Joyce narrowed her eyes, squinting as she took in the tiny figures below through the thick foliage of the forest. A group of adventurers in second-rate gear were trying and failing at fighting what looked to be a giant wolf with shiny, gem-like horns, their leather armor offering little protection against the wolf’s sharp claws. Joyce crossed her arms and watched with interest as she gracefully descended through the air from the interdimensional gate.

“Oh wow, that girl is just going for it now,” Joyce exclaimed gleefully as the party’s mage gave up on casting and started smacking the wolf with her rather wieldy staff.

“They suck at this,” Spade said in distaste.

“They’re totally losing,” Joyce agreed. Spade sighed and shot downwards to help, taking the wolf out in one blow. Joyce landed lightly behind him as the wolf’s corpse hit the ground with a resounding thud, sending up clouds of dirt.

“What the-” The adventurers stared at them in shock. The one that was holding a greatsword quickly snapped out of it, brushing blonde hair out of his eyes as he straightened.

“Thank you so much!” The other adventurers quickly echoed him, stepping forward to talk with Spade and Joyce. The blonde man smiled at her warmly, and Joyce nodded back as she pretended to understand the status screen above the man's head. Internally she was screeching and hollering. Even Ares had unlocked a translation skill after only a month. A fucking ten-year-old who had only just started learning how to read had outdone her. It had brought bitter tears of jealousy to her eyes that Mohan explained to the boy as "tears of joy".

If they were going to enter a world that had languages she recognized, Joyce had hoped it would at least include English, but no, everything was in Korean. Even though none of the adventurers in front of her looked remotely Asian. That was fine and all, but she couldn't fucking read Korean.

"So..." Joyce said. "Nice status screen. How would you introduce yourself though? I believe in..." she waved her hand around desperately.

"We prefer to hear people describe themselves in their own words rather than going off a cold and impersonal status screen," Spade hurriedly jumped in. "When you travel a lot like we do, human interaction becomes a lot more precious." Joyce nodded.

"Oh, that's really nice," the adventurer said with a smile. "I'm Sam, I'm a Level 34 swordsman." He nodded towards the lumbering giant of a man next to him. "This is Luis, he's a Level 27 warrior." Sam gestured to the girl who had been smacking the wolf with a staff earlier. "This girl here is my little sister, Jane. She's a Level 28 mage, and that guy over there," Sam pointed at the thin man dressed in all black leaning against a tree a few feet away, "He's Gideon, he's a Level 32 Dark Paladin." Sam beamed at Joyce and Spade.

"Would you mind introducing yourselves? We can't read your status screen at all," Gideon spoke in a gravelly voice. "It's completely gibberish."

Joyce glanced at her status screen. It was perfectly readable. It was the only thing that was readable to her in this world. It was in English. How the hell that happened, she had no idea.

"Oh yeah, you know, the whole interdimensional travel thing fucks up the screens," Joyce shrugged. "I'm Joyce, I'm a mage. Nice to meet you all."

"Spade, I'm a swordsman," Spade added, in case the giant sword he was carrying didn't send a clear enough message. Sam and his party nodded and kept looking at them expectantly.

"What do they want?!" Joyce leaned in to whisper at Spade. Spade shrugged.

"Our levels maybe?"

Joyce didn't have a level. Her status screen just said her name and class, and Level: ????? "I don't have one," Joyce whispered.

"Me neither," Spade said. "Maybe qi cultivation doesn't exist here."

After watching them whisper for a bit, Jane pointedly cleared her throat. They turned to look at her and were greeted with a fake smile. "And if you wouldn't mind sharing your levels?" Jane asked politely.

"Oh, uh," Joyce and Spade shared a look of what-the-fuck-do-we-say.

"I don't have one," Joyce finally said. "Probably the interdimensional travel part messed up the screen or something, it's not showing properly."

"Same," Spade immediately agreed. Sam's party looked at them doubtfully but Sam cut them off before they could say anything.

"Of course, that makes sense," Sam said. He really was a nice guy. "Would you like to go to the Adventurer's Guild with us? You can get a reward for the Great Horned Wolf there." Sam jabbed a thumb in the direction of the giant wolf that Spade had cut down earlier. Spade shrugged.

"Sure, but you guys should sell it, I mean you were the ones who were fighting it earlier," Spade said. They had enough gold for now, they didn't need to rob a bunch of hard-working folks of their catch.

"But you delivered the finishing blow! We couldn't have taken it down without you," Sam protested. "Ow," he added as his sister fiercely kicked him in the ankle.

"Dude, we don't want to deal with it, why don't you just buy us a drink after and call it a day?" Joyce suggested. "Just say yes so your sister can stop kicking you."

Sam deflated and agreed, profusely thanking Spade until Spade politely asked him to shut up.

