I froze. Cat continued walking, seemingly oblivious to my concern. “What would you do at this point if I was?” I fixed him in my gaze and pulled out Sir Spike, opening my other hand to prepare a fireball. It should surprise him at least, and give me some time to get away. Suddenly, Cat once again vanished from in front of me, his voice echoing off the walls from behind. “I told you that this dagger wouldn’t do you any good.” I whirled around to face him, catching sight of him lounging against the wall, twirling Sir Spike in his hand.

“Fuck off mate.”

“wHat THe fUCk?” Cat leaped halfway up the wall, clinging to it like a startled koala. “Did your knife just talk?”

“Probably not!” I yelled, charging forward to recover Sir Spike. I kept my eyes on Cat as I ran, I couldn’t afford to lose him again. Right when I saw his eyes flick off of Sir Spike to me, I used traveler to get to Spike and snapped my head up to look at Cat, except again, the wall was empty. A cold sliver settled against my neck as Cat’s own knife nestled against my adam’s apple.

“Ooo you’re fast. Not very familiar with fightin—“ Cat’s words were cut off as I released all of my mana into a fireball. It wasn’t very big, and I didn’t really expect Cat to get hurt, but it was very dark in the hallway, and fire is so very bright. “AH FUCK.” At Cat’s cry I snapped my own eyes opened and sprinted down the hallway away from the net room. Hopefully Cat won’t have too many friends. “Hold up Little Bird I was just messing with ya~.” Cat said, somehow materializing in front of me again. “I’m not a slave dealer I just wanted to see what ya’d do. It was a nice trick with the fireball though, 3 stars~!”

“3? Out of what?”

“Anyway this really is the Assassin’s guild so you can stop looking so wary. I don’t know how many taverns you actually tried before finding us and I agree that it’s a bit of a freak coincidence I was even there today but look at it this way, getting forcibly drafted into the Assassin’s Guild can’t be considered good luck so this is an outcome I can absolutely believe.” I continued glaring at him, the slippery little fucker.

“But didn’t I want to join the Guild?”

“Maybe, maybe not. Either way, you have no choice now, and from what I know about how luck works that counts as bad luck so settle down and come on.”

“How luck works??” I gaped at him a little. There are rule to how the stats work? And he knows them?

“I’ll explain everything later. First just follow me. You have the cosmic fortune to have run into a scout so your drafting will be quick and easy. Chop chop, Little Bird.” I stared at him a second longer before jogging to catch up. After all, if that scuffle told me nothing else, I really didn’t have a choice in what was about to happen.

CHAPTER SIX

Cat hummed a little as he bounced along the corridor, before long we came to a heavy wodden door crossed with bands of iron. “Password?” An exasperated voice droned from behind the door.

“Your mother’s a prostitute~!” Cat happily chimed.

“That’s not even close, Cat. You piece of shit.” The voice seemed to sigh. I felt a little bad for him. “Fuck it, come in. Who’s the new guy?” The voice asked as the sound of heavy bolts shifting reverberated through the door.

“Eh?” I let out a small voice. “How did he know I was here? There’s not even a little viewing window?” Cat turned to me with a puzzled expression.

“Why would there be a window? You could just stab the guard through it and open the door yourself.” Cat shook his head condescendingly. “So much to learn.”

“Eh? But then how—“

“Come along Little Bird~ Hello Unnamed Door Man, this is Little Bird.”

“My name’s Oak, you twat.”

“Isn’t Unnamed Door Man such a delightful conversationalist~?” Cat bounced along off into the depths of the guild. Oak, an absolute hulk of a man covered in leather armor and more beard than a fake beard factory, glowered after him then raised an eyebrow at me.

“Best hurry Little One, that oaf’ll be gone before you know it.” I nodded quickly to him then sprinted in the direction of the cheerful humming. I tried to glance around while chasing after Cat but the guild was incredibly dark. Either as some kind of defensive thing or the assassins just didn’t own any torches. Hard to say. Soon enough I found Cat leaning against a large, stone door, for all the world looking like he’d been there all day.

“Ah there you are, Feathers! Come in, come in. The boss is waiting.” I started at bit at that announcement, unconsciously straightening my back. The boss is definitely either the most terrifying man I’ve ever seen, a super-hot chick, or a kid. I’ve read more than enough manga to know that those are the only three options. With that in mind I steeled myself as the massive stone door slid somehow completely silently open. Warm light flooded past me into the dark guild as I got my first view of the Boss’s office. It was a surprisingly homey looking office, full of papers and small chests with one large desk against the wall across from the door and several potted plants dotting the room. And there, standing next to one of the bookshelves arranged against the wall, was Mariche.

