《Phenomena the Basic Witch and the Unwritten Kingdom》Chapter Two: See Me After Class
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Mena found it hard to sleep that night. The excitement of the mystery book made her heart pang. Her mind was puzzled by the “spontaneous act of passion” it took to open the book. Was it writing a story with a vivid flair? Scarfing down a toadstool and frog burger? Or was it possibly something romantic? The young witch hoped it was the latter. Perhaps if she knew anything about the author, it would make things a lot easier.
When the liccans crowed in the morning, Mena had only gotten a few hours of sleep. It was time to start the semester, whether she ready or not. Looking through slightly blood-shot eyes, she groaned and grumbled. “Magic give me a spiced latte with eye of newt, perhaps a double helping to boot”
A blackish-brown liquid congealed over her head before splashing all over her face.
“Aieeeee!” she screamed. “I’m up! I’m up!”
Panting as scalding hot coffee dripped off her face, Mena turned to Janus who smiled wistfully. “Gotta be super specific with your magic words. For instance, never ask to be the head of ceremonies…without a body. We lost many a good witch that way.”
“Now you tell me,” Mena said, finally catching her breath. “Well, girls. After that panic attack on a biscuit, are you ready to start a whole new semester full of drama and mysteries?”
As she brushed her hair, May pouted. There was a glum expression on her face. “I only hope I can do something time.”
Mena’s triangular eyebrows raised. “What do you mean, May?”
May hung her head low. “When you and Janus saved the school, all I did was watch.”
May shook her head and put her brush down. “I didn’t do anything this fall semester.”
You did do something!” Mena responded, still feeling baffled by her friend. “You helped me save the school”—Mena narrowed her eyes with a sly expression—"You also found a very sexy date at the homecoming. Even I was like, ‘hubba hubba.’”
“I know…” May said, “but I didn’t even fight any bad guys. I simply stood there. Plus, I’m starting to think Leo only liked me for my perfume. He kept sniffing me the whole date.”
“Nonsense,” Mena replied. “You’re such a great listener. I’m sure he loved having someone to hear all about his Mindball conquests.”
“That’s the problem,” May said, looking down in a dejected manner. “I’m nothing but a listener…and a follower… “
May lifted her head and her glasses shined brightly in the lights. “Mena, Janus. I’m going to solve this book mystery…or at least do something remotely useful.”
“Dream big, May,” Mena smiled widely. “That’s how I got here after all.”
“That’s right,” May’s face flopped into a big smile. “I’m gonna prove my mummy wrong and show that I am marrying material.”
***
By the time, Mena arrived in the dining hall, a full crowd of students had gathered. Everyone was getting ready for a big announcement from Gemini. Mena approached the silver cloud machine, pumped a cloud out of the funnel and flew towards her cloud table. Everyone’s clouds had crystalized with the snowfall from last night. On her way through the icy skies of the dining hall, she heard a raspberry and looked around. Sitting smug atop their clouds, Marie and Laetitia, the two Bougelves frowned at Mena with Ashlan, her lioness ex-roomate.
“Mercy, mercy moi,” the dark-haired Marie cried. “Janus isn’t the only one ‘oo looks dead around here.”
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Mena quickly chanted, “Magic magic if you will…” with her hand held to her head. Marie flinched and hid behind her sister. Getting her mouth turned into a duck bill courtesy of Mena’s imagicnation had left a powerful impact on the dark haired elf.
“Good going,” Janus said with a gleeful smile. “Though maybe you could turn ‘em into rat cadavers instead!”
“What’s this announcement for anyway?” Mena asked, and she placed the mystery tome on the table. “Hopefully we still got time to plan after this…Before classes start at least.”
“I think the best plan of action,” Janus said, giving a bony smile. “Is asking Gemini about it. Perhaps he’s come across a book like this in his long life.”
“Aw man,” May said, giving a pudgy frown. “I wish I thought of that.”
“Why?” Mena and Janus asked with sudden concern.
“I’m not doing well on my conquest for usefulness,” May remarked, before she was interrupted by the headmaster.
“Students of Nightdream Academy,” Gemini exclaimed, his voice magnified so loud the soundwaves bounced around the room.
The headmaster balanced high on his throne-like cloud. He was decked out in his purple and green dreamcoat with his curly hair piled high on his head. His dark eyes looked quite dapper as he flamboyantly raised a hand. “I hope you kids are enjoying your winter break, but to make this spring semester a bit more complicated and dramatic, I have two announcements to make!”
