Relaxing my body, I sent myself adrift the spacious tub. The floral foam clinging loosely to my skin calmed my anxious mind. I was excited, today would be the first time I saw the outside world in six years. Normally, when Cyriel had errands to run she would pay someone to take care of us, but today was different; Adon was returning home after being gone for two years.

This was the longest he’d ever been gone from home, so Cyriel was taking us out to buy special accolades for him as welcome home gifts.

As I got more comfortable in the water. A vivid image surfaced from the deepest recess of my mind. ‘…Evelyn…’

My heart jolted in knots.

Since my rebirth, I have experienced hellish torment over and over. Pain that could not be described as simple discomforting somatic sensations—it was pain that was etched deep into my existence. Yet, the sense of longing I felt at this moment rivaled even that.

I missed her.

Her captivating smile.

Her bewitching fragrance.

Her calm hazel eyes that saw through all my problems.

Her deep-rooted obsession with figurines.

The crippling dependence she had for me.

That slender body only I had the pleasure of becoming one with.

‘How far away is she? How many years passed in Vaga since I died? Does she miss me? …Is she alive?’

I bit my lower lip.

I was nothing more than a selfish coward that took advantage of her at every turn. I never tried to fix my problems—never tried to mend our relationship. Even the reason I broke up with her was based on my wellbeing, not to mention I killed myself without considering how it would affect her damaged psyche.

‘…So how dare you? You pretend to care when in actuality, all you do is look out for your own selfish needs. Miss? Love? How laughable. You fed off her misery like the parasite you are. Truth is, it comforted you, didn’t it? Watching her spiral like that… That’s the real reason you kept her around as long as you did.’

Swallowing the metallic pool of blood and saliva that built up in my mouth, I exhaled deeply, expelling all the air in my lungs, and submerged my body in the warm water. The tub was filled halfway, but the water was still enough to cover my face if I lay flat on the tub’s smooth floor.

Something burned the corners of my eyes. It wasn’t soap. It was the tears welling up in my shut eyelids.

‘…Heathen. Lowlife. Delinquent. Loathsome. Worthless. Asshole. Repugnant. Selfish. Git… No matter what people called me, she stood by my side with the prettiest smile imaginable... A smile that could melt any man’s heart…yet, I…’

As the dark thoughts were about to engulf my mind. I emerged from the water, gasping for air. The thoughts subsided into my mind at an unnatural speed.

“…I…am…a bad guy.”

But one thing was certain.

“I loved Eve. I still do. That will never change…” I declared to myself, my voice barely above a whisper.

“…Maybe, I’m not ready to wash myself…,” I sighed, looking at the edge of the tub Cyriel sat and washed me. It was the first time these thoughts plagued me even in the tub, and it was also the first time I was bathing alone.

***

After I finished bathing, Cyriel outfitted me in thick winter wear same as she did with Alice. Then, she led us to the front door. Cyriel glanced at us, a shadow of worry swirling in her eyes.

I met her gaze and nodded in anticipation.

She glanced at Alice who was staring at the sliding door of the living room with a vacant expression and smiled. Cyriel then unlocked the door with a special key.

As the door slid open a familiar chill coiled around my bones. I shuddered violently at the bone-freezing wind that I only experienced when seeing Cyriel out, but after an instant, the cold was suppressed by Cyriel’s warm aura that slowly coated my body.

After a moment of hesitation, Cyriel grasped my right hand, “Always stay close to me, understood?”

“Yes.”

“Mm…”

Cyriel nodded her head gently. “Good.”

I squinted my eyes so the bright surroundings wouldn’t sear my retinas. The only word I could think of to describe the outside world was white. The thick white clouds—sparking with waves of pale-blue mana—which inhabited the sky precipitated a steady fall of snow that enveloped most of the earth. All the buildings in the surrounding area were a bluish-white color, honestly, it was an eyesore that split my brain into headaches…

Looking farther ahead, I could see a castle of sorts, it was so large—far larger than any of the surrounding buildings—that it seemed to pierce the thick clouds…no, it actually did. And even farther, far beyond my eyes could discern, I could feel something spewing out mana endlessly. The presence was a few miles away, yet it was so great that I couldn’t ignore it.

“Thank you for coming so fast, Heran”—Cyriel gently dipped her head to the azure-skinned man standing next to a carriage that was stationed a few meters from our house—“I hope I didn’t disturb any of your previously scheduled appointments.”

“You needn’t worry. I’m glad you summoned, Lady Oryil. It’s always a pleasure to be blessed by your noble presence.”

“Is that so? Then maybe it’s time you took advantage of my offer. I’d deeply appreciate your services.”

The man’s impeccable visage cracked for a moment as his face twitched slightly. “I’ll have to decline, as always, milady.” With graceful fluidity, he gestured for us to enter the needlessly ornate carriage. “Please, please, go ahead.”

