My thoughts have become a lot more faded now. The subtlety I used to have is now gone, I let people in on all my broken edges. I have become weaker and my suffering is not mine alone anymore.

My days with Paccon were short-lived but also the greatest days I knew in all my life. But soon my focus shifted towards my home and I saw Paccon less and less as days went by. We still wasted away more than half of our days but now I would leave for home. I wonder what Paccon had been thinking about me when I was gone. I wonder if he had been thinking at all. He had a good family and a lot of pets, he didn't have that much spare time even with me gone.

My mother became worse than ever before. She was insecure, untrusting, possessive to the point of suffocating and she hated us all. My father couldn't keep it in his pants anymore. Some people told me they'd seen him. That's not something I wanted to hear. I wanted to run away and Paccon was where I'd be headed. I was always comfortable with him. I really felt like I was being seen for once in my life. Paccon was seeing the me that I had never known how to express. I was happy and yet I knew this was all coming to an end.

I had been lying to Paccon. He didn't know the things he should have known. And I should have given him time.

"What if the world was ending someday?", Paccon asked very randomly.

"I think you'd still turn out to be fine", I conjectured.

"Well yeah", he was moderately confident about this as well, "But then I'll be drifting in space all alone. For a long time."

"That's true. Then maybe it's better to die", I said, "I know! I'll just run to your place and make sure we die together so we can meet up in the heavens together as well."

"That sounds nice", Paccon agreed.

We remained silent for some while afterwards.

"What if I don't get to heaven though?", it was a very random pondering.

"We'll get you in", Paccon said confidently, just the way he always said it.

"How?"

"With a catapult".

He could say that and I could take it. We were very lighthearted about death and heaven and hell. I don't know why people find death to be sad. I've never been able to become sad when someone died. It may just be me, but Paccon understood that.

I wonder if Yozo could have made it. If he had found someone that could see him as well, I wonder if he would have made it then. But he did make it, right? Well probably but why is it that his existence seems so lonely? I don't think Yozo made it. I can't find him anywhere. He was lost somewhere on the way. He still hasn't made an appearance yet. I've been calling out his name but there hasn't been an answer.