"No, I'm not going inside."

"What? But..."

"News flash, I don't care about your family. You are the only human I remotely like."

"I..."

Jane's mind clearly started to split. Two camps, listen to me or make her own decisions. I totally didn't care. She could follow me if she wanted, her choice, entirely her own. Why would I care if she came with me? What would use would she possibly give me?

WHY AM I ACTING LIKE THIS!

I walk away, ready to leave. Jane stood there in the doorway, watching me, her mind still deciding on my ultimatum. I walked five meters away before stopping. I don't know why I stopped. Why didn't I keep walking?

Just walk away. Just like I always do. Just...

I turn to face one of the walls on the street and lean against it.

I won't! I can't! I don't want to! I'm walking away!

I start to smash my fist against the wall. I repeatedly smash it, leaving a red stain on the stone. I broke all the bones in my hand, leaving it floppy on my wrist, but I continued to smash it. I barely registered the pain.

WHY! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!

I stop. I simply stopped. I let my hand fall to my side and slowly walk back to the door. Jane watches me, expectantly. Every step I take closer to the door makes her cheer up a bit; culminating in an innocent and teary smile.

"Not a word. Not. A. Word."

My face is flat. I have obviously lost to my own mind. Until I could find a half-decent brain surgeon or a competent psychologist I would have to deal with this brain malfunction myself.

Jane hands me a rag to wrap my hand. Amazingly, the blood had already stopped and the bones had started to realign themselves. It was excruciating, but not nearly as painful as the current situation I was in.

I remove the bloodied rag from my hand and look at it. It is nearly entirely healed already, only looking like a bruised finger.

The fuck is going on with me. First my brain, and now my body...

I hand the rag back to Jane who promptly throws it into a bucket in the corner. The room is quite a fair size, having multiple rooms and two floors. I looked at everything while standing just beyond the metal front door. All I could stutter out was descriptions of the space.

"Homely. Quaint. Nice. Relaxing. Familial. Snug. Comfy. Cozy. Welcoming."

Jane leads me through the entrance and to a kitchen. Again, the same descriptors from before ran through my head. My hand had now entirely healed, much faster than my knife stabbing from a bit ago. The new skin over it was smooth and supple; anything to get my mind off my current predicament.

Around the table were two people. Why did it have to be people? Why couldn't Jane's family be a pack of wolves? Or a den of bears? I'd even take a flock of geese. The two older people looked like her parents. The resemblance showed.

The father stood up first, and punched me in the face. I fell to the ground from the force. The first thought zooming through my mind at full speeds was to kill him, but in the deepest section of my brain, there was a small bit of me that spoke against the consensus.

Kill him...

DON'T fucking kill him.

Persuasive arguments.

I went with don't kill him.

Almighty Turtle, if you could send me a brain surgeon soon, I need an immediate lobotomy. Just cut it out of me.

"How could you make my daughter cry like that! You scum!"

The wife rushed over and helped me up.

"Honey, you shouldn't talk to him like that. Punching him; I understand your feelings, but is this really the way forward?"

Stand tall. Smile. Adjust clothing. Exude confidence.

"I understand how you feel sir, I was horrified to find out how she reacted to our miscommunication. I just went into town to get some new clothes, my old ones were quite torn up. I didn't properly tell her my plans, so she thought I had just left. I'll accept that punch. I'm sorry."

The mother stood by me and so did Jane. I wiped the small drop of blood from my lip. Now it was the father alone on the other side of the table.

"I...I guess I overreacted. I apologize. My actions were a bit...brash."

We all sat down and started to have a proper chat.

"My name is Carile, and this is my wife Fralil. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"It's nice to finally meet you as well. My name is Opnoble."

"Carann honey, isn't one of your friends named Opnoble?"

Jane looked down. Opnoble was one of the guys I killed; I guess it brought up some memories. I had to fill in for her since she remained silent.

"Actually, we share the same name. It was quite the spectacle watching us meet. Carann never really told anyone about our relationship, other than her friends. Oh! My condolences for their deaths if you were close with any of them."

"Thank you. But no, we didn't know them all that well. They were her fishing friends, and we respected her space. She brought in a dozen coins a day for their work, so I never minded them hanging out together."

"No matter if you knew them or not, it is always hard to hear about the deaths of people so young. I'm just happy that my little miracle made it back to us alive."

I looked at Jane and kissed her on the lips. It went very far to sell the lie. Jane was starry-eyed with my simple action. I just imagined her as a turtle. It made it much easier.

"I can see that you love our daughter a lot. It's reassuring that she found someone after all this time. 18 years old and not even married, I'm just glad it finally happened."

Really? A kiss is all you need to show you love someone? So shallow... And what the hell are they talking about with marriage! I am forever married to the turtle!

"I'm glad I found her as well. She is a shining star in the blackest backdrop of my life. My father and mother both died young, so I made sure to spend every moment living up to their expectations. She will be cared for."

"That's good to hear. Well if you want, you can stay for the night. You are always welcome here; consider us family."

"Thank you. I'll have to impose for a single night then."

I stood up with Jane and she lead me to her room. Her face was all smiles as she clung to me.

She needs to get a grip.

The door closed behind us, leaving us alone, together, in her room. It was small, but the bed was big enough.