A somewhat mischievous smile fissured across Cyriel’s face as she ‘hmmed’ past him. They probably did this every time she called the straight-backed man. Suddenly, she stopped. “Aren’t you going to greet my kids, Heran? That’s awfully rude.”

The man smiled. It was a warm tender smile without any pretense, he must have been waiting for her to utter those exact words. “Ah, how abhorrent of me. Please forgive my lack of manners.” Heran looked at us and bowed deeply. “Lord Taryl and Lady Alice, I am Heran Ada Isolde Clehr, an aide of the Oryil household. It's a pleasure to meet you both.”

For a moment I didn’t know how to react in this situation that was playing out like some bad ancient drama, so I merely nodded stiffly.

“Likewise, mister.” The porcelain doll beside me responded.

“Right. With that out of the way, shall we?”

As we made our way into the carriage, I couldn’t help but hold my breath as I peered at the beast pulling it. The silver furred creature wasn’t a horse, but a beast that was a reminiscent of a giant, long-snouted, earth mole. If the beast stood on its robust hind legs I’m sure it would reach three meters in height.

Fortunately, the beast didn’t seem feral, in fact, its beady red eyes had a kind gentleness to them—like those of a puppy. Still, I only breathed in relief when I sat on the luxurious leather seats of the carriage.

I turned to my sibling whose nose was bright red from the cold.

“That was scary, huh?”

A question mark seemed to materialize on top of her head. “…What was?”

“Huh? What do you mean ‘what’? The beast of course!”

“Oh, was it? I can’t say I share your cowardice, brother…” Alice gently stroked the furry lapel of her coat with her gloved hand. “Though, I do wonder how it would feel to caress its soft-looking pelt.”

“R-really? I guess...we really are different. But please don’t call me a coward…it hurts my feelings and my pride as your brother.”

Alice looked at me with an expression that implied the words, but aren’t you the one scared of a cute little animal? And Cyriel, who was watching the entire ordeal, burst into a peal of delighted laughter that could only be described as elegant.

For a split second, I allowed myself to enjoy this warm atmosphere, but a disgustingly acidic taste dried my tongue as I did.

I glanced at the cobblestoned road out the window in hopes of quelling my guilt.

The ride through the elven city, Aaer, went smoothly. And soon we were in the city square, gazing at the large building situated a few hundred meters behind the giant castle and the estates surrounding it. The building had a bustling wave of people rushing in and out, by the looks of it; this seemed to be an indoor shopping center—a mall.

“Remember my earlier words? Stay close. You could get lost in there.” Cyriel paused. “…Maybe, I should get you both temporary Runic Tracing Tattoos? Mm…better safe than sorry.”

After saying that she led us to a shady-looking store where an elderly Elven man painted the backs of our hands with some glowing fluid, at which Cyriel imbued her mana into.

We continued to explore the bustling, triple-story, shopping center. The interior of the building was huge with a myriad of different shops and beings occupying it. Though it couldn’t compare to the grandeur of the large shopping complexes built in my old world, the building was quite impressive.

However, something about the air seemed strange, about half of the people we passed were gloomy enough to be considered walking corpses.

A viscously dreadful aura seemed to cloud over them.

‘Smells like Hell… I guess everyone has their fair share of problems…even in a fantasy world. I don’t know why I’m surprised.’

Conversely, the other half—mostly Elves, was beaming. ‘Racial segregation? Now that I think of it…there’s some war going on, right?’

After some thought and concluding it was none of my business, I got used to the repulsive aura looming around this place.

“Yl. Have you decided?” Cyriel said, handing a bag of coins to pay for the wizard’s staff Alice picked for Adon—technically, she chose it for herself under the guise of it being a gift—to the red-headed receptionist of a weapon store.

“Oh…right, the gift…” I had a handle on Adon’s personality, so choosing the gift most suitable was easy enough. “What about a dagger?”—I pointed to the pitch-black blade on display behind me—“That one seems nice.”

The red-haired Elf smiled. “Quite the eye, young man. The Wraith’s Tooth is a magnificent piece. However… its market value is seven-hundred-and-fifty gold coins.” She paused and glanced at Cyriel when she noticed her expression didn’t falter. “Should I get someone to get it ready for you, ma’am?”

“Please do.”

‘Wonder how much a gold coin is worth? Can I live off that? Hmm…right. Now’s the time.’ I steeled myself as Cyriel completed the transaction. “Mother, I have a request.”

“Which is?” Cyriel replied warmly.

“I’d like some books. Preferably, history books…and books on magic and monsters.”

Off the corner of my eyes, I noticed Alice’s ears twitch. “M-me too! I want magic books!”

‘As expected…nice assist.’

