I had one task: Put the voting ballots in the mailbox.

It was a normal Monday afternoon. The week had barely begun, and I was doing what I was supposed to be... perusing the online marketpl━ahem, I mean, school. Anywho, I heard a clank, thump, and a, “Get out of town, you honky-tonked *****!” from the ol’ cowboy insult button outside of my bedroom window (let it be known, it goes off anytime someone steps on the porch, and I can’t seem to find the darned thing). Then the dog barked. Obviously, someone was at the door.

Hopping out of my seat (not a short joke, I hop, okay?), I slipped on my slides, and went to the door. Through the pair of french doors, I saw a set of packages, then looked up and practically felt my heart leap right out of my chest. A horrid feeling if you’ve ever had the experience. The mailman was already at the mailbox two hours ahead of schedule!

I turned, and made three (ten) long strides to the dining room table, grabbed the stack of ballots, and rushed to the door. I swung that door open, and closed it on my doggy’s nosy nose! Poor dear. It’s a good thing her pain tolerance is, well... What do you call a dog that doesn’t feel pain? Either way, she’s okay, y’all.

Once the door was closed, I paused at the edge of the deck. Before me was a lake (a puddle). But clearly, I had to make the ultimate sacrifice for my one task. I leaped as far across the lake as I possibly could (hardly getting a drop of water on me) and raced down the driveway! Next I knew, I was flying down the street after the mailman, and this man was a professional. At the next mailbox, he stopped briefly. Boom! Done. Next.

You gotta be kidding me, I thought, I’m never gonna catch this guy.

But that didn’t discourage me. If anything, I ran faster. So fast, I thought my (little) legs were gonna run right out from under me!

Just as the mailman rounded the corner, a rickety old black car came around, slowed, and stopped. They stared. Not sure what they were doing, but they stared. After a second (as if I could see the lightbulb go off over the vehicle), they put their car in reverse, and went back around the corner! As I came around, I saw them expertly back all the way up, then swing in front of the mailman at the final mailbox in the intersection.

Yes! I was gonna make it!

I rounded the mail truck, came to a lovely full bearded mailman, and breathlessly handed him the ballots.

“Thanks,” I wheezed, backed away, and waved thanks to my hero of the day.

My legs felt like jello. The walk home was unpleasant. At the very least I accomplished my one━wait a second... My one task was to put the ballots in the mailbox... Whoops.