Introducing Princess Fatty

(Sakura)

So now coming back to narrating the story more towards the way you expect.

You may have forgotten but that ‘me’ was sitting in bed holding a necklace and trying desperately to remember all about a franchise that they knew about mainly from probably faulty fan translations and several wiki summaries among other skimpy sources.

So anyway let me start off with the ‘Sakura [Star Risen] Quarnz’ that possibly should have been.

Don’t worry I am not going to go into any of the theories and explanations of why or how it happened (me becoming her) or what I mean when I say that anytime soon. I will give a small warning slash spoiler that we will get to that eventually and sad to say it will probably be painful for the both of us…the whole mess confuses me to this day…

So Sakura. From a few comments on the websites of the translations I knew that her most common nickname given by the readers was Princess Fatty. And that was one of the kinder ones.

Let us put aside the webnovel for now, because in it her character is far more complex and even a little mysterious. And go look at the easy to understand cardboard cutout that is seen in all of the rest of the media she is in.

I don’t know why…excuse me didn’t know why but for some strange unknown reason the adaptions that were created or written after the webnovel stopped were many and all of them were basically the same in their content and plot lines. *See chapter: Milk and Cheese for a little more info regarding this.

Because of this great degree of shared characteristics and traits I am not going to bother specifically saying everytime from which media I am referring to.

That is I completely refuse to do the work of creating references and citations. I mean it’s not like the Copy Right police from another world are going to come chasing after to me or anything, and in my opinion the source doesn’t really matter that much in the end and in the rare event that it does matter I can always specifically tell you then right?

To keep things simple I will just say that all you need to know is the ‘me’ at that time was desperately praying that the world I was then in was based off the webnovel and the webnovel only and for good reason.

However since the countries mentioned in the web novels saying had names that were different from ‘Nim’ and ‘Quarnz’ among a few other little hints that I won’t get into, I knew that the thin straw that I was attempting to clutch probably didn’t even exist.

So though there was still some hope that perhaps the webnovel had some influence there was depressingly little that the others didn’t. And since the webnovel was left basically unfinished and thus there was no absolute evidence that it really had a bad end, while on the other hand the others were chalk full of various disasters and death flags (especially the game versions) I decided to focus my attention on them.

And according to them the alternative Sakura, henceforth referred to as Princess Fatty was a princess that was well…a fatty.

Actually I take that back…she was far from being just a fatty, she was a monstrosity of epic proportions that would make the giantesses you see in those cartoons about freak shows look cute.

Frostypine tells me that I should say that Princess Fatty is basically like a slightly more human and barely feminine version of Jaba the hut in both appearance and personality and supposedly that should give you somewhat of an idea of just how gross she was.

And in several of the games and visual novels with one slip or miscalculation on their part the Hero or one of the male rivals or less liked capture targets could be forced to marry that.

Hello what was the definition of bad end again? Yes that is a perfect example of one right?

Here let me scrounge around in my brains to attempt to reproduce what her ‘capture card’ looks like.

Name: Sakura [Star Risen] Quarnz

Race: Human ?

Sex: female ?

Age: 16

Occupation: Princess

Hobbies: Eating

Personality: Similar to a spoiled infant’s, throws a temper tantrum when she doesn’t get her way. Warning: Exercise extreme caution that you don’t get in-between her and her food.

Are you beginning to get the idea now?

Before you start to barf let me comfort you with the fact that while the light novel almost went into graphic detail descriptions of her disturbing appearance her illustrations were mostly bearable to look at.

Actually since the artist that illustrated for the light novel could make anything look pretty so that is not that surprising.

Obviously because of the format of the light novels and comics you could just skip reading about the parts with her in them (unless for whatever reason you find a monstrously obese princess hilarious I won’t judge you) so her horrendousness wasn’t that big of a deal.

Also since in both of those she was just the method that the author used to give you the schadenfreude of watching the villain be condemned to despair, as well as give an occasional laugh at her ridiculous greed and stupidity you couldn’t really care about her status as a ‘bad end’.

So you should be able to tell that it was in the video games that her character was really able to shine in her part as a ‘bad end’.

She was a death flag, romance fail and fame drain all rolled into one big unhappy package. Though she didn’t usually effect the plot when things went wrong you would 6 times out of ten find yourself seeing her ugly mug basically while she wasn’t the big bad boss but you’d call an ordinary disaster.

The most horrific thing about Princess Fatty was not her appearance or bad end state, it was that unlike the other disasters it was absolutely impossible to avoid her.

I don’t mean that all the games (with perhaps the exception of hacked) were broken to the point that it was impossible to reach a good or even neutral ending. I mean that from what I have heard she makes quite a large amount of appearances despite being so obviously such a side character.

The whole reason I had even started reading the light novel and later on the other media in the first place was because of a humorous meme I stumbled across.

That meme lead me to other memes which lead me to a comment on a forum which eventually lead to me reading the light novel.

Actually Princess Fatty was surprisingly popular in her own infamous way. She was just one of those characters that people seemed to love to hate.

Here are some meme reproductions for your enjoyment and clarification:

Walking through the castle. WHY IS THERE A MONSTER IN THE CASTLE?! Wait, you say that is your princess?!!

I decided to sneak down into the kitchen to get a snack.

Princess Fatty says: Don’t Even Think About It!

Girl: I think I need to go on a diet

Boy: Why you are already so beautiful

Girl: Because I don’t want the slightest chance of ever looking like this

[pic of PF]

Yeah...

And sadly the bad end was not just limited to bad ends. Even if you avoided all the flags with negative consequences she would still show up to ruin your gaming experience at least once per play through.

Whether it be by glaring at you when you entered the kitchen for a snack in a scary cut scene or being forced to do some random but tiring and randomly annoying minor quest with no reward just because she was the most official princess, she was always a big ole rain on your parade.

Or at least that is what the web videos and wiki summaries all agree on.

And for whatever random or otherwise reason in every picture that I have ever seen of Princess Fatty on her bulging chest was always the necklace that I was now held in my hand.

A necklace which despite its original owner and only spending a small time in the Hero or Heroines hands was always strangely crucial part of most of the plot-lines.