《My Diary》Worries and Resolve [Mehak's POV]
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[Mehak's POV]
At first, I had a lot of fun playing with Mayuri all day, I mean I never had any close friends and I would always be at home alone not going outside because of how far my home is from my friends but now that I have got to experience that it's pretty great. I mean I never feel bored again and Mayuri is just so cute and adorable and that increased even more after I said that I would never hate her.
Every day I would go to school she would have a sad expression but would always let me go and every time I come back she would come running to me saying, " big sis! , big sis!" and would hug me for quite the amount of time while saying how much she missed me and I always find that so adorable and sweer of her. She's like a perfect little sister I could ask for.
But lately, she has started doing weird things to me like when we went to watch a movie she suddenly grasped my hand and just smiled happily when I asked her questions but she said it's common between sisters and I guess she's kinda right so I ignored it.
Then one day she said she's going for a walk so we left the house together as I was going to school but she suddenly held my hands and I mean isn't this kind of stuff you do with your lover and just for a moment I thought what would happen if she were to start doing more things like these to me, thinking that I got embarrassed and told her to leave my hand but it seems like she read my mind and brought her mouth close to my ears and asked me, " could it be that the reason you don't want to is because big sis is having some indecent thoughts for me" and bit my lip.
After that, I got my heart beating like it would come out and my legs started wiggling, I mean she literally said what I was thinking and even gave me a demonstration of what would happen if she did more things like that. The result was that I couldn't talk properly anymore so when she suddenly hit my back I got my senses back and asked her why did she do it and unexpectedly she said, "because I love big sis" hearing that my blood started getting heating up, I mean what does she mean by that does that imply as a little sister she loves her big sis or does she loves me in a romantic kind of way and again I thought what if it's a romantic love then what would I do?
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But never been thrown into a position like this I decided to run away.
Then when I got back home I couldn't meet her eyes and we continued playing while my heart was beating frantically. After her tutor came and she went away, I opened my trusted internet and searched love between two siblings and the results I got from that were shocking.
It seems like the love between two siblings whether or not related by blood is called INCEST and apparently, it's a pretty disgusting thing and people engaged in it are looked weirdly by people but all of that was between a man and women so I searched for girl and girl, and it's called LESBIAN which only disgusts few people but most of them look down on people involved. Seeing all this and thinking what would father and mother think and what would people think I got very scared of it and decided to not let her do this anymore.
But I failed pretty miserably, I mean just look at how cute and attached to me she is and she's the first-ever person with whom I can talk and play freely without any worry in the world. She also started studying pretty hard, I mean she literally just studies all day except for when eating food and occasionally coming to my room and I could tell that she's studying so hard so that she can go to school together with me. I mean just looking at how hard she's working for me and how much she thinks about me, I just couldn't tell her in a resolute way that she should stop doing all those things she does when she comes to my room.
By things, she does when she occasionally comes to my room during studying I just couldn't describe it. It was just like those teasing those people in porn videos do before taking off their clothes.
She would lick me and bite me in various places and on my cheeks. She would touch me in a teasing way and would caress my body with such vigor and play with the tip of my breasts.
Even though I didn't admit it but the rush in blood, excitement, and chills I got from that were pretty intense, every time she would just stop before doing anything with my vagina and leave. Even though I did tell her not to but me saying it while having a rough breathing and a weak tone, even she could tell that I was enjoying it and would then tease me even more. Eventually, I started getting the feeling of wanting to do more things with her but she wouldn't let me and just stop before going further.
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Every time of the day I would think of things she does to me and gets excited and happy every time. I think I LOVE HER and not in sibling kind of way but in romantic kind of way because every day I am just thinking about her, thinking what would she do to me today? and getting a little jealous when I think about her doing this kind of stuff with someone else. Even though it's a taboo and people get disgusted by it and look at you with strange eyes and I know I shouldn't be having these feelings, that these feelings are wrong but every day they would just get stronger and stronger.
But every time I would just think about people and what they would say and get scared, I know I am just running away and not confronting it but the people! what about the people, but maybe it would be alright if we keep a secret?
And today Mayuri when one step further and came into my bath and just sat in front of me with her back leaning on me and wrapped my arms around her and said, "Big sis I LOVE YOU" and my mind went blank, I thought I heard it wrong so I again asked her and again she gave the same answer, by now I knew that she was serious and her love is romantic but just like always I would get scared of other's opinion and feigned ignorance and told her, "AH! ok, ok, yeah, yeah I also love you" and got pretty disgusted and felt hatred for myself, I mean Mayuri's being so brave and upfront about it and even though she also thought about other people and got scared of it but she still remained strong and instead of running away like me she confronted it, just thinking about this and realizing this my feelings for her got even stronger.
Then she became a little mad which was to be expected and faced me from the front and again said, "See big sis this is want I meant when I said I LOVE YOU" and kissed me, during which my mind when full surprise mode as I didn't expect her to do a thing other than teasing, again I realized how much courage she had built up to kiss me and opposed to her what am I doing just running away? worrying about people? not being honest with her about my feelings? letting her do everything that I as her older should be doing!
Finally seeing the whole picture I realized how shitty and worthless I have been and even with me being like this, she never stopped and continued moving forward even though she also has same worries as me she still kept on going.
Then finally she said, "Big sis, I LOVE YOU, I LIKE YOU, I DESIRE YOU, this is not some sibling love that I feel as I think about you all the times, I even studied hard so that I could quickly go to school together with you and even started learning self-defense so that I could protect you from any danger and in the future would continue to grow even stronger so that no one could harm you, so please big sis face reality and stop running away with excuses and just make your heart naked in front of me just like I have done and tell me honestly what you feel".
Hearing this I got emotional and started crying because she literally just told me everything that has been on my mind with me not being honest, running away, making excuses. She's like a perfect being who always knows what going on in my mind, what I am thinking, it's like she exists only for me and I exist only for her.
Finally getting a hold of myself and firming my heart and mind, I made a promise with myself that from now on I would not run away, and be honest with Mayuri in both mind and heart because just like she said I also LOVE HER, LIKE HER, DESIRE HER, and even if everyone looks at us with disgust now I know I wouldn't regret it as she's the only one who's perfect for me. But let's just keep it a secret because even if I think about all that stuff the fear and worries would not just simply go away but I would now be completely honest with her and not let her be the only one who initiates or does all the things.
So confirming my resolve I moved my face forced and said, "I-I-I also........." and with my own will kissed her and wrapped her around my arms.
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