Trust. A word that small with such big consequences. Azura had told him she trusted him, made him believe her, and she did for a big part. She had indulged Lucas on most of the story about the phoenix, telling him in detail what had happened except for one thing. She couldn’t mention it, not yet. Feeling guilty about it, she tried not to let it shine through but she was just not ready yet, and the warning from doctor Jensen still lingered in the back of her head. There was no denying Lucas suspected something but he had not inquired about it and she was happy he hadn’t. Still, she told him she trusted him, and yet her actions proved otherwise.

There had not been much time for them to talk about it though, as a day later Lucas suddenly left after the mayor had given him a call. It wasn’t just him, Jeff, Nathan, Oliver and another young man named Johnathan had left. A hike as he called it. Azura didn’t believe him as he would not be asked by the mayor to go on a hike with a group of men. There was something else behind it that he did not want to tell her and Azura had an idea of what that could be. The very reason she had not revealed to him what she was.

The thin woman forced herself to look up again, keeping her thoughts at bay as much as possible. No use in reminiscing about everything but better to stay in the present. With not much else to do, she spend most of her time in the climbing hall, helping out now that the men were gone or just hanging out with Sheila and Rose. As she looked over at Sheila she noticed the big woman seemed tired. Azura flashed her an acknowledging smile all the while Rose was still rambling on about whatever it was that had caught her interest.

“Don’t you agree, Azu?!” Rose prodded in her shoulder trying to get her attention.

“Sorry… I did not follow that last part.”

Rose rolled her eyes before repeating what she said. “I said, I had expected Sheila to be pregnant by now,” The small woman turned to Sheila as she continued. “I mean, you guys have be-”

Azura shoved her elbow into Rose’s ribs in a not so gentle manner to shut her up as she noticed Sheila paling before them. A sadness falling over her face as she took a deep breath to steady herself.

“What the?! What was that for?!” Rose angry exclaimed as she rubbed the spot where Azura had nudged her.

“For being an insensitive idiot.”

“I was not…” As Rose turned to face Sheila she fell silent. Sheila gave them both a meek smile and shook her head.

“It’s alright. And no, I’m not pregnant. Yet. We’re trying, but it’s hard. It’s starting to take a toll on us both. We both got the greenlight healthwise, so that’s not the issue. It’s just that this whole baby-making thing, it’s becoming forced. Jeff is getting frustrated; the fun is gone. Actually, I’m rather glad the guys went out on that trip together. Gives me some time to clear my head and make a choice about what to do. I’m thinking of putting this whole ordeal on hold for now. A baby will come when it’s time. I would never forgive myself if I ruined our relationship over a child.”

Rose placed her hand on top of Sheila’s in understanding and the two women shared a short look together. Azura watched the two green-eyes ladies for a bit before her attention got distracted by a couple of shirtless men walking by ready to go climb. It had been a lot quieter now in the hall since the winter sports season had fallen to an end. There were fewer tourists around and now mostly the locals hung out in the hall. Some of those locals enjoyed that fact as they felt more at home to just climb shirtless.

“Seeing something you like?” Rose winked at her.

“Wha? No!” Azura stammered as both women just laughed at her. “No, I just… I’m not ready for that! Any of that.” She waved at the men.

“So that’s not the reason you cut your hair and started to wear some make-up?” Sheila had placed her elbows on the counter and leaned towards the raven-haired woman.

Azura combed through her now shoulder-length hair. “The reason I did that was cause Rose forced me to cut my hair and apply some make-up. There was no way I could refuse.”

“Damn right you don’t refuse me! Plus, it makes you look a lot better! I bet even Lucas wouldn’t say no if you aske-” Rose grunted as she got a second prod in her ribs from Azura.

“Dare to finish that sentence. Like I said I’m not interested in guys, romance, or any of that stuff and I’m just going to overlook the fact you brought your ex into this!”

Rose grimaced and looked over at Sheila for help but she just shrugged her shoulders and kept her mouth shut.

“No Azura-babies either…. I get the message…” She mumbled softly.

Azura’s breath hitched for a small moment which did not go unnoticed by the two ladies. She gulped as she realized her friends had no clue what had happened and what the implications were.

“No Azura-babies ever…” Azura said softly. “Though I never had felt the need to create little mini-me’s the choice was taken from me back when I met Lucas. He must have told you guys some things about it?” Rose just nodded as Sheila placed her hand on top off Azura’s and squeezed lightly.

“I got hurt; badly hurt. Heck, it’s a fucking miracle I’m even alive. Hence Lucas’s reaction when he first saw me in town. My womb is greatly disfigured and scarred, on top of that one of my ovaries is gone and the other… Well, that one ain’t producing eggs anymore.” Azura shrugged as she blinked rapidly a few times trying to clear the water that was close to leaking out of her eyes.

She never wanted to have kids of her own but it was her choice. A choice that could always change depending on age and place in life. Maybe in five years’ time, she would change her mind and she would want to try to have a baby. That choice had been taken from her. She no longer had a choice and no matter how often she reminded herself she had no plans to reproduce, it still hurt. More than she’d like to admit.