"I'll sleep on the floor."

That knocked her out of her trance.

"But I thought you would...sleep with me..."

The whole night, my brain had been playing the nice guy. I couldn't let it win any longer. It needed to draw the line. Something was wrong with me and I needed to get it under control before I did something I would regret.

"Sleep with you? I don't think you heard me earlier when I said that I barely like you. I TOLERATE your presence. If you EVER thought I'd love you for real, then you are living in a fantasy world, an illusionary world. I lie. Simple fact. And I lie VERY well. Everything before, that was dressings to cover up my real plans. We are going to the badlands, and I need them complicit with that so I don't have this-world-equivalent police on my ass. Now go to sleep. We are leaving in the morning."

My words seemed to have once again broken her. She looked like she did when staring into the fire, eyes empty. Though this time, instead of thinking of filling her life with turtles, I felt...bad.

I'm just tired. It'll wear off in the morning. The line has been drawn, now stick to it Brain.

I laid down on the wooden floor, no blanket, no pillow, and fell asleep instantly.

---------

The morning was cold. Sweat coated my skin in a slick layer.

I need to invent some PJs.

My muscles ached a bit, but overall, I felt amazing. The world looked brighter and the air smelt fresher. What a difference sleep made. I stood up and looked at Jane's bed. She laid there curled in a ball, bags under her eyes, and a tear-soaked pillow.

Somethings wrong, I can feel it.

"Wake up."

Jane stood up mechanically from her bed. Her hollow eyes looked forward, without a single spark of hope in them.

Damn it! I still feel something... different.

I stood tall in front of her, softly lifting her chin so that she met my eyes. I looked deep into them, making sure she was really seeing me.

"I have this odd feeling towards you. Until I figure out what it is, you will be accompanying me. For better or for worse. Understand?"

She regained some lost color in her face; eyes reigniting. She stood up to me and embraced me in a hug.

"I do."

Wait...no, that felt like a marriage declaration of consent. Fuck me; my dumbass smart-sounding words.

"Great, then start packing, we leave for the badlands in an hour."

"Ok."

Jane walked around the room with a slight pep in her step while packing. The minuscule smile on her face was weird. She rapidly swung between states of being with no clear cause.

Maybe she is bipolar. I could really use that psychologist now, please.

She packed her only pair of clothes into a leather knapsack. They fit well enough, leaving room for her most prized possession: her wooden comb.

It was just a stupid cheap thing one with a couple broken teeth. It was stupid for a dozen minutes until I realized that the concept of a comb was probably revolutionary for this planet. It allowed her stuck hair to become unstuck. Such a high-level concept, I know.

I let her know just how stupid it was.

"Combs are nothing compared to a hairbrush, I'll make you one sometime."

Her eyes were filled with stars once again. For the second time, I had made a different human happy.

FUCK! I messed up again. I need to backtrack.

"Later. For now, let's just get going."

Jane hopped over to me with the knapsack on her back. She grabbed my arm and held onto it like a teddy bear. I was not amused. I just wanted to kill everything and wipe my hands of the situation. I wanted it so baaaaaaaaad!

We pattered down the stairs together and came face to face with her parents again. They stood similar to us, her mother wrapping herself around her father's arm.

"Well...We're off!"

The mother nearly broke down crying.

"My baby girl! All grown up and leaving home! I'm so proud of you!"

Before anyone else could make more pitiful comments, I whisked Jane away from her childhood home. She looked at me like I was a knight in shining armor, and I saw her as a robot; ready to be programmed however I saw fit.

The map indicated that we needed to head southwest, further from the equator. Good, I liked the cold. All this warm weather was getting to me. The road ahead was perilous...for someone without a map.

Even though the badlands were hardly inhabited, the roads to them were marked clearly. I tried as hard as I could to figure out the answer by asking a grand total of zero people. I have had enough human interaction in the last two days to last me months. The mystery of why the path was clear would wait until I cared.

I stole some food rations as we walked through the outer markets, placing them gently in Jane's pack. I couldn't stand squished bread; no bread at all is better than bread that has been mangled. No one noticed my illegal sustenance shenanigans, so we were able to slip away.

We came through the port the first time, but now we needed to leave through the gate. Three guards stood at the already open entrance. The male-female pair on the right were making out while the second man watched. Guess they need to entertain themselves somehow; you know, instead of doing their JOB.

We walked through the gate without a single question. It irked me somewhat. It was like a part of the social exchange was missing. I couldn't just let it go, I NEEDED the complete exchange. To achieve this, I tried sneaking into the city.

The guards didn't even notice! Mild annoyance turned to pure calmness. Death was on the horizon, and he was as inevitable as the sun rising. Mr. Sir Rocky the axe was now rotating in my steady hands. He was still my pretty little murder rock, serving me well; I reward those who serve me with even greater rewards.

He demanded brains, so I gave him brains. Three guards, three swings, three smashed heads. No more than five seconds for the entire fight, they weren't even wearing helmets. Some people saw me streaking by, running at full speed back to Jane.

They will be telling tales of my exploits today, the tale of the speedy man with an axe in his hand; who ran away with a smiling woman and a turtle on his head.

Gotta keep it interesting.