Town. I don’t feel like describing it so just taste the descriptive flavor of that word, town. Boom you got it. “Hey before we head to the Inn why don’t we visit the adventurer’s guild?” Kel, surprisingly, stopped us while licking the mayonnaise from her lips. (not a euphemism) I put my hand on my sword and pulled it splendidly from my pants (NOT A EUPHEMISM) - I’d been keeping it slid into one of my belt loops as I have no scabbard – and pointed it at the sky.

“Fuck yes! Today is the day our adventure begins!” My excitement might stem from our complete lack of funds and the fact that we just ate the last of our sandwiches but looks are important.

“You don’t even know where it is, do you?”

Fuck you Grey I’m allowed to look cool.

“Fuck you Grey I’m allowed to look cool. So where is it then?” I pout very noticeably, sarcastically even. In fact, only someone with as little self-awareness as a child willingly traveling with a pedophile could miss my obvious air of sarcasm.

“Aw, are you sad newbie?” Exhibit A: at your service.

“You’re right in front of it.” Grey grinned, blatantly ignoring Kel. I whisked into a military-grade about face and saw a surprisingly ordinary building with a small sign hanging out front. It was very fantasy-esque with a shield-shaped board hanging from two small chains, a sword and crown emblazoned on the front. It even had indecipherable characters above and below the logo. I might have squealed. “Keep it in your pants newbie we aren’t even inside.” Sparing a moment to huff at my pretentious oppressor I pushed open the door. A cool breeze filtered past the oddly heavy door carrying indistinct chatter and no small amount of dust. I squinted slightly to keep dust out of my eyes as I entered the room. Sparing a glower at the sprightly janitor merrily sweeping dust into my eyes, I noticed there were two distinct sections to the first floor: one a cafeteria/ bar area where it seemed adventurers gathered in-between jobs, and the other a more official looking space with one wall taken up by slips of paper that must have been requests and the other containing a recessed desk with a friendly-looking woman standing behind it. It looked kind of like a bank teller’s desk or maybe that booth where you get movie tickets.

“Hello how can I help you today?”

“Uh.” Remember kids, eloquence.

“Ah it must be your first time here, allow me to familiarize you with our services. Over at the bar you can order refreshments or food. They also handle any local announcements and keep a running list of all combat capables in town or the establishment. Here, I can help you register, accept a request for aid, give rewards for completed quests, and handle any deposits or withdraws from the bank. I also handle communications between guilds, rank-up tests, and requests for an audience with the head in central. What interests you?”

Wow, incredibly useful information with no prompting. I feel like I just walked up to a plot NPC and hit A, and despite my pet name I knew exactly what one had to do in this situation. I hit A.

“Uh.” Before my subtle and nuanced plan could bear fruit my companion pulled the dick out of his mouth long enough to interrupt. Or seeing as he likes his dicks the size of carrots I suppose he talked around it.**

**[Editor’s note] Tone it down Satan, he ate your sandwiches not your Mom.

“He’s here to register as a Newly Awakened adventurer.”

“Wonderful! Now I’m obligated to ask, have you considered other lines of work and weighed the risks of working as an adventurer?”

“Uh. Frankly no? What other jobs are there?”

“For that kind of question you’d be better served going to the town lord’s manor where some of his men could describe what kinds of job you might find in the area, but I think I can help you out here. Judging from your attire you are another foreigner correct?”

“Foreigner?”

“It’s what the others like you have been calling themselves. Isn’t that right Mr. Grey? Finally going to register this time?”

“Yep, I found this guy next to a monster that is way beyond me so I realized it wouldn’t be too bad to have some help. I also have something to report along those lines but it can wait until we’re done.”

I personally lack the confidence to say that T-Aang, the last airbender is a problem that anyone could wait on but hey, what could I possibly know about the lizard-men’s Avatar?*

*[EN] You know that when the world needs him most he’ll vanish. *cough* {FORESHADOWING} *cough*

“As you say, and we will be happy to have you. So back to business, others like yourself tend to only be interested in a few positions. The reasons, they say, are because those are the ones you don’t find normally, though I’d be surprised to see a country that functions without them. So the jobs you’ll likely be most interested in are mercenary, blacksmith, jeweler, magician, and technician. I assume you are familiar with one or two of these but I’ll go through them all quickly.