“MARICHE???” Almost lazily, Mariche looked up from her book and swept her eyes over me. She was wearing a high pair of leather trousers and a loose-fitting white blouse, but the same sharp eyes took in my figure and eventually locked with mine. Also, I suppose she fit the super-hot chick category so that means I was right.

“Ah the new recruit, Cat?” Mariche directed her question to Cat but kept her eyes on me.

“Sure is Ma’am~ Can we go in to see the Boss?” Cat gestured past Mariche to a small alcove behind her desk.

“Of course. He’s waiting.” Mariche gently gestured towards the same alcove, from which a quiet whoosh could be heard along with the fluttering of a few papers on the desk.

“Wait, Cat, isn’t she..?” Cat shushed me and placed his hand on the small of my back, scooting me into the hidden room behind the desk.

“Shush for now. Boss first, questions later.” In less than a blink I was standing in a quiet room, bigger than the previous one but absolutely cluttered with junk. Directly in front of us was a small recess covered in an unruly pile of coins. Hanging above the coins was a black banner with an inverted trident falling from a silver star sewn on. To the right was a flat wall covered in pieces of paper ranging from maps and wanted posters to what looked like letters and torn out pages of books. To the left was mostly obscured by hanging black curtains but behind us and to the left, slightly recessed into the wall, was a massive wooden desk so covered in paper that it looked like a some creature had tried to make a bed out of important documents on top of it. And there, behind the desk, was the boss of the Assassin’s Guild.

“Ah! The bartender!” The bartender…no.. the boss of the Assassin’s glanced up from his papers and smiled at me.

“It’s Luan, kid. But you can just call me Boss.” He leaned back in his chair, the small smile still dancing about his lips and took off the copper reading glasses he’d had perched on his nose. His chair creaked with the shift in weight as he regarded me. “Glad to see you made it. Cat, how is he?”

“Passes with flying colors sir~” At this Luan raised an eye brow and glanced between Cat and I.

“Oh? Been a while since we’ve had more than one recruit get that evaluation. Why this one?”

“He has enigma sir~” Luan tilted his head slightly but didn’t seem particularly surprised nor excited.

“So?” The complete opposite of Luan, Cat seemed to be nearly exploding with excitement. You could almost hear him purring.

“He’s weak as hell but it’s already levelled up~!!” At this both of Luan’s eyebrows rose and he expelled an impressed burst of air.

“Hohh so he unlocked it on his own? It seems he does have potential. Alright Kid, welcome to the guild.” Luan stood up and held out his hand. I took it and gave him my best business shake.

“Is that it? Boss?” I glanced back and forth between the Boss and Cat. He chuckled with a deep, bass mirth while Cat gave a merry chortle of his own.

“Not quite, kid, but all the paperwork will be handled by Mari and I so the last thing you have to do is offer a coin to the altar over there.”

“Wait, two questions…I mean if that’s alright.” Luan waved so I continued. “Mari?”

“Our head of relations. You met her on the way in. Actually from what I heard you met her sister in the army too.” Well that’s a bit surprising. Not the twin cliché but doesn’t that mean that, as long as they don’t hate each other, the army and guild have connections??

“Uhhh…”

“Don’t worry too much about it, you’ll get filled in as we go~” Cat thumbed his nose at me with a small grin.

“Alright that makes sense. Ah and also I don’t have any coins. All I have is my dagger and some books.” Luan smiled a sad smile filled with pity.

“What books do you have? I’ll buy them off you for a coin.” Luan settled back into his chair as I opened my bag.

“Uhh let’s see, …How to soulbind a mostly Fresh Corpse…”

“Phew totally useless.” Cat waved his hand in front of his face as if to banish the idea of even owning that book.

“Fuck off, I’m poor. Eh and the last one’s how to be naked and alone by mr. goatfucker.” With a loud screech Luan leaned forcefully forward, the massive desk sliding a good few inches towards me across the stone floor. I leaped a good three inches in the air and attempted to swallow the rapidly beating heart that had lodged itself firmly in my throat. Even Cat Had hopped back a bit with a surprised look.

“What part is that book??” I blinked a few times at the sharp look in Luan’s eyes before stuttering out a response.