A fake smile formed on her face trying to give the other two the impression she was fine. “I never wanted to have babies anyway.”

Oblivious to her friend’s inner turmoils Rose spoke up. “Well, I’d like to have kids of my own one day. Just not now.”

“If you’d want one now I would really wonder who the father would be. You normally need a guy for that first.” Sheila butted in.

Rose bit her lip and Azura could swear a slight blush crept on the woman’s cheeks. She could not loo long as Rose’s phone started to ring straight away. Mouthing an apology, Rose hurriedly walked away as she answered the call.

Sheila just shook her head and let out a small frustrated groan. “That girl... I swear she is hiding something. You doing alright, dear?”

As Sheila looked up again her green eyes clashed with Azura’s cold blue ones. Azura stared at Sheila, all smiles and friendliness gone. Azura had her hands on the counter, fists clenched together as she bit her lip.

“Rose is obviously seeing someone.” Her voice was devoid of all emotion. “Your eyes. They’re green. As are Lucas’s, Rose’s, and I bet a whole lot of other people here. An almost unnatural green. Vibrant, strong. Yes, there are differences in hues but there’s something deeper behind them. Behind all of you.”

Sheila paled and took a step back as her eyes widened at Azura and the sudden change of topic. She wiped some red strands of hair out of her face while nervously looking around to see if nobody had heard Azura. “This is not the place for such talks.”

“The guys,” Azura whispered, “They’re not on a normal hike. They’re after blue-eyed snow leopards, am I right?”

“If you know, then you know that most ears are more sensitive than any human. This is not the place. But the quick answer is yes.”

Azura visibly relaxed at the confirmation which in turn, allowed Sheila to relax a little as well. Tension still hung in the air between them but Azura leaned back and took a few breaths while quickly scanning the climbing hall. People were just doing their thing and there was nobody even remotely close to them so the likelihood of someone hearing her was minimal.

“Sorry… I just needed to know. Lucas explained things about it all, about him, a little about blue-eyed snow leopards and green-eyed ones. I… He did not say what was going on now, just seemed in a hurry to leave and the past few days has given me some time to think about it.” Partly true, Azura hoped Sheila would believe her and it seemed like she did as the big woman released and just gave her a nod with a small smile.

“We can talk more later if you wish. Just not now and not here. Could you maybe man the bar for the rest of the afternoon? Since the guys are gone, I’m actually a person short.”

A nod was all the confirmation Sheila got but it was enough. She gave Azura a wink and squeezed her hand for a moment as a reassurance of their friendship. “Look, there was something else I wanted to ask you, Azu. You’re here so often and you always help out. It’s time you get paid for it too. Jeff and I discussed this earlier and we would like to officially employ you.”

Stunned, Azura’s mouth opened and closed a few times without words coming out. “I… Really? Are you sure? I mean, I’m not the most stable person out there. That time I was ‘sick’ you do realize I wasn’t really physically… ‘sick’ right? I could, that could happen again.”

“I know. We all know. We won’t let you take a shift alone and you can always back out of a shift if you need it. Just keep letting us know what’s going on and how you feel.”

“Alright. I’ll do it. Thanks, it means a lot to me!”

Soon after Sheila left, Rose came back from her phonecall and both women worked the rest of the day till evening started to fall. Now that spring was here it was quieter in the hall. The tourists that occasionally wanted a break from skiing or snowboarding often came to their place but now it was mostly just regulars. According to Rose, summer was when things would pick up again. For now, Azura did not mind as exhaustion was setting in. She tried stifling a yawn and failed to do so right as someone walked up the counter.

“Hey, sleepyhead It’s not even eight yet!” Leaning over, the blond-haired guy made her chuckle as she walked over.

“What are you doing here, Steffen? Lucas is gone for at least three more days.” She pulled a barstool over and sat down easing the annoying tingle in her feet.

“Yeah, I did not come to see that big ass. I was actually wondering if Rose was still around.” A slight blush crept on his cheeks which did not go unnoticed.

A grin plastered itself on Azura’s face as she leaned back a bit and turned her head sideways to the office.

“Rose!” She shouted it harder than needed, “There’s somewhere here to meet ya! He’s tall, blond, and very handsome!”

Azura got down the barstool and took a step back, leaning against a wall so she would have both Steffen and Rose in her view when the short one walked in. It didn’t take long for her to appear and the grin on Azura's face only grew larger as she saw Rose's reaction to Steffen. Rose quickly grabbed his hand and dragged him outside while glaring at Azura to keep her mouth shut. Azura just gave a small chuckle and continued with her work as they both left. It was only fifteen minutes when Rose came back by herself.

"Had fun?" Azura tried to hide a grin but failed miserably at doing so.

"It's not what you think!" Her flustered face betrayed her straight away.

“Yeah right, And I’m an airplane.” Azura sarcastically replied. “How long has this been going on?”

"Ever since... Steffen came to town, I guess." Rose was shuffling her foot around like a toddler who got caught doing something bad. Azura just made a facepalm and shook her head.

"You or Steffen need to tell Lucas. I'm sure he won't mind, but you do need to tell him."

