“There is no plan. All is hazard. And the only thing that will preserve us is ourselves.”

― John Fowles, The Magus

Now that nap time is done and settled with. I guess exploring is the next step. Now personally, I don't like sand. I'm okay when it comes to beaches, but I can already feel sand in my socks and underwear. Not fun.

The desert itself was a desert. I'm not sure what to say. It looked pretty average. Nothing insane like pink or purple sands. Just a boring old desert. It just seems a bit inappropriate to disrespect the desert like that. But it's the truth. The sun beating down on the sand. The dry winds. It’s just a desert.

I've gotten over being upset over the fact that I was kidnapped by a kayak. But I haven't gotten over the fact that I didn't bring any kind of chapstick with me. They say dehydration kills. I say crusty lips do. But you gotta make the best with what you got.

I already tried to convince myself this was some kind of simulation. From yelling out status, to root. I screamed “main menu” like 5 times. Just not my luck. I'm not sure what I was expecting, it's not like I got hit by a truck or anything.

Now before I take off like Speedy Gonzales, I gotta pack my shit up. Now normally a sane person would be trying to get back home, but me, well, I don't have shit left there. So I might as well travel!

Packing everything up wasn’t very hard. The kayak apparently turns into a damn bracelet if you push the right rune, and the house turns into a key by messing with the doorknob the correct way. Kinda like a cheat code, up down left right A B A B down down left left right.

With my grandfather's fishing pole on my back, a kitchen knife in my belt, and some food in my backpack I still didn't feel ready to go anywhere. But if I don't wanna live out the rest of my days in some sandry crusty cabin by the ocean, I gotta start moving.

My first steps into the desert weren't the steps of Louis Armstrong. No small steps for man, and no leaps for mankind. It was more of a quakey little step at first. A deep breath, and then another.

Now I don't claim to be a brave man, but I'm not a coward either. My forte lies in the fact that I can adapt. See, I might not like what I have to do, but I still get it done. And I hate that about myself. But it's just the curse I have to live with.

You might think a stroll through a desert is all fun and games. Well. It is. Just not the kind of fun and games you’re probably thinking of. The fun probably comes from mother nature laughing gleefully as she tries to kill you, and the game is a game of life and death. Walking along the desert, slowly but surely, as the wind and sand pummel my poor handsome face. The sun beating down on my back like a slave driver in Jeffrey Epsteins sex dungeon. It's not a jolly good time. Unless you're a masochist, in that case, you wanna trade?

If I had a status screen my luck would probably be -20. I'm just walking along, when all of a sudden boom. A fucking sand scorpion pops out. This think looks like it would be from Star Wars. I take off running before the sand can even clear. There is a rock outcropping not too far from where I am, and theres no way i'm fighting a fucking SAND SCORPION hand to hand.

Hauling ass to get there, I feel something approaching my back. Taking a gamble I yeet(throw) myself to the left as the scorpions pincer comes crashing down where I was a second ago.

As I'm sprinting for dear life, the only thing I can think of is Shia Labeouf. Running from cannibal superstar Shia Labeouf is just playing on repeat in my head. I'm dodging, I'm ducking, I'm weaving. Finally I make it to the rocks.

Sprinting in between the rocks like a contestant off of American Ninja Warrior, I see a cave entrance. At this point it's get stabbed by the scorpion or die underground. I risk it all for the biscuit. I slide through the opening, only to get clipped on the shoulder at the last second. I feel a sharp burning pain as I slide down into the hole.

Quickly leveling out, I realize how bad of an idea this was. I can't see, and I'm not sure what creatures would be living down here. I pull out my kitchen knife cautiously. And flail around a bit as I walk down through the darkness.

I realize the burning in my shoulder still hasn’t gone away. Going through my pockets, I find my matches, and a bottle of water. First things first, I try to light a match. It's quite difficult to do in the pitch black darkness, but I'm able to get it done. Looking around me, I see nothing but the floor beneath me, and then darkness all around. Not creepy at all, no siree.

I continue cautiously moving through the darkness.

*Thwack*

My worldview changes as I fall to the ground, blackness overwhelming me.