////////

Spade clinked glasses with Joyce. "Cheers," he said flatly. The ale wasn't bad, but the stares from all around them soured the mood a little.

"Aww hell yeah!!!" Joyce grinned gleefully. "Giant glowing mushrooms! Spade, they've got giant glowing mushrooms!" Joyce was looking at a travel brochure. Only the pictures, but evidently that was enough to go off of.

"How big are we talking?" Spade asked, peering at the brochure in interest. The picture of the mushrooms included an adventurer party for scale. It was more or less castle-sized, which was pretty impressive.

"Spade, we have to go. We can't go to a world with giant glowing mushrooms and not go there," Joyce insisted. Spade shrugged. A detour couldn't hurt or take long for that manner.

"You're going to the Poisonous Wastelands?" Sam's voice rang out from behind them. Spade and Joyce turned to greet the party as they returned from dealing with the Giant Horned Wolf cadaver.

"The what now?" Spade asked.

"The Poisonous Wastelands," Sam said, face scrunched in concern. "What on earth could compel you to go there?"

"For the Instagram," Joyce replied. She sighed at Sam's confused look. "For fun."

Sam's eyes were as wide as saucers. "That's...I...interdimensional warriors really are different," he said haltingly.

"Indeed, such bravery is difficult to find in this world!" A deep voice rang out from the other side of the table. Spade and Joyce turned again to look at the large, bearded man who had approached them. He looked like he’d walked straight out of a fantasy novel, with a large axe tucked in the belt of his gold-trimmed tunic.

"Guildmaster!" Sam and his party hurriedly straightened, offering respectful bows of their heads. A murmur went around the room as people got up to bob their heads in greeting.

"At ease, everyone," the Guildmaster said, sweeping his gaze across the room. Everyone settled down again, but the room was now so quiet you could hear a pin drop. It certainly was quiet enough to hear Joyce drain her cup and set it down again, neither her nor Spade having bothered to get up earlier.

"Hey," Joyce greeted. Spade nodded at the Guildmaster. The man didn't seem to mind their lack of respectfulness, smiling broadly at the two of them.

"It is my first time meeting interdimensional warriors such as yourself, to think that even with a 9th-tier translation skill, I would be unable to read your status screens!" The Guildmaster's voice boomed through the room. Spade raised an eyebrow. Guess that answered the translation question then, anything below 10th-tier magic probably wouldn't work on their screens.

"An unfortunate side-effect of the occupation," Spade replied. "Is there anything you need from us?"

"I would like to make a request of you," the Guildmaster openly admitted, "But first, please join me for dinner." He gestured to the second-floor balcony. It was secluded from view when seen below but offered a vantage point to see the whole first floor.

"You want to introduce yourself first?" Joyce asked. "I'm Joyce, by the way. Mage."

"Spade, swordsman," Spade added. A brief look of confusion flashed over the Guildmaster's face.

"The interdimensional warriors prefer spoken greetings," Sam offered in a small voice.

"Of course!" The Guildmaster looked very pleased. "Marcus Reidman, level 65 Magic Swordsman and Guildmaster of the Arcfield Guild. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

//////

Marcus led them onto the second-floor lounge, which looked more or less like a fancy VIP lounge. Joyce grinned at the Six-Antlered Deer mounted on the wall and the Three-Eyed Tiger skin rug.

"Marcus, are you by any chance a fan of rare animals?" she asked. The Guildmaster smiled at her with twinkling eyes, a weird look on someone who wasn't old enough to cross from middle-aged to senior-citizen territory yet.

"Indeed," he replied. "These are some of the guild's most prized catches. The Giant Horned Wolf that Sam's party brought in today comes close in value, but I suppose it was your work?"

Spade raised an eyebrow. "Not really. I just landed sword-first on the wolf. Happy coincidence."

The Guildmaster chuckled and shook his head. "A party of adventurers under Level 40 couldn't possibly have accomplished such a feat, but if you say so," Marcus said. Spade decided to drop the subject.

"So about the Poisonous Wasteland," Spade said pointedly, looking at Marcus with curiosity. Marcus opened his mouth to speak but stilled as two servers brought in a few bottles of expensive-looking wine and platters of food. He waited until the servers left before gesturing for Spade and Joyce to help themselves.

"The Poisonous Wastelands weren't always as such," Marcus said heavily. "Once, the Glowing Crown Mushrooms were the pride of the region. My hometown was built beneath the Mushroom Forest. But ten years ago, the region became cursed." He sighed, tears suddenly welling up in his eyes and dripping into his beard. Spade reached across the table to pat Marcus on the back, found that his reach fell short by a few inches, and chose to pat Marcus' hand instead.

"We're sorry to hear that," Spade said soothingly. "Do you want to tell us a bit more about the curse?"

