《The Lazy Edgy Protagonist Is Lazy and Edgy Today As Well》4-Doughnuts Arc②
Advertisement
Gavr shivered in my eye. If you could see her, that is, she's shaking, but technically she's an ice blue eye but in my mind she's boobs. I mean, she's an angel. No, she's boobs. Why would I bother correcting myself there?
"Sugar! No, you mustn't! According to my analysis, these are 'doughnuts'! Entirely sugar, with sugar topping, with more sugar toppings! It can lead to tooth decay-" Gavr prattled on, waving her wings about scattering feathers around. I know what I must do, I mean, what I want Buer to do for me.
"Quiet. Gavr!" Buer interjected with a roar as always. "Our lord and master on high, the great and prestigious and most lazy and despicable being in existence, Laom! -has already chosen the course of action, even invoking one of the six hundred and sixty-six forbidden techniques. Do you honestly think you can stop him now?"
Buer danced me forward like a puppet. I have little concern for the look on the china girl's cheongsam- oh wait I'm just looking at her boobs again. My eyes traveled down to the slit near the thighs as Buer conveniently leaned me over the counter to peek. It must have been terrifying for her, poor girl. A strange man like me, clad in a long black leather short-sleeved trenchcoat with specks of blood scattered here and there, wild hair going every direction and any direction, a bandaged arm on my face with one eye(my red one, it's red of course, like blood, see?) and a limp body floating slightly over her counter and into her face to satiate my momentary lust and curiosity.
"Um, can I help you?" A nervous voice came from above my sight line from the girl. Within my view, I could see them near her thigh slit, the smell tickling my nose. Yes, the "doughnuts". This is what I'm here for.
Advertisement
It was at this point that I was at a loss of what to do. Gavr?
"It's a shop, Laom. You don't remember? Buer, order the items and give the girl some money," Gavr said. Her tone submissive.
That's right. This was one of my forbidden actions in this world. I would not think of anything ever again unless it suited my desires! Just because I knew what a shop was but that didn't mean a had any intention of handling this myself! That was true in my past life as well! Do you really think I've never walked into a shop as Prince of Troi? Well, actually, I didn't, come to think of it wasn't my life sheltered? Anyways, it's not like Buer knew what a shop was from his time in hell or his time here. As all I've done before is-
"Gavr, what are you talking about?" Buer raised his goat legs as if they were shrugging and sighed. "We'll just kill her like usua-" He stopped because he sensed my intention. No. Not here. This is my first time, personally, in a shop, of my own volition, in all the years of my life. I would not decry that meagre effort on my part. Nor would I deny the now shaking chinese girl in front of me a smooth business transaction!
She's pretty after all. Her dull brown eyes were wide open in shock darting from side to side. Why? Gavr!
"She noticed the female jiangshi you rode in on..."
Damn it all! Quick, Buer! Distract her with money!
"What all this about money, Gavr?" Buer questioned me. Sounded like he really wanted to know. Good thing Gavr gave him a full explanation in detail as I hung there over the counter after casting a 'spell of holding there' on the china girl who made to run. Good. I was worried about her being too afraid to take my payment. Moreover, isn't it your job? Everyone can't be lazy like me.
Advertisement
"... I see. To think humans don't even barter with souls and flesh and instead use pieces of cloth. How barbaric. Very well! So the money's in this receptacle here, huh?"
The cash register was wrenched open with gravity magic. A pile of bills floated and handed to the china girl frozen sweating, and my mouth moved. Another one of my six hundred and sixty-six techniques, "Social interaction number one! - voiceover by Gavr because Buer would just scare everyone while Buer moves my mouth!"
"Um, could I have a dozen with sprinkles?" asked Gavr out loud in her heavenly voice as the holding spell disappeared. Buer setup a barrier of summoned demons behind the counter, their massive forms with muscles bulging as the china girl tried to scramble away. She stopped as the crumpled money landed in her hands, tears streaming down her face as her eyes went blank and she delicately laid the money away in the broken register first, then opened up a box mechanically and retrieved the donuts, shaking as she went.
Now, I know that Gavr knows about how things actually work in the human world. She knows that I know. She knows Buer doesn't know. Her explanation saved the girl's life, because I can't be bothered to actually control Buer directly anymore. Thus, the gentle tug of war lead to this unfortunate situation where I used the store's own money to buy their own product. And thus, my will to respect the motion of this world was complete, and so I urged Buer to put a donut in my mouth and chew for me and as I did-
I realized this didn't taste like demon flesh at all. What is this? The smell, it was just a lure for the taste! I've been tricked!
Gavr's eyes gained a new bright light sensing my emotions. Yes, this was her plan all along, wasn't it? To tempt me with actual food again, whose taste I had forgotten in my escape from hell! And so it was then that I remembered lots of things.
The china girl fainted as I chewed. Wait, aren't I horrible person? No, I'm the absolute worst person! I had forgotten normal human interaction entirely in those early days out of Hell, and now I was remembering!
