《A Portal Fantasy Comedy Poem》Thor Needs to See a Shrink
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Thor returns to the hall and curses in dismay
"I instructed you all to train this wimp," (he) rebukes
And now I find you put on such a fine display?
All your horrible acting makes me want to puke"
"Who's acting? asks James, "My victory was no fluke
You are just jealous of my wondrous new power"
He says, looking around as proud as an archduke
"Really, Thor you are such a very big downer"
"Fine. Lesson one," says Thor, "you will now encounter
'Tis to always, at all times, respect your teacher"
"In truth," says James, "You Thor are such a big coward
"You are too weak to even pick up that hammer"
Thor picks up a hammer placed below a banner
And swings it at the joyous Viscount James point blank
And poor James, just stands, he cannot even stagger
"After every lesson," says Thor, "Say your thanks"
"Thank you," mumbles James, "Think I'd rather walk the plank
It hurts so much, why don't you go pick on Peter?
"My sight is now gone, I can only see a blank
I say Thor, you are such a vile Viscount beater.”
"Lesson two for you two, run a kilometre,"
Thor looks at them grimly, he will take no excuse
"Run now and finish before I drink a litre
Or would you rather experience more abuse?"
"I won't run," said Peter, "I'd much rather drink juice"
"Lesson three then, do not argue with your teacher,"
Thor pats his hammer, "To you too I'll introduce
This magnificent hammer and all its features"
He'd much rather be bored listening to preachers
Than run round and round in a useless endeavour
He thinks of Mary then, that beautiful creature
He will do this for Mary and their forever
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Everyday they run, each time wearing more armour
The heavy weight of mail, sword, shield near breaks their knees
It's tough. Thor will have no shirking whatsoever
And then lesson four begins like a pleasant breeze
"In this realm, 'the Afterworld' in parentheses"
Says Thor, "You have no doubt discovered the secret
Strength and weakness are in the mind, don't feel unease
It is written about in this little leaflet"
He hands them a book which says, ‘Wonders of Egypt’
"Umm," says James, "What's the secret got to do with this?"
Your line of thinking I really cannot decrypt"
"I gave you the wrong leaflet. I, Thor was remiss."
He hands them another, titled 'Bliss and Abyss
The secret of gaining great strength in the dead realm'
Thor then nods at them and with a wave does dismiss
"Know by heart this wonderful treatise by Wilhelm."
Peter leaves the hall and sits under an old elm
Painstakingly pronouncing each word with a frown
He would much rather be running around with helm
These words are a real agony, pain to his crown
The secret's the mind, he finally breaks it down
Over here you are as strong as you think you are
With the right mindset one could even fly around
To distances near and far or 'haps e'en a star
It is that simple, laughs Peter, that's so bizarre
For a leaflet with a hundred or so pages
Why turn a few words into a whole seminar?
Those old scholars always talk of things for ages
He closes his eyes, and with spirit engages
To fly up high, towards the dark and cloudy sky
He keeps going up higher in little stages
(Mary's white lamb on the ground ‘maa’s in confusion
Wond'ring if Peter had drunk some avian infusion)
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"Mary," Peter screams as he falls from cloudy sky
A moment's indiscretion results in the drop
He falls into a lake, he's far away from dry
Thor and the white lamb stare at him in the backdrop
Thor pulls the boy out, "Let us go to the cloth shop
The tailor will give you something before you freeze
Maybe a haircut too, you'd look good with a crop
And then we shall go and snack on some tasty cheese
Then you'll teach the fop with your flying expertise
Once you are done with that, you both shall train to fly
With Einherjar on your back and against the breeze
If you refuse," This grins, "I shall make you comply"
"I cannot waste my time, I've an eye in the sky"
Says Peter, "To find my pretty darling Mary"
"I know where she is, her location I'll supply"
Says Thor, "Train now, or copy the dictionary."
After they are done with eating cheese and cherry
Peter goes back to Valhalla's Halls to find James
Thor looks at the sky and suddenly turns wary
A goddess says to him, "Thor, stop playing your games"
"Sif, my love," says Thor, "My one and only true flame
Your golden hair casts other women to despair"
Sif's eyes glitter, "Husband, have you really no shame?
Now don't you run away from me Thor, don't you dare
You've had no women while away, do you dare swear?"
Thor scratches his head, "There may have been one I think
No, twelve, and that pair to whom I had to be fair,"
Angry Sif, "I'll break your head with the kitchen sink
I think it is time that you went and saw a shrink
Something wrong with your brain, I think that you're insane
And so addicted to women, danger and drink
There's a certain mental wellness you can't maintain"
"Sif, my love" says Thor, "you're all I need for my brain
My mental health is well now that I am with you
Let's go now and do something magic and arcane
I won't mince my words with you, till morrow let's screw
"Oh Thor, my love," Sif blushes, "I have changed my view
You might be a cheat, a lout and a disaster
I'll kill any other woman you dare pursue
But for tonight you shall be my love, my master"
Let's leave Thor to his happily ever after
Let us leave Peter and James to their flight training
Let's leave the mockingbird and lamb to their laughter
Let's shift scene to Mary before moon starts waning
(To be continued... I do hope
Once I find her by telescope)
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