"Now this is a story all about how /

My life got flipped turned upside down /

And I'd like to take a minute /

Just sit right th...” CUT, STOP THE RECORDING!

Sorry for the interruption folks, turns out the narrator for the first 2 chapters blew through our budget for this season.

*sigh*who knew a Freeman's time was so expensive?

So, unfortunately the hunk of man-chocolate, who can Smith a lyric of rhymes with the best of Wills, will not be allowing us to use the right for his song.

Very unfortunate.

Ah! Where are my manners?

Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen, I am K-The Narrator! Oops! We haven't gotten to that part of the story just yet. In due time my dear viewers, in due time.

For now I shall introduce our dashing main character. My heart, my love, my soul...*ehem *

Kenneth Empizie.

*swooning* isn’t he dreamy?

*******

In a sufficiently lit, By OSHA's standard, warehouse. Nearing the end of shift. Two barely adult men are seen taking bulky boxes out of the back of a cargo truck and stacking them on a palette.

The burly one with a trucker's cap presenting an American flag on the front continues to speak after maneuvering a cardboard box into place.

"Listen Ken. I know you don't care about politics, but it is 2020 you gotta keep up with the news! When, NOT if, Mr. Shade gets reelected; the masses will riot, and YOU need to be ready for that!" He waved his finger admonishingly at his co-worker.

The handsomely lithe one responded after passing by with another box being placed next to the prior.

"Yeah-yeah I know. But honestly Tom, I don't see that happening. A zombie apocalypse is more likely to happen because of the virus going around than a massive riot due to presidential choices." Begrudgingly the man stopped next to the stack as he continued.

"I'm just tired of the drama Tom"

Noticing his friend stopping to talk Tommy put down the new box he was hauling and turned to his longtime friend.

"I know Ken, You make that point very clear every time I get on this subject, and I can respect that. There is loads of drama going on. Between Wolfe news bashing on WBW, and vise-versa, Shit's crazy, and that's why WHEN shit hits the fan I want you to have this"

Tommy pulled out a simple key from his pocket, and handed it to Kenneth.

"What the fuck is this?"

"It’s a key."

"Yeah! I can see that, but what for?" Kenneth turned the key around in his hand to inspect the object for any hints.

"That there is, one of the only 3 keys to my Bug-out bunker. It unlocks a keypad on the exterior next to the hatch. The combination to get in is 'M-1-G-r-a-n-d' "

Kenneth took a bit to piece it together, then stared questioningly at Tommy.

"Isn't that supposed to be 'Garand' not 'Grand'?"

"Yep! And that's the genius behind it. Ain't nobody gunna' figure it out." Tommy puffed out his chest in admiration of his brilliance.

"That is su-uper stupid, but I can see your point." Kenneth chuckled at that simple yet sorta effective measure.

"So then who is going to get the other key?' Kenneth continued

"Oh that, right, it’s for Lisa. Speaking of which... When you gunna' ask Meghan out?" Tommy flexed his eyebrows at Kenneth in a suggestive way.

"No, no. that's not going to happen, and YOU of all people know why!" Kenneth defensively replied.

"That was back in Medwisteria High, man. You've learned how to control yourself better since then."

What Tommy is referring to was actually the event that made him and Kenneth become friends.

See Kenneth has grown up his whole life with a minor, but major problem: he could NOT censor his thoughts. From thoughts about the weather, thoughts about how a problem on a test was difficult, to thoughts about the appearances of people. That latter part was what got him and Tommy into major trouble.

Kenneth was originally diagnosed with ADD because of this, and for the most part it worked. He still mumbled about problems, or when bored mumbled about random topics he had on his "mind".

One day in Mr. Zarkovsky's Chemistry class, to the surprise of the whole class, they received a substitute teacher. A Ms. Whitefield, who decided it was a great idea to wear a low-cut dress suit jacket alongside a tight fighting pencil skirt over a very, VERY, well-endowed body in both regions. Our Little Kenneth at the time was still going through puberty, and like the gentleman he is, he voiced his compliment to Ms. Whitefield... in front of the class.

A simple "You have a very sexy body Ms. Whitefield" Much to our naive MC's surprise she didn't take his honest compliment kindly.

"WHAT did you say Mr.Empeezee?!" Like any substitute teacher, any remotely foreign name gets butchered, and Ms. Whitefield is no exception.

Kenneth, thinking she might have misheard him answered her question. And then elaborated more for good measure.

"I said, 'You have a very sexy body Ms. Whitefield.' one I would very much like to have sex with."