A mercenary is a job that entails taking on requests at your discretion from those available at your location. A mercenary would also be required to assist in emergencies should any arise.”

A blacksmith is the job that creates all the tools we use. While most of the tools would be made of metal, you would also have to train in the creation of leather and a bit of enchantment.”

The jeweler is the one who creates all the magic items for the town that aren’t weapons or armor, they usually operate independently but in emergencies work with the town lord.”

Magician is a job that focuses on the study and use of magic. For this one you would need either formal training in the academy or an apprenticeship under a recognized magician. Typically magicians either attach themselves to a town to assist in whatever way they are needed in exchange for lodging and a salary, or become adventurers.

Finally, the technician is a job that focuses on the creation and maintenance of magical machinery. You’ll find most of these in the city but some come by to do repairs or maintenance on the town’s defenses or again, become adventurers to test out their machines.

Any questions?”

“How did you bullet-point your words? I just...how did I hear bullet points??”

“Don’t think about it.” The receptionist said with a charming smile.

“Will you go out with me?”

“Not a chance.”

I fell to the floor on my hands and knees, having both my reality and hopes shattered in the span of a few seconds. I raised my glistening eyes back to the receptionist. “Can I be signed up as an adventurer but do a different job?”

“Absolutely, just be aware that you will be called to help in local or national emergencies.”

Sounds reasonable enough, really there’s no reason not to at least register. I dragged a sleeve across my eyes and stood up. “Let’s do it then!”

“Happy to have you! Fill out these forms and I will explain what happens next.” The friendly guild lady handed both of us registration forms then looked at Kel. “Ah, miss Kel. It’s been a while. Did you finish your quest in the forest?”

“Three days, I think. And yep. I have the mandragora and fire crystals right here.” Kel stuffed her arms into her sack and pulled out some plants and rather plain-looking stones.

“Everything’s in order, here is your reward of 100 bits” The lady said after examining the stones under a small glass. She handed Kel five small circles of metal who in turn, impetuously chucked them into her sack. I suppose there’s no need to hide your money if it’s impossible to find it in there. I’m a little curious about the quest but there’s no reason to pry just yet; I have to finish this form and become an adventurer. I gave the sheet a quick once-over to see what an adventurer guild asked its candidates.

Hmm? There are a few questions here that I wouldn’t consider… necessary. It starts normally enough with name, gender, race, age, job (if any), etc. but then it starts asking things like sexual preference, preferred way to die, allegiance to the crown, fetishes and even number of times I’ve seen a dragon? I glance up at the lady.

“Ah sorry that’s what we call the survey section. Some other foreigners recommended some of the questions while others are for surveys or censuses for magicians and officials and what-not in the city. It would help if you answer what you can.” Alright, well that seems harmless enough. Still though, sexual preference…if that guy next to me has the same form… I wonder what he put? Shifting my gaze to his sheet I activated my forbidden skill > and looked at his paper. --Sexual Preference Twelve year olds-- HOLY SHIT HE DID IT. In that split second I found a new sense of admiration for him, such blatant honesty. With a small sigh I wonder if there are any other knights like this one and distractedly finish the rest of the questions.

Have I seen a dragon? No.

Do I own a sword? I own...two.

How would I like to die? I wouldn’t.

Do you miss ramen as much as I do? Why the fuck is this on here?

Have you at any point had contact with an agent of Karnaid Gurom? No?

Did you lie? No..?

Do you feel you are being watched? Only by cashiers, they always check me out heh heh good one, me.

Solve for u: ln((ln(u/n)/ln(rd))) = 0

What is your favorite color? Violet

Are you sure you didn’t lie? Yes? Feeling oddly conspicuous I hand the lady my form.

“Alright while I get this sorted could you head through that door right over there?” She gestured to a rich wooden door to the side of the counter. I head through. Behind the door I find a plain hallway with a few doors to the sides and stairs leading up at the end.

“It’s the last door on the right!” My receptionist called from the front. The room she mentioned was a plain, empty room with only a desk, a chair and a small stand with a ruby eye fitted at the top. When I collapsed into the chair a sharp movement in front of me elicited a flinch. It’s just my cat-like reflexes acting up again; I’m not afraid of anything. The ruby eye had spun and focused on me, briefly flashing before returning its gaze to the horizon.