107. Trauma

Charlene

Juliet would not leave Michael alone again. Liam and Cindy, and Jessy had to all three be there before she would even walk back with me. Letting Louis get into the dirt.

She was waiting at the gates when I sat down next to Carl after giving Rodrigo the little tube. I didn’t know what to say to Carl. It had been months of Louis and him trying to find out who was behind everything. No one had suspected Bertram would go that far in playing both sides. How did he keep it all from Louis?

I was nervous. Carl put his hand on mine. “What’s wrong Chars. Where is everyone? What happened.” I interlaced our fingers and gripped onto him as Mateo transformed into a human. Carl’s gaze drifted down to our hands.

“It was your father… Carl.” His hand clasped mine tighter. “We saw him with Qadir. He took Michael.”

The crowd went nuts when Louis and Qadir started fighting. It wasn’t long before Juliet killed him, and my face was buried in Carl’s shoulder. Her animalistic nature… Being a creature was sometimes too much for me to accept… His hand was on my head and hair. Agatha crying next to him.

We all sat motionless as Juliet ran out of the arena. There was just one place she was going.

“I think… I’m not going home with you.” Carl said solemnly. He looked up, and my gaze traveled with his. It was Kubra. I jumped up, and he grabbed me.

“Carl, I think it’s a mistake….” Kubra tried… Carl’s eyes were on the ground, wheels turning. And he left.

“We have to go home,” I said to Kubra.

He nodded. Helping Agatha up. We still had to navigate the crowd. The night was over.

“Charlene, I have to go tell Marcus. Will you be okay?” Kubra asked as we neared the red gates. Agatha gripped my hand. We both nodded, and Kubra left quickly. I saw Juliet aimlessly staring into the room.

***

Marcus

It was almost the middle of the night. When the request came through, and I saw Kubra’s name… I knew something had happened. A lump formed in my throat. I was still at my office desk. Even that late at night. I waited impatiently. It was Juliet’s Birthday, and I didn’t even go over to see her. Scared that it would all be ending soon.

The office door opened… Kubra’s eyes carried a mixture of shock and fear… He went to sit down. No bow no greeting. Nothing.

“What is it? Out with it!”

“Your father died.”

Strangely I had no immediate feelings about it. Not even relief. Kubra wasn’t saying anything else… I walked over and held out my hand.

He hesitated. Irritated, I waved my palm at him. I wasn’t even talking anymore or civil. Everything that happened between us was coming to an end.

“Remember that time in France… When Jack and I came after the Embassy. You hugged me because I was secretly altering your feed. I want to remember you like that.”

“Give me the stick, Kubra.”

“Remember that time you killed my father.”

The words hurt. I remembered the moment. When I had to face him after…

“Was it you?”

He shook his head slightly. Ahasuerus came into the study. Kubra gave me the tube and fell to the floor. Me falling in front of Juliet in the club flashed in my thoughts. Where was that guy? That would love her even if she had fifty lovers. I shook myself and waved the little tube in the air. The three of them were fighting. Juliet got him down. Almost all by herself. She had on the mouthpiece.

“Who was controlling her?” Kubra shook his head.

Rodrigo came and took it off. She trusted him that much. I held my breath as her gaze traveled up to my mom’s.

Ahasuerus and I were speechless as she waited for Agatha to give permission. Juliet spoke to Louis, and he said something… She was violent and swift. My fists clenched when she dropped him into the dirt, sobbing. All I could think about was that I wasn’t there.

“Now your chit has done what neither of us could do,” Ahasuerus said.

My fist relaxed at his tone. For a moment, I had thought he would retaliate. I would have had to make another decision. Ahasuerus left. His PA in tow going to make funeral preparations. Kubra got up off the floor.

“What happened?”

“It was Bertram and Qadir. He wanted to kill Michael in front of Juliet.”

“Michael…? Alive?”

Kubra nodded. I sighed with relief. I was jealous, but not that jealous. I thought about Carl… We were such good friends at one stage. He would have a tough time with it all.

“Marcus… Please just… tell her something. Even if it’s a small note… You could see how difficult it was for her.”

Everything Qadir put her through. Everything I had to go through… to be conditioned… Hardened… He denied our marriage. What he did to my mother… I should give Juliet more than a note. The relief sunk in. He was dead. I felt better than I did that day Louis claimed her. We were all free… I walked to my desk. He came over and gave me paper and a pen. I didn’t have any.

Julie, I’m sorry.

I never meant to hurt you.

Or wanted you to have to do that.

