《Everyone Dies Alone but not necessarily in space》#14
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Stepping out onto the roof of Australian headquarters, Ikaroa sighed. Sure enough, there he was, sitting on the crest of the sloped part of the roof. Dangerous after curfew.
"It's not safe to be out here," she said. "A Sentinel might see you."
"Their patrols follow population density. There'd be danger in a city, but it's relatively trivial to construct a stochastic model of when they're likely to show up all the way out here."
Ikaroa sat down next to him. "Nerd," she mock-chided.
"It's an unusually clear night. Sometimes, I think I can almost see a star or two. Looking for them helps me meditate."
Ikaroa looked up at the smog-blackened sky, eyes wide, but nothing glinted back at her.
"I was thinking," Kaito said after a while.
"I've warned you about that," interjected Ikaroa, with a smile.
Kaito went on. "Somewhere in the world, Ethiopia probably, someone once looked up to the sky, and became the first to ask, 'what are the stars?'"
He looked down at his knees; they twitched instinctively, but he relaxed his posture quickly.
"Do you think they deserved the answer we got?"
Ikaroa glanced over at him, a little wary. He didn't usually take this Socratic approach with her.
He's in a bad way, maybe he really wants help getting to an answer...
"I don't think deserving has much to do with it," she said, looking at him carefully.
"No," he said, looking out to the horizon. "I don't suppose you would."
Oh. Crap...
He slid down to the flat part of the roof, looked back at her, then very swiftly ran toward the door.
Fuuuuck... Ikaroa slid down and hurried after him. She was in better shape, maybe she could... But no. He got through and locked the door behind him.
"I can't predict the Sentinels with absolute precision," he said through the door, distantly and coldly, "But there should be one here in the next five to twenty minutes."
She tried to break the glass with her elbow but it wouldn't budge.
"Do you really think I wouldn't put surveillance on my senior team after all this?" he said again. He wasn't looking her in the eye, but he couldn't keep the betrayal from his face. "It was supposed to be for your protection."
Ikaroa glanced around at the sky out of instinct, but of course she couldn't see or hear a Sentinel approaching. Instinct took over.
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"I had no choice!" she raged. "My daughter! I…"
"So you traded my brother for your daughter?" His voice got a little higher; Ikaroa couldn't tell if it was curiosity, or a little distress leaking through.
Oh fuck fuck fuck…
"Quid pro quo?" He went on. "After it happened, I always thought you were like a mother to us, or the nearest thing. I guess I was wrong."
"It's not like that!" she protested furiously. "They don't know any more about it than we do! He was asking me if we knew what happened."
"Do you think I'm likely to look more kindly on betraying the Movement than betraying my family?" But he was looking at her now, relief showing on his face.
"The Movement!" she scoffed. "They know all about the Movement. It makes no difference whether I cooperate with them or not. They only let us go on because they find it entertaining."
Kaito's eyes widened, but he spoke levelly and calmly. "Their mistake."
He looked away again, staring ponderously at the floor for much too long. In the end, he winced, and opened the door. Ikaroa rushed inside, and Kaito took several steps back.
"I hope you understand it was necessary for me to apply that pressure in the circumstances," he said. "And you've put me in a very difficult position. There is only one way I can see to salvage this situation, and it is only because your potential utility as a double agent outweighs what could be gained by making an example of you. But I need to know that you're on our side. Presumably your daughter would also be forfeit if you lost my trust, and your position with the Movement?"
The bottom fell out of Ikaroa's stomach as she realised the implications of that. She couldn't meet his eyes now, but she nodded.
"Then you have a very difficult tightrope to walk from now on," he said. "Tell me everything."
And she did. About Rāhera and the Ascenter farm, about the bargain she'd made with the Master, and more: her role in the failure of the STC bombing, and the incident with the missionaries in Mumbai and Doha. He kept a level tone while questioning her, querying particularly, she noted, in areas he might hope to corroborate.
Finally he asked, "Do they know about our plan to contact Laila?"
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Ikaroa shook her head. "He didn't ask."
Kaito nodded. As though he was changing the subject, he mentioned, "I was offered Ascent, you know."
Kaito had never approached this subject; he was often very private about his past. Ikaroa had wondered about that, given his talents, but that this was the solution to the puzzle was nothing short of astonishing.
"You turned it down?"
He nodded slightly.
"Why? How?"
"'Leave not to posterity any cause for shame.'" He wasn't smiling. "Ascending felt too much like a betrayal of my family's legacy, and more than that of humanity. If I have to die at the hands of the Meitagenans, I would rather die sincerely as the man I am, whether that's tomorrow or in hundreds of years.
"And as for how… I didn't try to avoid the qualification tests, since they are never a foregone conclusion, but when I got the results I went underground. They lost track of me, or so I thought. I suppose, if what you say is true, I have no idea now why they let me get away with it."
"It is true," confirmed Ikaroa quietly, eager to change the subject, as she was still struggling to comprehend this sentiment. "They're not omniscient; they don't know everyone we've converted or everything we've done or are planning. But they find out enough to be satisfied we're not a genuine threat. Our only secrets are those they find uninteresting."
"Then their hubris, at least, remains a weakness," he murmured to himself, losing himself in thought for a moment. When Ikaroa started to speak again, he raised a hand.
"I'm sorry," he said, eventually. "I needed to think about that for a while. I must ask: do you personally believe in the Movement any longer? I have you in my power now regardless, so I hope you will see there is little benefit to dishonesty."
"I don't want to lie to you," said Ikaroa, truthfully. "If they weren't keeping Rāhera away from me, I would never have done what I did."
Kaito didn't acknowledge this remark, so she went on to answer his question.
"When I saw the Master today, he said Ascent was the best a human could hope for. I'm sorry, but I can't disagree. I don't know if I could ever understand what you did. I would choose it even if I had nothing to escape on Earth."
She sighed, and went on, "I believe in the Movement's goals, and I believe you are the most righteous person I've ever met. When you die for the cause, it will be an honourable death. But I'd rather humanity survived; I'd rather I survived. And Ascending is the only way."
Kaito nodded. "I can understand that point of view, I think. But I really do still have hope, you know. Maybe all I will do with my life is keep the torch alight for future generations, but the Meitagenans will one day fall. There is a future beyond their power and there are ideas beyond their capacity to comprehend. Ascenters are creatures of the Network and therefore cannot think beyond Meitagenan civilisation. That's why they tend to lose interest in fighting back."
Ikaroa looked at him curiously with this remark. "If that's what you believe, why are you looking for Laila?"
"I'm not looking for her, per se," he explained. "I'm looking for Naomi Deus. Laila may be an Ascenter but I believe she does love her, and may help her by helping us."
"Laila won't even let a human find her," Ikaroa retorted.
"Perhaps not," agreed Kaito. "But I believe I have the beginnings of a better plan. Join me on the roof again? The Sentinel will have passed over by now."
Wary in spite of trusting him, Ikaroa nonetheless nodded in agreement. They climbed back to the spot where Kaito had been meditating earlier.
"Try to look for a star," he suggested. Ikaroa complied, turning her attention to the scorched sky, but found nothing to see. Kaito must be deluding himself.
"I propose you go on cooperating with the Master," Kaito said. "And furthermore you should Ascend, but you should not forget us, and you should look for Laila and secure her help. There must be a way to keep a spark of hope alive in an Ascenter body. I will consider it, and–" he chuckled "–I will ask R&D to do the same. I am not certain whether the answer to that will be found in science or philosophy."
"It's hard to keep alive what–" Ikaroa choked, "–what died a long time ago."
"Then we will sit here and meditate," commanded Kaito, "Until you see a star."
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