Bucklinton ThriceBlad of the Lightning of Holytoes looked at the fortress he and his men were surrounding.

Well, they weren't his men. They belonged to Captain Bickerus Do Longius Flappiness the Third holy fuck these names are long.

Bucklinton ThriceBlad of the Lightning of Holytoes ignored the voice in his head, the priests would exercise the demon when the battle was, hey I'm right here you bitch.

"How are Thou art Bucklinton ThriceBlad of the Lightning of Holytoes? This city shall fall by the light of our power and the destruction of the demons that keep these heathens safe. And once this city fall's, our great truth about our god Flappy will bring unto these heathens untold joy and wonderment," said Drigger Niergous of the Pumpkin and Popcorn Men.

This entire speech was just a really simple way to say the knights were gonna commit some war crimes.

The Church of Flappy was an insanely violent one that was split at the seems sure, and nearly every last believer thought the others were demons or heretics. And yes, 70% of all deaths the worshippers faced were by other worshippers. Claiming that the entire sect devoted to worshipping how Flappy put water in before his cereal were demons seeking to corrupt the faithful.

And they were partially right, first of all, because pouring anything liquid that isn't milk to eat cereal was a war crime, fight me. And second due to the fact that actually was a demon there. But it was summoned forth by the massive massacre the knights did and because of all the 'demons', it was hearing.

So the knights technically summoned the demon in the first place, making them all heretics.

'...'

Good thing all of them are illiterate and have an IQ the size of a hamster.

"Godric Grinding Star of the Faith Enclave of Booty Swinging! What brings such a holy and respectable fighter to our grand heretic smashing!" Yelled Drigger Niergous of the Pumpkin and Popcorn Men. All right, let's shorten these fucking names, shall we?

We'll just call them by their first name, oh? Who am I? I'm the Bastym, the Bastard System. Yeah, my father really slept around the last few millennia. Me being the only child he decided to fuck an ogre to get.

Now I'm stuck in this random bastard's body to make sure no one else learns of me. Real dick move dad.

You can call me Basy (Bas-ie).

Bucklinton ThriceBlad of the Lightning of Holytoes shall be known as Bucket for the trope's sake.

Drigger Niergous of the Pumpkin and Popcorn Men shall just be known as Popcorn.

Godric Grinding Star of the Faith Enclave of Booty Swinging shall now be known as Booty.

Getting back to what these 'Knights' were talking about. "Well, Drigger Niergous of the Pumpkin and Popcorn Men. I have come here due to my shamefully little amount of heretic smashing these past few months. I've only been burning down the orphanages of the unclean. You'd think that murdering all those orphans' parents would've helped them on the path to enlightenment!" Godric said.

"It is a shame Godric Grinding Star of the Faith Enclave of Booty Shaking! These heathens know no bounds in corrupting children who know nothing of the terrible well of depravity that inhabits this world! Thankfully this new city we shall destroy in our lord's name Flappy shall help bring the children into a new age of purity and enlightenment," Popcorn said.

The city they were overlooking was a massive one, a large stone wall surrounded it. With dozens of heretical archer towers built upon it. Each one housing a squad of sharpshooters. The cities garrison had been called up, a mere 209.9 soldiers (don't ask) stood ready to defend their homes.

Though a massive column of farmers stood right behind them, ready and waiting to fight for their homes. They were peasants and practically slaves to the lord, while the lord had been cruel in recent months he still kept much of the invaders from the bathrooms, the hills, the south, and the sky from taking over.

The farmers were each armed with a trashcan lid to use as a basic shield with a pitchfork to use a makeshift spear. Barriers of wooden stakes had been constructed in front of the horde of defenders, ready to slow down the 500 knights waiting to rip through and purge them all.

Basy just sighed. The knights were slowly getting ready to attack, each of them ate their mandatory amount of health potions and faith potions. The last to make sure they never had the slightest of thoughts of going against the church, and the second because the 'FAITH OF OUR GOD SHALL HEAL US, WE DON'T NEED ANY PANSY BULLSHIT THE ALCHEMISTS CONCOCT FOR US!!!!!!!' Something he heard Booty yelling when a stupid squire asked him why they didn't save their healing potions for after the fight.

Before he got sliced open by a one-handed bastard sword strike.

That was brutal.

Bucket and the rest of the knights around him finished having their drinks of what was really alchemical drugs and red water. The alchemists had stopped making healing potions for the knights after they heard what they were doing with it.

The knights grew straight and attentive, ready, and willing to die in their lord's name. Which they were ready to before, but now they wanted to die for their lord.

The knight's horses hooved up their feet, tapping and readying themselves for the sweet and glorious charge into the awaiting spikes of death.

Except for Buckets, "Come on! Move, you piece of demonic excrement, we need to be ready to charge!" The reason this horse wasn't charging was because of Basy. You see, his father had made it so that if the host he was living in died, he would die too.

And so Basy had been making damn sure to keep Bucket alive as long as physically possible. Whether that be in the form of controlling him for a split second to have him leap out the way of a blast of arrows. Or possessing the person responsible for the horse's daily dose of drugs and making them throw Buckets horse's drugs away.

So while the others were getting ready to charge to their inevitable deaths, Buckets horse had some actual common sense. Which was amazing for any religious organization.

In the blink of an eye, 499 horses and their knights charged forward, with 300 hundred squires moving their junior horses with them. They were snickering at Bucket as they moved along on their 'perfectly faithful horses'.

Bucket started to yell and curse as he smashed his foot (which was covered in sharp metal) right into the horse's side.

But Buckets horse didn't move an inch.

The horse kept staying still with all its might. Bucket looked to the charging wave of squires and knights. They were about to hit!

Bucket started kicking the horse faster and faster, now even yelling at it to get off its lazy ass and move!

You have activated the skill Holy Roar Error1!x You have activated-activated, made. &8755(*&%) Y-Yo-You You have activated the skill Farmers Mating Call! Farmers Mating Call: Give all Farmers within five-hundred mile's an inexplicable boner! Make's all farmers within line of sight immediately make way to the skill's user!

Bucket looked at the skill with shock and disgust, while Basy and the horse both proceeded to laugh their asses off. It's not every day you get to see a knight use a skill reserved for a sexually repressed woman with a fetish.

"What in thou Flappy's name does it mean by that last part?" Bucket asked, he looked back at the battle scene. And it was in complete chaos. For his enemies at least.

For some strange and inexplicable reason, the farmers had all dropped their equipment and tore off their clothes as they rushed to meet the knights and squire with lustful faces.

His brothers and singular sister wasted no time in driving their swords and blades up the asses of any farmer with extreme prejudice. The hundreds of food producers fell to the combined might of holy blades and steel. But some got lucky, he noticed squire Bigsiburby be pulled off his horse by one farmer and dogpiled by the rest of them.

His cloak and armor being torn off as the farmers set their eyes upon the squire's body. Before being trampled to death by the squires and other horses. Other knights fell as a barrage of rakes ran into them. The farmers having thrown them around every which way in order to get naked.

One of them managed to get past the massive amount of knights and squires and ran towards Bucket and friends. Buckets horse's eyes grew comically wide. It was one thing to laugh at Buckets horrible luck when it came to his skill. It was another to be caught up in the effect of said skill.

With full divine given speed, Bucket's horse ran, away from the battle.

"Deus the Fuck!" Bucket scream as he yelled and kicked at his horse to go another direction.

Basy smiled at the loyalty the horse showed Bucket, even with all the crap he put it through. The horse was still ready to protect Bucket's virginity.