“Magic…” she murmured softly. “Okay. I guess that’s fine. We’ll go to the library next, then. But”—a ripple of genuine confusion flashed through her face—“history and monster books? You never ask questions about the world like your sister... Do you perhaps have any problems talking to me?”

I shook my head emphatically to deny her worries. Then I looked down to avoid her gaze. “No…that’s not it…” My voice trembled. “I-I…want to be special like Alice.”

“…What are…?” Cyriel's voice was so soft that I could barely make out her words.

I sniffled softly and wiped my nose with a sleeve.

“…So I quietly wondered could there be tales of young Elves like me?”

Drip.

As if the world had turned silent my teardrop echoed throughout the shop.

“An old folklore…of an Elven hero who couldn’t use mana,” I met her gaze again and she trembled breathlessly at my sobbing face. “All I want is to make father proud…so he can look at me with the same eyes he looks at Alice with… E-even if I don’t Awaken…even if I’m not special.”

Cyriel hugged me tightly. “…Oh, Yl. Your father loves you dearly.” She gently patted my head. “Just as much as I do. After all, you’re very special. He just has a different way of showing it.”

“R-rea…lly? …But—”

“Hush. I’ll talk to him for you, okay? For now, you and Alice can have all the books you want.”

“Mhm-hmm, a-alright.”

Although I did feel guilty about manipulating her like this, I couldn’t have her probing my true intentions, and hopefully this way she wouldn’t have the heart to ask me why I need so many books. ‘Still…I feel sleazy as hell... Have I always been this self-conscious?’ I don’t think so. ‘Hmm. I wish this Cold Mind skill worked better… Well, whatever.’ At least I didn’t lose my humanity yet. ‘Ugh. Not now! Let’s focus on the task at hand.’

I smiled brightly at Cyriel. “Thanks, mother! I love you!” I grabbed Alice into my embrace, she purred softly. “You too, Al! A-and…father…”

Cyriel dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief. “I’m glad, you’re in a better mood.”

***

Riding back home, I couldn’t stop the smile tugging at the corner of my lips. Sixty-eight books of all difficulty in total. “Heh…” An amused noise parted my lips, but luckily I managed to reign it in.

Why was I so giddy?

A number of reasons, but the most important one was: I finally did something that wasn’t commanded by the Status Screen. Something of my own desire that benefited me. ‘It feels too good to have a semblance of control… Life as a marionette can be mentally incapacitating…’

“We’re here, Lady Oryil.” Heran opened the carriage doors and our super-igloo of a house was only a few feet away. “Shall I transport your items inside?”

“No need, Heran. You head back safely,” she pointed to the wagon behind us, four men were unloading all her groceries, “that’s why I hired those...men.”

The men belonged to a merchant. Cyriel gave a handful of silver coins to some plump guy in a shop called, Amad’s Everyday Basics, and he said she could use these guys as she saw fit for the next few hours. If I had to guess, they were non-Elven—there were three humans? And a guy dog ears on top of his head—war slaves. ‘A less bleak interpretation…? Hrm…hired hands that don’t get paid and are all from lesser races… Uh, a less racist rendition—?’

“Then…allow me to watch over them,” Heran said, frowning slightly.

“Ah? If that’s what you feel like doing…I don’t plan on stopping you.” She handed a key to Heran. “Tell them to place everything in storage. Needless to say, each necessity should be packed in its rightful compartment… Oh! Right. The books, however, belong in Yl’s room. I’ll have you personally bring them in.”

“Of course, milady. Leave it to me.” Heran said, prostrating himself.

Handing the task of overseer to Heran, Cyriel made way to the house, we obediently followed.

As soon as the door slid open, a familiar face smiled at us. “I’m home.”

Alice beamed, propelling herself, she jumped into Adon’s arms. “Welcome home, daddy!” an uncharacteristically childish voice rang out. “I missed you so much! Look” —she held up the stave in her hand—“a present! Just for you! But if you want it…”

She leaned in closer and whispered something into his ear.

“Hoh? Is that so?”

I smiled bitterly when Adon’s eyes shifted from Alice to me. ‘Did she snitch, already?’ Well, it didn’t really matter. Besides, what else could I expect from papa’s girl? “W-welco—”

“Welcome home, darling,” Cyriel said. “How was your trip?”

“It was fine... Ah? Is that Heran?” Adon cocked his head at the man carrying a large stack of books. “That’s great. I’d like to take the kids out, is that alright?”

Faced with the sudden question, Cyriel frowned. But after some time she nodded. “Okay. However, when you get home, we’ll need to have a serious talk.”

“…Um. Right... Understood.” He replied somewhat timidly, pecking Cyriel on the lips. “Now then, onward.”

‘Why is he so excited? Can’t I just hole up in my room with all my new books?’

Unfortunately, I didn’t have the guts to ask. And after his aura wrapped around my body, I meekly followed.