Friday, May 15, 2020

My thoughts are scattered. I am ragged, tired, dirty, and still scared. I can't...I still can't believe we had to do that but it came down to my family or those two men. I can still hear the whispered conversation. It echoes in my sleep of the horrors they would bring to my family. They did not only pull in our driveway the past few nights. They KNEW the layout of the buildings. They had cased where we stood our watch and had guessed our rotation. My Cassy was their intended target. Her watch would be the one they would strike. I can't tell her but we will need to adjust how we are standing watch. We will need something but my thoughts are too unfocused right now.

We buried the bodies on the back of the property...deep. It took most of the day to bury them and I went straight to sleep. Little Nadley curled up to me. Somehow little ones seem to know when adults are hurting inside. She will be my ticket to keeping my humanity through this. I still...how did I end up doing this? Why is this happening to me? Am I ever going to wake up?