The hoard spent hours bumping into each other, trying to figure out which direction to go. Most have them have taken on insect facial features. Most notably, the extra eyes, or compound eyes. Yet they can’t seem to find the door. I’m unsure if they’d be able to open it if they did find it, but they can’t. I’m not sure if the eyes are sending only a partial signal or something is getting lost in transmission. I know they can see based on how they target soft spots of their prey. Then again, they could be going off touch. However, I doubt the nerve endings on their bodies are still that sensitive. I don’t know, that’s a question for later.

For now, we’ve been trapped here, only a few blocks from the hospital. I’m sure we can talk at a conversational level without drawing attention but I don’t know what to say to Marshall. We used to be friends, good friends. Now we’re like strangers, if not enemies. I still owe him a few good punches as far as I’m concerned but we’re building a bridge over troubled watered at the moment and it’s best to play things calm as possible right now.

“Why didn’t you join me in enlisting full time after the academy,” Marshall breaks the silence as he checks Marki’s temperature.

“It just wasn’t for me.”

“Any particular reason?”

I know the answer, but I can tell Marshall still doesn’t think much of me. No matter how I answer it, that won’t change. Ignoring the question might be worse, it might make him angry and he’s much easier to deal with when he’s not angry.

“You can just tell me the truth,” Marshall takes a seat on the ground next to me.

“Well, I didn’t have the heart for it. I’d like to say it was self-preservation, but I just can’t handle combat. Shooting targets and performing drills is nothing. But when it’s a real situation my adrenaline starts going and I’m not able to control myself. A lot of people see blood, and get excited, they know they’re doing damage. I’m using a plasma rifle, it’s less accurate but just as deadly. Do you know why I prefer to use it?”

“Because there’s more power even with the lack of accuracy?”

“No, it’s because it has the kinetic force and penetration of a bullet but the heat of a laser. It cauterizes wounds before they can bleed so I don’t have to see the blood. It’s not like I go on combat missions, but in situations where I have to take a rifle, I choose plasma for that reason.”

Marshall looks at me, confused, “you’re a biologist and you’re afraid of blood?”

“No, I’m just not a fan of killing. Mostly because I’m afraid of being killed.”

“Then I’m sorry,” Marshall says.

“For what?”

“Because I’ve been hard on you about not being a fighter, and a soldier. I hadn’t considered your reasons. I’ve been expecting you to behave like a well-trained soldier because that’s how I knew you in the past. I didn’t take time to consider that is not the life you chose, and you had a reason.”

I force a fake laugh, “stop apologizing, it’s weird.”

“I’m serious. My job as a commander isn’t just to complete the mission, it’s to protect my entire team. Not just my soldiers, but my medics, my pilots, my scientist, engineers and everyone else on my ship. I failed to do that, and I blamed each of you.”

“Nobody expected this to happen. There wasn’t anything about it in the briefings. There were no signs on reports I read. We didn’t have anything to go on but we never could have expected this.”

“But, I should have been prepared. I should have been willing to do anything necessary to make sure everyone got out of here alive.”

“Stop blaming yourself, it’s not going to do us any good,” I can’t believe I’m trying to comfort Marshall right now.

It’s as if we’re back in the academy. It was a harsh place at the time we went through, probably the worst academy in Sol on top of that. We were roommates and we both had similar tastes in movies. We had to depend on each other a lot to get there. He had always wanted to finish the academy and enlist. I just got in so much trouble, my parents didn’t know what to do with me. He was a good influence on me at the time.

“Hey, I never said this but thanks for believing in me when nobody else did.”

“What are you talking about,” Marshall questions where I’m going.

“At the academy, I was there because I constantly got into trouble. We were put together by chance but you never made me feel like trash. You always expected me to rise to your level. You dragged me there, and I didn’t have any other choice.”

“We must really be delusional,” Marshall smiles. “We’re getting all sentimental.”

“As long as we’re getting sentimental, why did you leave the service for The Federation? That was always you goal, and you enlisted without taking a break after the academy.”

Marshall thinks for a moment, staring off into space before giving a big sigh. “There isn’t a place for people like me. They trained us up to be weapons of war. Some guys like you got out of there, and found a new path, but most of us stayed. Then they told us there were no wars. We were out at bases, just waiting for a chance to go into action that never came. When the call did come, it wasn’t usually something we believed in. It’d be brief, bloody and we’d remember why the largescale wars they had been preparing us for just didn’t exit. We live in a world of peace now and I can’t fault people for wanting peace. But when they’ve bred me to survive on violence and confrontation I don’t know what else to do.”

“Everyone wants to be a part of something bigger,” I try to reason with him.

“Right, and that sounds nice. That’s why a lot of folks joined The Federation, but I’m sick. As much as you claim to hate the adrenaline I need it. As crazy as it sounds, I’m having one hell of a time here. That’s how I know I’m sick. This is what I craved. The Federation sent me around to smash some rebellions, help with some warlords. But this, this is the near-death experience I crave to keep me on edge. I’m messed up.”

“Maybe we can use that to get out of here.”

I hadn’t considered that Marshall is just as insane as I am. I suppose that’s the reason that we’re still alive and everyone else is dead. Marki is still alive, but if the hoard doesn’t leave soon I’m not sure how much longer she can make it. She might be the most well adjust of the three of us. That means she’s the least suited for this world.