Friday, April 10, 2020

It was a lonely trip this time. Danny was sent home from school when his fever climbed alarmingly. I picked him up after I got to his school, called Chip and telling him I could not return back to work. Danny looked awful, pale, sitting next to me and trembling with fever. The school nurse looked quite worried but said to take him home and call his physician. I will need to let Cassy do that. She normally handles all that.

Cassy insisted I still go out and check on the property and try to enjoy myself. I do not know how someone can enjoy themselves when their mind is back home, away from their family. The three hours was empty, hollow as I drove away from my son. I felt like it was abandonment. I hope I never need to feel this way again. The one hundred and fifty miles is weighing heavy on my heart but I am here now and listening to the early spring coyotes singing in the cool night air.

All I know is when I close my eyes tonight for oblivion to take me, when it is supposed to be sweet rest, that dark haunting feeling will still be with me. I will again see Danny's pale face, staring miserably at me, pleading for his father to do something about his misery. And I can't.