Tommy, seeing the bluntness of Kenneth's opinion of her body, and the idiot that he was, attempted to defuse the situation by interjecting himself into the middle of the two.

"Now, now Ms. Whitefield. What I think my friend here is trying to say is that you look lovely today. Ain't that right?" He asked Kenneth while nudging him in the rib.

"No, I said that her body is sexy. Don't you agree?"

"W-well yeah, B-Bu...” Tommy didn't get to finish his reply because the fuming Teacher finally cut the two idiots off.

"MR.THOMPSSON AND MR.EMPEEZEE GO TO PRINCIPAL DOUGLAS' OFFICE RIGHT THIS INSTANCE!"

"Crap...” Kenneth said dejectedly

Tommy followed closely behind with an anemic "fuck"

As the two sat waiting in the main office for their parents to arrive, Kenneth finally spoke up to Tommy.

"S-sorry man. Didn't mean to get you in trouble, heck didn't even know I would."

"Nah, it’s cool man. What you did back there took some balls though. Why’d you try provoking the Sub?"

"Didn’t mean to, it was my honest opinion! I guess...I guess I should have worded it better though, right?"

"Yeah you should have, but hey. You shouldn't mind what others think of your opinion. After all, why else would we have the 5th amendment?"

"I guess you are kinda right."

Tommy reached out his hand towards Kenneth.

"What?"

"Take it you fool."

They grasped each other's hands and Tommy continued to speak.

"The name's Tommy Thompsson, AND before you ask, no I don't like the Thompson Sub-machine gun."

"Well I don't know about guns anyways, but my name's Kenneth Empizie. Nice to meet you Tommy, and thanks for getting my back back there."

"Likewise Kenneth. Though I doubt I helped much at all back there."

The two newly established Bros for life shook their hands.

"Say Ken...Do you mind if I call you Ken?"

"Sure, if I can call you Tom."

"Okay, well Ken after we are finished being grounded; would you like to go to range to get to know about guns?"

"Honestly that does sound like fun, so long as I can talk to you about movies like 'Crazy Matt' and 'The Meandering Deceased'"

"No shit! You watch TMD as well?!"

>>>>

Kenneth involuntarily shivered at the embarrassing memory. He HAD gotten better with keeping his mouth shut. However, he would still slip up from time to time, and those slip ups were why he worked as a stock-boy in this warehouse.

He'd tried Fast food, grocery stores, and even convenience stores. Every job met with the same fate. He would slip up and blurt out what was on his mind, causing him to get fired from each job.

Eventually, Tommy reached out a helping hand to Kenneth, and got him a job at the place he worked. A small HSH building located near the city center of Medwisteria. While it was a measly twelve dollars an hour, what it lacked in pay it made up for by being a very quiet work environment. Very few people to cause him to slip up, which was his biggest problem.

"Point is Tom: I'm Just mentally prepared for that kind of relationship" Kenneth pressed. "So, aren't you going to tell me the address? Or, are you going to text it to me later?"

"I was actually going to get to that, do you have anything going on after work?" Tommy asked after loading the last box on the pallet.

"Not really. Was kind of planning on watching the newest episode of TMD, though if you got a better idea I'm all ears."

"Well I figured that I might just show you the location myself; that way the address won't get lost in your message history. Remember when I sent you address to this place, but since it was a week before you actually started working, all of our other conversations caused the address to be erased from your phone's history?

"Yeah..." Kenneth sighed “And I was late because of it. I see your point."

Tommy clapped his hands in excitement. “Fan-fuckin-tastic! After clock-out load your bike in the bed of my truck and I'll drive us down to it. You are gunna love it!"

Worriedly, Kenneth asked Tom "So... Um... how far away are we talking here?"

"Pfhh... Just on the edge of town, maybe about 3 miles away?"

"Phew... good, I wanted to actually get some sleep in before my reserved time at Robbins' range."

"Really? What time you got reserved, maybe we can have a lil' match if he doesn't get too busy."

"I got 6-8pm on the 9th lane. That should leave two lanes open if you can get in early."

"Sounds like a plan, Stan. Can't be letting someone who isn't even a gun-nut beat me in accuracy. Anyways get your shit cleaned up so we can clock-out!" Tommy finished his statement with an excitement almost bursting from his throat.

The two screwballs cleaned up the area, Closed the truck door, Turned off the lights, and finally clocked out after locking up the building. Kenneth loaded his bike onto the bed of the truck, and got in the passenger seat as Tommy slid behind the wheel.

Exiting the lot they drove south out of town towards Tommy's biggest, not-so secret, secret bunker.