“First,” Gemini said, “In order to fill the void left by our recently departed, Professor Gaia, I have hired a new teacher. She teaches a much more relevant subject than Apocalypse Studies.”
A short, dumpy looking woman with large round spectacles, a traditional witches hat and a firmly tied bun of hair flanked Gemini. Her cheeks were rounded, looking quite like Mena’s best friend. This impression solidified when May exclaimed, “Mummy!”
Gemini’s wily eyes surveyed everyone’s reaction.
“Leaving her magical convenience store in care of her husband, Professor Loreena Cumberson has returned to her career of teaching Magic Home Ec.”
Much to Mena’s surprise, Mrs. Cumberson didn’t bat an eye at her daughter and instead spoke to the whole room.
“At last,” Cumberson said with an elated expression, “We have a class in this school to transform you girls into fine young wielders of magic and suitable material to wed. I’m here to mold your imperfections like putty until you are flawless packages of womanhood.”
Mena noticed all the other teachers, including Caligari looked uncomfortable. Mena was used to a hard-headed teacher like Caligari, but this woman seemed even tougher. May went pale. “I can’t believe my mum is here. She didn’t even tell me she was teaching again.”
“Is that stick-in-the-mud really your mom?” Janus asked. “She’s like Electra without the campy charm.”
May sighed, lowering her mouth onto the cloud table.
“Sorceresses,” Gemini continued. “There will be one important change to the curriculum. We will be making Magic Home Ec a necessity as per the suggestion of Mrs. Loreena Cumberson. I will now send out the new schedules so you can see which period you have her. The rest of your classes will remain at the time they usually are.”
Gemini clapped his hands, and once again, thousands of paper suns, crescent moons, globes and a singular rainbow flew out from behind the teachers and zoomed to their respective student.
A moon, globe and rainbow hovered over Mena, May and Janus.
“Hmm,” Mena said, reading her rainbow. “First period is my Magic Home Ec class.”
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May made a noise that sounded like an asthmatic walrus, causing Mena and Janus to look over.
“I’ve got first period with my mummy too. This is going to be rough.”
The bell tolled, sending everyone off to their first period. Before Mena could reach Gemini, however, he disappeared behind his trademark tarot card.
“Drat rats” she exclaimed. “Who are we going to ask about the book?”
“How about Caligari?” Janus asked sweetly. “I see her down there.”
Mena and her friends soared down on their cloud, leaping off it onto the floor. They managed to catch Caligari right before she exited the room.
The Night Creeper Defense teacher lightly bobbed her head when she saw Mena. “Hello Willow. I hope you had a nice winter break.”
“Thanks, I did,” Mena responded courteously, “Thanks for the nightcatcher.”
“You’re welcome,” Caligari said, her voice strangely light for her ghostly appearance.
Mena smiled. “We have a question for you.”
“Oh,” Caligari said, “My class starts soon…I…”
Mena quickly thrusted the book in her professor’s face. “Then let’s do this fast. Professor, have you ever seen a book like this?”
Caligari was flustered for a brief second. Her almond shaped eyes surveyed the book, and her mouth hung open in a mystified expression. “The magic tech of this book is ancient. You might want to consult Gemini on these matters. He’s a lot older than I am.”
Mena was deterred, but that didn’t prevent her from narrowing her eyes and grinning sheepishly. “I see why you’re into him now.”
Like a streak of blood in a snowbank, Caligari’s lilywhite face turned bright red. “Willow,” she whispered. “Not here. I’m going to ask him on our first date soon.”
Mena tilted her head with curiosity. “You haven’t?”
Caligari pressed two her long, pale fingers together. “Well I wanted to…but he’s been awfully stressed lately. I’m not sure why…”
“Interesting…” Mena remarked. “I…oof…”
Mena found herself shoved aside by Ashlan. The lionesses’ face was fixed in a near-permanent sneer.
“Move it, Rainy. Unlike some people, the future valor sorceress can’t be late for her first period.”
Mena glared at her ex-roomate’s snobbery as she paraded off.
“Blunt as she is,” Caligari began. “She’s right. I must be going.”
Caligari bowed her head politely and looked up at Mena with sincerity. “You’re welcome for the gift, Willow. I will be sure to call upon the uhm…lovemaster when it’s time to make my move on Gemini.”
