The goblin acted first, fork drawn once again and malice flashed in his black beady eyes. Okay, these guys are not my friends, he thought frantically. The woman lunged first, however, quicker than the goblin could. She unsheathed a dagger from her belt, grinning at him.

“HEY! HEY! HEY!” he yelled in alarm, “I don’t mean any harm! Is this your house? ‘Cos I will just…”

The man swept his feet in a circular motion and threw him off balance as he fell onto the kitchen floor. He tried to get up but the goblin was on his back, its nails dug deep into his scalp. The woman bent low and stared at him, she sneered and looked up at the man whose shoe was tucked under his ribs.

“Shumoyuru monrtuyus?” the woman asked, dagger pointed in his face.

“Gow.” the man snapped.

The goblin let go and jumped off his back as the man dragged him up against the wall. He was speechless, what kind of portal fantasy threw you into the face of three murderous low-lives and no clue of what they were saying either?

“Let go of me, I’m not here to fight yo-”

A fist dug deep into his cheek as he tasted blood almost instantly. The man grabbed a handful of his hair and dragged it up to face him.

“Yuhri? Hakatuyus yuhri?” he snarled.

“Look, I don’t know what you are saying, I don’t have anything on me!” he yelled desperately, “I can’t speak your fucking language! So leave me alone!” He swept his arm at the man and he banged into the goblin as they crashed onto the opposite wall. It was a desperate attempt to swat the man away but he had sent him flying.

"Do jocks feel like this all the time?" he muttered in amazement.

With newfound adrenaline, he dived straight for the woman. She let out a cry of surprise at the sudden turn of events and swung her dagger wildly. He ducked instinctively and sidestepped to avoid her swing, he slammed his elbow onto her neck and clutched her wrist. It was the oddest sensation in the world, for he had no prior knowledge of hand to hand combat but it felt completely natural. It felt like riding a bicycle without actually knowing how to ride it.

The woman struggled and his grip hardened until the dagger clattered to the floor. She’s inexperienced, he thought absent-mindely. What the hell was he saying? The last time he had attempted to fight was in preschool and it did not go well at all. The woman was clutching her wrists in agony and he dived straight for the dagger. Retreating to a corner, he pointed it at the man and the unconscious goblin.

“Hakatuyus yuhri?” the man asked again, slightly shaken. The man massaged his shoulder and whispered something to the woman out of the corner of his lips. Before he could react, they had bolted for the door, dragging the goblin with them. His legs gave chase but stopped immediately, what would he achieve from catching them? A trophy?

Glancing down at his fists and at the dent in the wall where the man had crashed into the goblin, he could not help but feel a sense of relief at the fact that he was at the very least fit to fight in this bizarre new world.