"He'll kill me! Well maybe not me, but he'll kill Steffen for sure! And I know I need to tell him but we haven't gotten around to it yet, and then the guys decided to leave all of a sudden, and this just became a whole lot more serious. You know how it goes..."

"I don't actually, but that's ok." Azura grinned at Rose and turned around to help someone else. Rose walked past her and gave her a prod in the ribs before heading back to the office.

It was not long before Azura left for home. Once there, she made her way to the bathroom, stripped, and started removing her make-up. It appeared as if she was only wearing mascara and eyeliner but as she proceeded, a layer of concealer also rubbed off. When she was done, she stared at herself in the mirror, her own reflection shocking herself. Dark circles lay underneath her eyes. Ever since Lucas had left, the nightmares had intensified since the whole Phoenix ordeal and this time, there was no one to wake her up. She was getting fewer ad fewer hours of good sleep and it was driving her insane. Afraid to close her eyes, Azura had tried many things to calm her mind before going to bed but nothing had helped to keep the nightmares at bay. She was just glad neither Rose nor Sheila had noticed how tired she actually was. Waking up bathing in sweat and absolutely terrified was something she did not like to talk about yet. This was something only she could stop and till then, she would try anything to just get one night of full sleep.

*

She felt the knife in her hand, felt the cold touch of the handle in her palm. It was a perfect fit. She kneeled down next to the faceless body and pressed the blade to the throat. The vein could be seen pumping against the skin and she pressed the tip of the knife against it without breaking the skin.

She felt her own bloodthirst rise up. She wanted the kill, the rush of seeing life ebb away as the blood flowed out of the body. But this body was faceless. It was alive as she could feel the warmth of the skin and the heart pumping, but there was no face to gaze at. No eyes that were pleading, no eyes demanding her to kill.

Azura pressed the knife deeper into the skin until blood welled up at the tip. The body didn’t move one bit, it couldn’t feel anything and just laid there. She was getting restless, this is not how she wanted to kill. She withdrew the knife again and tried to throw it away but it clung to her palm. Her hand started to shake and quickly she got up and stumbled backward.

Her hand closed itself around the handle of the knife again and acted on its own. It pulled her forward guiding her back to the body. She pressed the knife back against the throat and pushed harder. The skin was giving in, more blood started spilling and then the skin parted in slow-motion. On each side of the knife, the skin retracted and seemed to curl up a bit before blood started oozing out.

The relief, the tension, the excitement it gave her was exhilarating. Slowly she dragged the knife around the throat, slicing it open even further until the blood was spraying out with every beat of its heart. She had sliced the main artery and it felt so damn good to feel the blood splatter on herself. It started as a chuckle but soon she was laughing hysterically.

Like a maniac, her laughter roared around in the darkness surrounding her. She tossed her head back as she withdrew the knife and buried it in the chest of the faceless body. The laughter became even louder as she gripped the handle with both her hands and started plunging it again and again in the chest. She loved this feeling! She loved to kill! It was giving her that rush of adrenaline that nothing else could give her.

"Azura?"

She spun around, covered in blood grinning like a mad maniac. A tall figure appeared from the darkness and watched her. Slowly she got up and tossed the knife to the side. Another body to kill and this one was moving. This one was alive.

She stretched her fingers and licked her lips. She had killed with a knife so now it was time to do it with her bare hands. The figure came closer and she kept laughing louder with every step it took. As the body touched her she lunged straight for him. Her hand wrapped around its throat and she applied pressure.

"Jesus Christ, Azu!" A sharp pain erupted from the side of her cheek as her head was slapped to one side. She fell. She fell into a black hole, darkness surrounding her, hugging her until she hit the floor with a loud thud.

Dazed, Azura looked around, finding herself on the floor of her own room. She groaned as she felt a sharp jab of pain in her cheek. She slowly got up on her knees and waited for a moment to regain her orientation.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Lucas's voice gave her shivers. He was furious. She turned around and stared at him in shock as he rubbed his throat.

"I... I don't know. I was... Dreaming? Did I...?"

She was stammering. All the blood left her face as she realized what most likely had happened. Lucas groaned and motioned for her to get up. She complied and slowly she approached him.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me... In my dream, it was just...you blended in. I didn’t know!"

She rubbed her cheek and sat down on the bed. Lucas's anger was quickly fading as she started to apologize and he realized it was her acting in a dream. He sighed and joined her on the bed.

"I shouldn't have hit you but it seemed the only way to get your crazy ass off of me. You actually tried to choke me, Azu. Don't ever try that again!"

Azura stared at her feet. She had actually given in to the urge to kill. Even though it had just been a dream, she had given in. And the need to kill someone with her bare hands was just shocking.

"I'm so sorry. You had every right. I would have done the same I think."

Her voice was barely audible. It was silent for a while and finally, she looked up at Lucas. He still seemed in shock; skin pale and eyes rested deep in his sockets. He seemed exhausted.

"What are you doing back so early?" Her voice was coming back. "I didn’t expect you back for another few days."

Lucas closed his eyes and leaned back, his weight resting on his elbows. She noticed he was struggling to keep his emotions at bay. "Johnathan has gone missing. We searched all over but there was not a single trace." His voice broke. "He just... vanished."