“You got it,” Mena happily nodded. Her friends tried not to snicker about Mena’s title.
Caligari vanished into the shadows, leaving Mena, May and Janus without a lead. Mena and May bid farewell to Janus as they approached Mrs. Cumberson’s room for their first period.
When Mena arrived at the former classroom of Professor Gaia, she wasn’t surprised how much it had changed. Gone were the black abacuses, the cut-and-pasted clippings spelling certain doom and the infamous chair with the stuffed raven on it, and they were replaced with frilled floral wallpaper, baskets of sowing material and a collection of polished, white cauldrons with flower designs to match the wallpaper. The stocky, short teacher was sitting straight in her chair, observing the girls as they entered with an icy surveillance. She hardly batted an eye when May passed, her daughter seemingly another one of the girls to her. As soon as everyone was at their desk, Mrs. Cumberson stood up.
“I’ve been watching each and every one of you as you entered,” Cumberson said, causing uneasy looks between the girls. “Looking for flaws in posture, poor enunciation and most importantly, who has the potential to succeed in my class and become suitable material for a magical homemaker.”
Cumberson raised one of her short eyebrows and her voice was stern and reprimanding. “I didn’t see many…”—some of the girls swallowed nervously, including Mena—”but that’s why you’re here. You are the clay I will mold into the ideal standard for lady witches.”
Mena already knew this wasn’t going to be one of her favorite classes. In fact, it wasn’t much of an improvement from Gaia, despite Cumberson being supposedly more stable than the doomsteacher.
“But first,” Cumberson said, “A pre-test to see if you know the basics of Magic Ec. Knowing how to use a cauldron is something all domesticated witches should know. It should be second hand knowledge.”
The stubby teacher held her hand to her head. “Magic help me out, get these cauldrons to these sprouts.”
The white floral cauldrons all zoomed to each of the students, including Mena and May. “I want you to prepare a classic witches brew with the materials we have here. I will know who has the most potential from the strides you make here. Reach inside and pull out your 1st Edition Witch’s Home Brewery Kit.”
Everyone followed Cumberson’s orders and removed a plastic container, emblazoned with a grinning forty-year-old witch with red dimples, a baking pan, and an apron. Inside were tiny, black eyes of newt (perfect for spice lattes) skeletal fish bones, gopher guts, frog lips and an assortment of other witch related comestibles. A long, black spoon for stirring was also in the pot.
“You are to conjure up the broth and heat up the pot with your own imagicnation, but the contents of what you put inside are yours to decide.”
“Hmm,” Mena though as she scratched her head. “It’s been so long since I brewed anything with my Auntie. It completely escapes my mind what she’d use.”
As everyone worked hastily, attempting to impress the new teacher. The Tessellation twins, who had arrived late, loudly gabbed to each other.
“Bleh,” Marie said to her sister. “We don’t need Home Ec.”
“Sacre bleu, you are so right, Marie,” Laetitia chortled. “Zats what servants are for.”
Marie’s purple eyes darkened. “I wish Gaia was still here. Now that was a class with real class.”
Laetitia gave an exasperated sigh. “Why did zat incompetent clown fire him anyway?”
Mena turned around, giving both elves the evil eye. She couldn’t stand their hatred for Gemini. “Maybe it’s because Gaia was a madman who wanted to end the world.”
“Excuse me?” Mrs. Cumberson asked, her eyes widened. “Why exactly did the headmaster hire someone like that?”
Mena smiled innocently. “Well to be fair, he was possessed by a very powerful phantom.”
Cumberson’s nostrils flared like a dragon. “Gemini was managing this school while he was possessed by a phantom? How utterly irresponsible of him.”
Cumberson turned bright pink, pacing back and forth in a petulant tizzy. “Headmaster Bivion, even at his most senile, would have never allowed such a beast from the Nightmare Void to manipulate him in such a way.”
Cumberson came to a stop and leveled a pudgy finger at Mena. “Your name please?”
“Phenomena Willow,” Mena said, trying to be polite.
Mrs. Cumberson crossed her arms and puffed out her dimpled cheeks. “Miss Willow.., After class, I would like to have a word with you…concerning the out-bloody-rageous management of this school.”
A visible gulp traveled down Mena’s throat. She had started to regret opening her big mouth.
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