"We don't know what it is, even. The whole area within a thirty-mile radius is filled with poisonous gas, every major guild has sent out parties of adventurers, but no one has ever returned alive. Even the Temple of Prophecy hasn't been able to do anything." Marcus sighed with defeat. "They prophesied that two interdimensional warriors would undo the curse, and we've been waiting for you ever since. Won't you please help us?"

Spade glanced at Joyce, who shrugged back.

"We're freelance workers, so we can take it as a commission if it meets our requirements," Spade said. Marcus immediately brightened, large round tears still dripping down his weathered cheeks.

"Of course, we will gladly pay as much as you would like! And if you have any requests we would gladly fulfill them to the best of our ability!"

"Not so fast," Spade said. "Our requirements are pretty simple, but if you can't meet all of them then we're done here."

Marcus wordlessly nodded, gaze filled with determination.

"First, our names and faces are kept secret, and you can't keep records on our involvement." Spade lifted his index finger.

"Second, we will only take care of cases that are immediately dangerous. If it's not, we won't get involved." Spade lifted another finger.

"Third, we won't get involved in any interpersonal conflicts, except to get rid of an immediate danger." Spade held up a third finger. They’d added that clause after a particularly nasty case between a Hero and her Demon King husband. Marcus nodded slowly as Spade spoke, listening with intent concentration.

"Fourth, if the immediate danger is caused by a human or sentient being, we decide how to deal with it.” This was something people tended not to understand or accept as easily, though Joyce tended not to give much of a fuck whether or not their commissioners agreed with her.

"Finally, do not interfere with us in the field. If you jump in or something you will most likely die, and if you do, we won't take any responsibility whatsoever." Spade unfurled his fifth finger before lowering his hand. Marcus mulled the requirements over for a moment.

"None of this is negotiable?" Marcus asked. Spade and Joyce shook their heads in unison. Marcus pondered for a while longer before nodding at them.

"Very well, I accept your requirements," Marcus said. "We'll be in your care."

Joyce finished eating her bread roll and leaned forward in her chair. "Awesome, but one more thing, if you want us to sign anything at all, you have to read it out to us word-for-word while under a Spell of Truth. Not to doubt your honor or anything, just standard business practice."

"Of course," Marcus readily agreed. "The only contract will be for the payment since you don't want to have your presence known, but I will gladly do so."

"I'll drink to that," Joyce said as she poured herself a cup of wine. Marcus and Spade followed suit, clinking glasses while Joyce downed her drink in two gulps.

“So the Poisonous Wastelands,” Spade prompted.

"The Poisonous Wastelands are highly poisonous, anything below a 9th-tier Poison Resistance skill won't be enough, and it's also full of demonic beasts," Marcus said, watching as Joyce poured another cup. Joyce raised her glass at him.

"I appreciate that, um, I don't actually have a good Poison Resistance skill, mine's only 5th-tier and I never bothered leveling it up," Joyce said cheerfully.

"Oh." Marcus's face fell a bit.

"I do, however, have an 18th-tier Poison Immunity skill, and Spade's a Sage-level cultivator so he's automatically immune," Joyce continued.

“Oh!” Marcus visibly brightened.

Joyce cut him off as Marcus opened his mouth to speak. "So the poison in this wine really doesn't work on me. Kind of a weird thing for you to do while asking us for help though."

Marcus paled immediately. "Poison? What-what on earth are you talking about?"

Spade paused to peer suspiciously at the wine. Huh. It really was poisoned with a substance he wasn't familiar with, but the wine was too good to waste. He downed his glass anyways.

"The Clibellio poison or whatever that you put in," Joyce said patiently, pausing at Marcus’ expression of horror. "It's fine, this happens pretty often. But are you really trying to hire us? This isn't really a great recruitment plan, you know."

Marcus tried to talk but only choked, gasping for air as he tried to get up. The large man swayed and crashed into the floor, eyes bulging from his sockets and body convulsing as he clawed at his throat.

"Uh...." Joyce looked at Spade. "Maybe it wasn't his idea?"

Spade rolled his eyes. "Just heal him up first."

Joyce flicked a finger out and Marcus immediately began vomiting onto the floor. The two watched with a little disgust as Marcus gagged.

"You alright there?" Spade stepped around the table to assess Marcus' condition, carefully avoiding the vomit soaking into the carpet. Marcus looked at him in shock and horror.

"Someone tried to kill us," Marcus whispered hoarsely. Spade handed him a napkin and stood back to let the Guildmaster wipe his face a bit.

"Just to confirm," Spade asked softly, "Not your poison?" Marcus shook his head vehemently, large frame shaking as he slowly got up. Spade grabbed his forearm to pull him up.

Marcus coughed a few times before bowing his head to Joyce. "I owe you my life."

"That's a little extra, but ok,” she said. “Now who the fuck did this?”