Kieran

“Kieran!” Her voice echoes down the hallway long before her head peeks around the door.

“Oh, there you are.” Her eyes narrow in irritation. “I’ve been calling you for an eternity. Were you purposely ignoring me?”

Yes. “What is it, Astrid?”

“Are we not going?” She steps into full view, one hand shoved into the pocket of her bell-bottom trousers. It takes all my effort to conceal my amusement, but I cannot help but wonder at how effortlessly she can don any article of clothing and snag the attention of every person who walks past her on the streets in the mirror world.

But when I tell her, “No. Sorry,” I stop feeling the urge to keep looking at her.

She still maintains the lightness in her eyes. “Fine. Are you unwell?”

“No.”

“Are you tired? Is it from last night’s transformation? I suppose we could take a day off -”

“No, it’s not that.” I inhale deeply. Exhale. Funny, how my mind has not rested from the thought of this very moment, but now that it has arrived, I can’t find the right words.

“We should stop going into the mirror world.”

The silence is filled only by the sound of her own heart falling to the ground, right in front of her feet.

“Wh-what?”

I cannot repeat myself, so I just wait for it to click for her.

When it does, her expression hardens in anger.

“So you are giving up, then?” She removes her hand from her pocket, as if she’s going to use it to beat me to death.

“I’m not -”

“You are just going to give up. Why? Is it because it has proven to be too difficult for you?”

“No,” I grit my teeth at the accusation. “I’m giving up on the mirror because it’s taking a toll out of you.”

“Me?” she implodes. “Who cares about me? What of Eli? What about the life he has been robbed of for the sake of this curse?”

Every syllable stings. “Astrid, I promise you…”

“You promised me that you would never let anything happen to me. You promised to get us out of here.”

“Yes, I did,” I snap. “And I will die trying, okay? Just not this way.”

“There is no other way!”

To that, I cannot answer. Because as many lies I can concoct, as many excuses I can make, they will inevitably uncover the truth. And they will never allow for it, not even after the deal has been brokered.

So I say instead: “I’ll find another way. Lady Selaena is not a force to trifle with, but she can be reasonable. Merciful.”

“And I suppose she’d like to grant me a mansion while she’s busy granting your wishes, too.”

Irritation inflates my chest like a tidal wave. “And how can you be so sure our efforts are not going to be as fruitless as they did when I had ten years to break the curse before?”

“Because this is what I have to do!” she cries. The edge of her voice is pushed to near hysterics. Suddenly, Astrid is no longer the tenacious girl with clever retorts for every syllable which comes out of my mouth. She is a child, desperate and frustrated.

“Because this is why I am here, and not my father. Why all of this has happened in the first place – to free you! To free all of you! Why won’t you let me?”

Because I have to be the one to do it.

“Because you can’t,” I say instead, my words deadpan and cruel. “You’re deluding yourself into thinking you can do anything to stop this curse. You cannot.”

She is already shaking her head. Backtracking, as if I’ve flung acid at her with my tongue.

“I don’t understand.” Her lips tremble, but her jaw is hard. “Why are you doing this?”

“Astrid, just -”

“Do not speak to me ever again.”

I watch her flee. I watch her run away from me, like a bird trapped in a cage with its predator.

Astrid

I run to the place where it all started: that accursed room.

“Take me anyplace,” I tell the mirror, swiping the hot, angry tears that run down my cheeks.

A scenery does not materialize. Instead, someone else stands before me.

“Get out of my way,” I tell Lady Selaena.

She looks more sympathetic than irritated.

“I will.”

I pause. Our eyes meet.

“You will not stop me?” Only Kieran is officially allowed through the mirror; I was not aware she knew that I was sneaking out to my house on my own until now.

“I came only to wish you fair tidings.”

I scoff. Ironic, coming from the very person who cursed us all. “Yes, because this desperate attempt will somehow turn the tides, will it not?”

She shrugs. “Was it not your desperate attempt which changed the course of this curse all those days ago?” She gestures to the bell jar over my shoulder. “I was standing here, and you were right where you are now. Remember?”

How can I forget? When her lips curl into a faint smile, I watch her warily.

“Go now, young one. Try one last time, and hope destiny favours your decisions.”

I wander for what feels like hours. Down the streets, past the filthy alleys and beside my reflection in the building windows. I wander until I am well and truly lost; there is no way to retrace my steps to where I was before now.

Not that it matters. I can still return to the castle. The dying, lonely castle. Just thirty minutes ago my determination was soaring and my hopes were on fire.

Now, walking past so many faces, I wonder if anything is even worth trying any more.

My aimlessness leads me to a clearing surrounded by rows and rows of abnormally large stone steps. The clearing itself is fantastically large and covered with an even layer of hot green grass. White lines are painted along the grass, forming patterned partitions of a sort. Bordering the oval clearing are rows of red roads.

