Chapter 1 Re-write

The first thing I saw when I awoke, was the face of a woman. Beautiful, but unlike fae. It was a motherly woman with eyes soft and brown and an incredible warmth that burned like the fires of the hearth.

Her hair was a bronze colour that seemed to meld with the colours of the evening sun. She was old. You could tell from the wrinkles around her eyes. And yet they added to the simplistic beauty rather than took away. Her smile was simple as she looked at me and yet it warmed me.

But there was something off. Her skin was pale. Cold, if I were to describe it. Her breath was harsh and heavy. There were bags under her eyes. And she seemed so tired.

It was only until then. That I realised we were on the move. The skies were settling into the afternoon. An orange pinkish gloom melded with the sky. It was beautiful.

The trees of the forests around us shined verdant green as if an emerald was polished to a sheen. The grass was of a green of different shades. As the wind blew it mixed and twirled with the green of the trees to create a fluctuating colour that mesmerised all who looked at it.

The woman was struggling, you could tell. The remnants of tears at the corners of her eyes showed a story of sorrow and pain. As she moved, you could tell she was hurt. A limp in a step, a slightly longer break. She was slowing down. She was reaching her end.

It was only when the sun disappeared over the horizon, the woman stopped for her last time.

It was simple and yet callous. I knew what would happen to her. I could see death in her shadow creeping along.

It was an unusual contrast. Death would strike in a place of life.

The inhabitants of the forest around us continued with their lives. The animals went to find food, the insects continued crawling on the ground and nature remained as it was. Not a thing changed.

There was a stream in front of us. It’s waters, crystal clear. Fish swam around enjoying their simplistic life’s and occasionally jumping out of the water. Ignoring our existence as if we didn’t matter at all.

The woman held me closer. Gripping me tightly as if I may fall from her grasp. She sat down on the ground and stared at the stream. And as tears continued to fall. She looked at me with such love, such affection that for a moment my heart felt moved and I wished to reach out to her.

She squeezed me in her embrace and with such heartfelt sorrow she whispered “Nāṉ uṉṉai kātalikkiṟēṉ”

Repeating the phrase constantly as her tears flowed like rivers. Eventually, as the day got shorter. Her voice began to quieten. She laid me on the ground and laid down next to me. Her voice grew hoarse and yet she never stopped repeating the phrase.

Until eventually she grew quiet.

She was dead.

I could tell.

Her arms were relaxed. No longer grasping at me, no longer holding me. The feeling of security and comfort disappeared. All that was the left, was the hollowness of death.

It was dark now. The forest which had once been a source of beauty, had twisted and become something else. The shadows of the trees elongated and stretched as if something was reaching out of the darkness. The moon and its pale light illuminated the surroundings. The grass was no longer green, and the trees had the lost their colours. Shades of black were all I could see.

As a soul trapped in a child’s body, without sustenance and warmth I knew I would die soon. It was inevitable.

It was the quickest of my loops that I had ever experienced. To exist for less than a day, then die to starvation. It was morbid humour at its finest.

But suddenly the winds slowed down. The insects quietened and the animals froze. The moon changed from a pale yellow to a pristine white. Its light no longer pale, shined with a holiness to it. It was as if a hallowed presence had descended on the forest.

A ripple in the stream caught my attention and suddenly flowers around me began to bloom consecutively. Their vibrant colours reminded me of paint mixed on a pallet. The reds, greens and blues mixed to form an abstract painting and the darkness of the forest was the backdrop.

From above a soothing voice was heard. It had a calming presence. As if It were kin and I were one of its children.

“Tell me child, if you were given a chance in another world. Where immortals exist. Where stars can be arranged by the hands of beings, would you choose to go?”

I looked at the sky where the voice came from.

I thought long and hard. A chance to be free from this eternal loop.

Yet I questioned this choice. What would I sacrifice if I were to go? What would be needed, to pay back this gift.

The being replies with a chuckle, and the world shines a little brighter and the winds begin to dance as if the happiness of the being is the happiness of the world itself.

“Child, I hear your thoughts clearly. There is no task. There is no goal. I gift it to you freely as a parent would to its children”

He paused. And the world held its breath.

“So, tell me child. Would you?”

I looked down as I thought back to my past. My anguish and hatred, the despair from finding out my actions did nothing. That so long as I existed, nothing I could do mattered.

The days where madness consumed me. Where I fell and cursed at life itself. Where I begged death for its gift and received no reply.

I looked at the sky once more. The moon and the stars were all I could see. There was an ethereal beauty to it. The stars twinkled like light passing through shards of glass.

I would remember this scene. The last of this universe. The last of my home.

As a spark of sorrow appeared in my soul. A tinge of anguish hit me. It was a connection to this world I never thought I would miss.

I had made my choice. It was simple

Let me go being. Let me move on from this eternal loop. I accept your offer.

The darkness faded from the trees. The shadows became light. The forest glowed. The world shined with an ever-increasing luminous aura.

And as the world broke down. As the last of the images of the moon faded.

I thanked the being with all my soul “ Iruppatu eṉ naṉṟi.”