacement instead.
To those requiring sustenance in their hummus, the tried and tested recipe is as follows: Add one piece of Special H Meat to a blender. This addition may make humans nervous and distrustful due to its vibrant colour that will come out of the end product so for this if surrounded by humans we suggest adding white blood cells to keep the colour, smell and taste to a minimum, white blood cells are easily collected from any of our local markets, or tell them it is beetroot.
For a better consistency digits are recommended. We first suggest draining the tinned variety as best you can before blending them as formaldehyde adds a bad aftertaste to the recipe. Add some Devils Claw, but not too much, add a tablespoon of lemon juice to active the taste, add olive oil to help it go down and add a little water to smooth it out, and you have the perfect hummus for all occasions.
Our Special hopes to see you again soon for our next recipe.
By Starfury
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