I climb down to one of the lower stone steps and sit down to watch two people run circles around the grass. When the sight of them starts to bore me, my eyes trail towards the other objects around the place: the tall, looming rectangle that displays a series of words, one at a time: ‘Tigers 2018’.

All these inventions. All these dreams come true. I think of the Eiffel Tower and all the magical things I never thought would be accepted in this world.

My father will never live to see even an inkling of change.

The blue skies and puffy clouds and green grass start to blur. Hot tears start to slip down my cheeks, slowly at first. And then they do not stop. They just run and run, like the people on the rust-coloured roads.

“Rough day?”

I jump in my seat.

The girl next to me pulls the hood of her baby-blue jacket off her head. She offers me a timid smile which causes her cheeks to dimple. Painfully, it reminds me of Damian.

For a second I wonder if Lady Selaena has disguised herself. But her rosy cheeks are too innocuous, her wide eyes too well-meaning. She ties her dark hair up modestly into a messy bun. A month or so ago, I might have called her plain.

But I am not the same person I used to be. The most beautiful things can be found in the least expected places.

“Yes, quite,” I wipe the wetness off my face with the back of my hands.

She inhales slightly when I angle my body towards her, and then laughs self-consciously.

“Sorry. You’re really pretty.”

Despite the heaviness in my chest, I smile. “As are you.”

“You know...I mean, I know we don’t really know each other, but sometimes I find it helpful to get things off my chest whenever I’m upset. So, if you feel inclined to, I mean…” she shrugs. “I know we don’t know each other.”

I swallow. Such a strange encounter this is. Looking back at my hands, I try to formulate a polite excuse to leave this conversation or change the subject.

“I am afraid my father will die alone and I won’t be around for him.”

As Kieran might say: weird.

Out of the corner of my eye, the girl nods. She leans over her knees with her elbows and sighs deeply.

“Life sucks, huh?”

“Yes,” my breath comes out in a barely audible whisper. The lump in my throat threatens to rise higher. “Sometimes I wish circumstances were not so cruel. To me or anybody else.”

“Totally. I mean, if I could jump to an alternate dimension and run away from all my problems – even just for an hour - I’d do it in a heartbeat, you know? Just live in a place where I can…” she trails off.

When I look up at her, she has closed her eyes. “Forget,” she breathes.

Empathy lingers between us like a string binding our last fingers together from a distance.

“Are you...having a difficult day, too?” I say.

“Sort of. Some kids at school took a picture of me showering in the gym in the morning. By lunch, some rumor went around the entire senior class that I’ve been selling photos to a porn site. You’d think people would grow up in their senior year, but apparently not, you know?”

It is strange how light her tone is. I am almost fooled into believing she thinks of this affair as frivolously inconvenient. That is, until her lower lip starts to wobble. When she opens her eyes again, they are wet.

I do not understand the full context of her story, but every woman can understand violation. It is another harsh truth of the world – and I hate that this has not changed, not even in another world.

“Gosh, I’m sorry,” she chuckles, swiping at her eyes roughly. “I don’t usually dump my problems on random strangers.”

“Nor I. Or on anyone, for that matter.”

She looks over at me and nods, smiling tightly. “Yeah. I kind of thought a bit of running would help me escape the world for a little bit, you know? But this little therapy session is working pretty well, too.”

I return her sad smile.

Escape the world for a little bit, she says. I do not want to hope, but…

“What’s your name?”

“Isabelle. Martinez.”

“Isabelle,” I pronounce her name on my tongue. “I’m Astrid. Tell me, Isabelle: do you really mean it when you say you’d like to escape for a little bit? Have, say, a little adventure of your own?”

She laughs. “Isn’t that what everybody wants?”

“Then,” I moisten my lips and sit up straighter. “What if I told you that you could leave? Right now, to an enchanted castle with magic mirrors and... Well, all that.”

She looks at me like I am a little bit of a lunatic. “You mean, like, with dungeons and moats and dragons?”

“No dragons. Only a beast. But no harm will come to you if you take the necessary precautions, of course. All you have to do is spend a few weeks in an enchanted castle.” And then I remember this generation’s obsession with paying wages, so I add: “For free.”

“Cool. So is this, like, a Comic Con sort of thing?” she laughs again, as if I am not serious.

“No, really. What if the situation could present itself, and you can come away for a while and be perfectly safe? Should you choose to return home, you may do so and end up right here, in this very moment. Would you honestly take up the offer?”

She shrugs. “Yeah, I guess. Why not?”

I frown. Surely it cannot be this easy.

“Truly?”

“Astrid, you’re sort of asking the same question over and over again, you know that?”

Everything is falling into place. Unrealistically. As if all this were…

As if all this were magic. “Are you absolutely sure?”

“Yes! Jeez,” she grins. “If there are no strings attached, then obviously anybody in my position would love to go on a crazy fantastical adventure. Wouldn’t you?”

I used to think so.

Now, I am not so sure.