“P…part one, Boss…” The sharp glint in Luan’s eyes turned into a greedy gleam and he leapt out of his chair, his hands slapping onto the table.

“I’ll give you three gold for that book.”

“A…alright.” Wait according to that tailor from phurst town isn’t three gold enough to buy a house?? With a huge grin and a practiced motion Luan flicked three gold coins to me and slid the book from my hands. Then, with an abrupt about face, Luan flicked a few random objects on the shelf behind him. The shelf slid away revealing a small safe containing a few chests and tightly wrapped bundles of what I assumed to be precious materials, along with a small row of books. Into this row of books, at the very front, Luan placed the part one he’d just bought off me. “Uhhh, Boss? I read it and I don’t think it’s THAT valuable.”

“Oh you’d be surprised kid. Not only was there only one of each part ever made, and not only is the author quite amusing, a while back someone got him drunk before he died and he told them this: ‘those books aren’t just a memoir you know? Sure I included info on every monstrous being I met and dungeon I cleared, but I also put in a treasure map to all the shit I got outta those hell holes since I can’t just go around carrying it with me all the time.’ Or something like that. It’s true too. We found clues in the other parts on how to find his treasure but never knew where to start. So these books will be very valuable once we gather them all.”

“That’s…surprisingly honest of you.” I mean shit, you just told me it was an invaluable treasure map.

He shrugged, “Why would I lie?” INVALUABLE TRASURE MAP. Eh Nothing I can do about it for now. Thinking this I turned toward the altar with the inverted trident banner and set one of the gold coins on it. Instantly, words floated in front of me.

---->----

---->----

---->----

---->----

-Critical Failure

-Silent Step

-Assassin’s Blade

-Emergency Escape

-Charm

-Poison

-Expert Aim

-Surefooted

-Calamity

“Ah yeah kid. That offering is proof of the contract between you and the guild. You now can no longer go against the guild of your own free will. It sounds nasty but it’s just an insurance that all of the dark guilds have and it won’t really affect you. Anyway you’ve probably been given a choice of skills right?” I nodded. “Yeah, you get one as a reward for joining the guild. They’re all passive skills that increase something like evasion or accuracy. You should think about how you fight when you pick one. Cat picked silent step, for instance, which makes Cat harder to keep track of. When Cat’s not talking, at least.”

“Booossssss that’s rude~”

“Hahaha tell that to Oak. Anyway kid, enigma will already make you hard to find when you level it up enough so I’d pick something that’ll help your damage or survivability.” That makes sense. I mean what’s the point in being silent if I have an ability that makes me silent I guess. So calamity sounds hella bad-ass.

“Yo boss, what does Calamity do? And critical failure?”

“Oh? You can see calamity? Not bad.”

“Huh?” Why wouldn’t I?

Cat grumbled in answer, “the skills you see are based on the level of your offering, if you had offered a copper then you would probably only see three or four skills. A tidbit he delights in keeping from first-timers.” Luan chuckled a bit at Cat’s displeasure.

“Me telling you wouldn’t change anything. If you gave a platinum expecting a better reward, then the actual value of your offering is less than you giving a silver.” Luan smiled to himself while Cat stuck out his tongue.

“Ah and Calamity increases the odds of a critical hit somewhat substantially. For you I’d recommend the Strength of Mana skill or maybe Mana Regen since it seems you have a lack of mana.” I cried a little on the inside since I saw there weren’t any mana-related skills in the list I had.

“Oh and critical failure increases the odds of something going wrong with an action for both you and everyone else you’re fighting with and against. In fact the only person who ever picked it died after five of his crossbows misfired. Don’t pick that one.” Jesus fucking shit why is that even on the list.

“Anyway if you want to know more you can just tap the > that should be somewhere above your choices.”

I decided to take the boss up on his advice and flicked a hand towards the > line. Right before my hand touched it a new skill popped up at the bottom of the list: God of Mana. Naturally, this made the list scroll up one line.

---->----

“GODFUCKINGSHITASSMOTHERFUCKER” I screamed while panicking. “WHERE’S THE BACK BUTTON IT SAID MANA GOD PLEASE SHIT.” Realizing what happened both Luan and Cat were staring in stunned silence before bursting into laughter.

“Ahahahaha~ I knew your luck was bad but this is something else Little Bird~!” Cat gasped out while rolling on the ground. “Ohh this is gonna be so much fun~” I curled up on the ground and rocked back and forth. ‘Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry’