《Mecha Dragons of Mars》Chapter 31: Urine For It Now, Mecha Dragons!
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It seemed like we were flying for a long time with the fire-breathing mecha dragons in close pursuit; luckily, the dragon I controlled did not seem to waiver in its flight, but its lack of navigational skills made every second tense.
"Do you see the polar ice caps yet?" asked Cleetus, still watching the creatures following us with apprehension, "there's way more of them than us and they look like they're catching up!"
He was right- the other mecha dragons were getting dangerously close. We could feel the heat from their fiery breaths and sense the intensity of their red-eyed glares.
"The ice caps have got to be right up here," I insisted, holding on to hope, "we're almost there..."
Of course, just getting to the polar ice caps meant little; I had no idea what would happen next- the cat-Uranusian hybrid creatures insisted they could pee sulphuric acid. The entire plan hinged on this unconfirmed claim being true. I really hoped Boom-Boom, a part of those strange creatures, had been honest about their urinary situation. Boom-Boom would never lie to me.
I also hoped the cat-hybrids, as promised, had eaten a ridiculous amount of snow to be ready for a fight.
"Oh, thank God," exclaimed Cleetus, pointing ahead, "that's snow! We've made it back to the polar ice caps!"
There was white ground below. This was good. What was not good was that the Boom-Boom bloom was nowhere in sight.
"Where are they?" I asked as some of the mecha dragons behind us roared.
"Are we at the right part of the ice caps?" asked Cleetus," this dragon hasn't had the greatest navigational skills."
"BOOM-BOOM!" I yelled down, "BOOM-BOOM, WE'RE HERE! WHERE ARE YOU?"
Over the noise from the mocha dragons behind us, I heard no response.
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"Jesus, Cole," hissed Cleetus, "the dragons are nearly to us. We're fucked!"
"Dragon, fly lower," I commanded, in part hoping the dragons behind would mimic. As our dragin dropped in altitude so too did our pursuers; that was good as it would make them easier for the cat-hybrids to spray with urine. But the cat-hybrids were still missing.
"BOOM-BOOM!" I called again. Suddenly, I could feel the temperature around us rapidly increasing. Another mecha dragon was upon us.
"Cole!" cried Cleetus in a panic.
I really thought we were done for then.
But from below, little voices called out: "PROVIDER!"
The unknown sounds seemed to temporarily startle the dragons, both the one about to burn us and the rest of the pack. They looked down at the cat-hybrids who seemed to have all struck a battle stance, each with one leg raised and their lower torso aimed high at the sky.
"NOW!" exclaimed one of the cats to its fellow freakish felines.
At once, the cats each released a forceful spray of urine, aimed directly at the low-flying mecha dragon horde. I suppose I will date myself by saying it, but the stream reminded me of the infamous Care Bear Stare from my childhood- the intensity and strength of their combined urination was on par with Tenderheart and team's devotion to spreading good cheer through their belly symbols. It really was impressive, all things considered.
The dragons were hit with sulphuric acids that at once began to corrode the locations where they were struck. The dragons let out painful roars as they flailed about, victims of the pee stream.
"It's working!" exclaimed Cleetus with an excited chuckle, "Cole, you're a genuis! The plan's really working!"
I too was feeling quite proud. The plan had been a success- mutant cat hybrids were spraying the mecha dragons with corrosive pee and humanity was sure to be saved.
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Except...things did not last in our favor for long.
Yes, where the cats' urine made contact was fast to do damage, but the dragons, aware of this, pulled back and out of pissing range once they realized. The creatures now all had horrific burns and holes in their metal bodies where pee had touched, but otherwise still remained mobile and functional. And as they flew back, there was little the cats could do to increase the distance of their stream.
And, very soon, the cats were drying up.
"We ate all the snow we could," they said sorrowfully looking in our direction.
The dragons, intelligent as they were, recognized the cat-aliens' low defenses. At once they opened their jaws to let loose waves of fire on the hapless felines. The cats had little to no time to escape before they were burned to tiny crisps.
"BOOM-BOOM!" I cried out, recognizing that yes, now for certain, my beloved cat was gone.
But I didn't have long to mourn- with the urine army destroyed, all the mecha dragons shifted their attention back at us. And we had no sulfuric acid of our own to shoot their way.
I believed at that moment that we too all were about to become a smoldering pile of ash.
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