That was the very first time that those thoughts occurred to me since coming to Earth.
Advertisement
- In Serial61 Chapters
The Fiasco
When you’ve seen as many catastrophes as I have, “disaster” becomes a relative term. Us perpetual kidnap victims get to hang our heads while waiting for the tights-wearing crowd to arrive. I'm extra special. Why? Because my only real power is being kept alive by constantly attracting insane events. That's me. Adam. The wrong guy in the wrong place, every single time. Sit back, grab your drink or drug of choice, and follow along as I hit some of the highlights. We'll start with Ted, a reporter with a scheme of petty revenge. We'll meet Alice, a psychopath with personality problems whose out to make babies or disembowel me. I'm never sure. We'll watch me fail at being a glorified field trip supervisor for a powered collage. There's a whole host of other heroes and villains along the way. At the end of this story about me and those suffering my presence, I'll end the world. Because that's the logical last step. Book 1 – The Fiasco in News (Complete, Cover) Book 2 – The Fiasco in School (Complete) Book 3 – The Fiasco in an Apocalypse (Incomplete, WIP)
8 358 - In Serial6 Chapters
Truck-chan VS. Reincarnation
Look both ways when you cross the street, because Truck-kun is coming to give you a treat. A dangerous death, and little offbeat reincarnation. Prepare to meet, your maker. Truck-kun is your delivery taker.
8 153 - In Serial35 Chapters
diagnosed
my lil online journal! hehe its a sneak peek into my life u whoresin all seriousness this is very personal and even though i joke around these are my actual thoughts so id really like if you could at least read the most recent parts :)theres no need to respond but i wish someone is reading what i wrote lol hella typos sry, when i write in this theres always to many thoughts to worry abt writing like an actual educated teenim trash dont be surprised at first i thought i didn't want any interaction or commenting on this whatever you want to call it, but honestly feel free. i want to know what people think, so im encouraging it. but do fucking not, try to convince me otherwise. it doesn't do jack shit but make someone feel worse. ive heard the basic "theres more to live for" and "think of others" crap way to many times so don't piss me off more. but beyond that, please communicate if you want! i love hearing other people's thoughts!this is maybe one of the most embarrassing and out there thing i have ever written or revealed to anyone. these have my most intimate thoughts and experiences which im sorry if they seem overdramatic. i only have it here bc i was using it as a collective online journal that was easy to hide from people but i decided to publish it as a cry for help yay. (its been 2 hours and i unpublished the really embarrassing parts bc im a wimp)names can either be changed, modified, or just shortened bc im lazy but im a complete stranger so you'll never knowif the errors bother you suck it up if you want to keep reading ig but im not going to change anyhting if i dont feel like it oops
8 91 - In Serial16 Chapters
Unholy Rose
"Defend Humans" That has always been the way of Blue Rose. "Kill monsters. Heteromorphs, threats to humans." This has also been their way. But once hired by the Sorcerer King to protect his followers within the Holy Kingdom, old beliefs, and long loved bonds between sisters, are challenged in ways never before imagined. Will the rose wilt? Or blossom as never before, to a new truth in a new world of the sort they never imagined was even possible before.(God Rising Author Universe)
8 112 - In Serial100 Chapters
The Gangleader and Me ✅✔ (Completed)
*¡NEEDS MAJOR EDITING!**~*~*~*"You parked your bike in my spot." He said with a slight glare and I rolled my eyes. "Do you see me giving a fuck if its your spot or not? I don't see your name on it, so what's the problem?" I asked as I looked behind him at my bike in the same spot and he glared at me. "You look new so I will just let that slide. But I need to park my bike at my spot, so get your bike out of my spot! Understood?" He spoke slowly and I rolled my eyes once more. "I am not moving my bike because I was here first and I saw the spot first. So I parked first and I repeat myself again.... I don't see your name on it so I will not move my bike to please you nor a soul. So good luck with that and I swear... If you touch my bike, you will regret it. Take that as a warning." "You're the one that will be regretting this later and take that as a hint." I heard him yelling and I smirked. "Hint taken, asshole." "Make sure, blonde."*~*~*~*Ashley Sky is the daughter of a millionaire and she's typical a badass, but kinda a nerd at times. She has two side, a good sweet side and the side which no one should mess with. So moving to a new town and attending a new school, she decided to play it cool. She placed her badass ways behind her and went with the flow. But everything went downward when she parked her bike at the wrong spot at her new school.Tyson king is the school main bad boy and player but he surely knows how to love a girl which is worth it. He's the Captain of the football team and the Gangleader of the Q's - Quest Gang which is currently one of the strongest gang in town. He has been looking for a badass bitch ever since senior year and he knows whenever he finds her, there's no turning back for both of them. What will happen when these two meet?*~*~*~*Book #1 of, Him and Me series.*~*~*~*
8 206 - In Serial51 Chapters
Damn You (Z.M.)
"Gyvenimas - didžiulė mokykla."
8 176