I am relieved. You have set us all free.

I love you.

I didn’t fold it. Kubra read it. He nodded with tears in his eyes. “I’m glad to see you are still in there. Maybe now you can become your own person.”

He turned around and left.

***

Michael

All I remembered was Juliet. Her picking me up like I was nothing. Jumping up into the air over the fence. I knew being in her arms, I was safe… I relaxed and passed out. The first jostle that woke me… was in a car. Juliet wasn’t there.

We stopped. Many pairs of hands and arms carried me and lifted me up into a tub. Water started running over me. So many hands on me. Washing and scrubbing. But no one was saying anything. I didn’t know where I was. In and out of consciousness. Or who was around me?

At one point, I heard Juliet crying. Softly sniffling. I couldn’t open my eyes. I didn’t have the guts to look at her anyway. I wasn’t in the tub anymore. I was warm… They trimmed my beard. Checked me for fleas and lice. Cleaning my festering wounds on a table. Stitches, a drip.

When nothing was going on anymore, there was silence. “Michael… I’m going to drug you.” Juliet said softly.

She wasn’t touching me. “I’m too scared to touch you.” Her hand ran over my cheek. Relieved that she would put me out.

***

Juliet

Michael was already at the house… When Louis and I got there, he was in the bath. He was so thin… My dad was holding him up. My mom was crying and washing… Jessy was following orders. And I guessed a doctor helping. Giving directions. Behind me was everyone else that had come from the arena. Charlene and Agatha wrapped their arms around me. “Kubra went to tell Marcus,” Charlene whispered. Agatha took my hand in hers and kissed it.

***

After it all, Michael was in my bed. I just stood there staring at him. Everything he had to go through because he knew me.

“Juliet.” I heard the voice from the door. I couldn’t react. There was too much going on inside me. “Juliet.” My eyes slowly met Kubra’s. I drew in a breath.

Marcus was next… I would know in a second if I lost someone else. I couldn’t see Michael coming back from this. Kubra handed me a sheet of paper. Nervously my teeth bit down as I opened it and read. I started sobbing uncontrollably. Kubra gathered me in his arms. Louis came and took over. I didn’t stop crying for a long time.

***

Two Weeks Later

Michael

I was comfortable… In a bed. There was an arm draped over me from behind. It had to be Juliet. She was nestled into my back, sleeping.

Lifting my head a little, I could open my eyes. It had been a long time. I tried to figure out where we were. The room was dark, and I was thankful that I still had my eyes.

My body stiffened as I realized I was in bed with her… and Louis. He was holding her… It was a little weird. I thought I would be okay with it… but I wasn’t. I couldn’t deal and lifted her arm. I slowly got up, throwing my legs over the bed. Juliet had woken up and sat up on her elbows. Louis didn’t move.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be able to do… this.” I gestured to the bed.

“You know this is me, right.”

She stood up and took my hand. Leading me out to the room next door.

It was beautifully decorated. All my old stuff from my apartment was there. My helmet for my Harley was hanging, and my leather jacket. Boots at the door. Black satin sheets with my old comforter that I loved. I was such a human.

She sat down on a couch. The lounge area had a flat screen, consoles, and remotes waiting on a table. Cup holders in the sofas.

“I’m sorry, Michael… I have no excuse for not coming for you. I should have found you… And if you want to leave. I’ll understand.”

I knew she needed to say it. Just to get it off her chest… She wasn’t putting any pressure on me… My head was a mess. I was going to need help. I should have left. Staying there would make everyone stressed and uncomfortable. Look at me funny and treat me differently. Afraid that they were going to pity me. Would I even be able to function?

My eyes met hers for the first time. The last time was when I dropped off Caleb… That she had told me to come back. She was waiting… I tried to see what I always saw in them. Excitement, adoration, respect. Even though all of that was still there… I was different.

Did I still feel the same about her? Was I angry? I couldn’t be at her… I knew how hard she had tried. I was on another freaking planet… Why did Marcus not find me?

“Your old apartment is still there. I can have you set up there in an hour. If you want to go… It will take ten minutes. You’ll be back in Brooklyn. We moved the teleporter station into the compound… Or… You could go to the farm… Or we could go to the farm.”

“Where is Samuel?” My voice was dry and croaky. I cleared my throat.

Juliet stood up. Going over to the small built-in bar outside against the mountain. There was a water dispenser, and she brought me a cup.

“We don’t know. MIA since you were taken.”

I was always the fun one… What would my purpose be… There was no more fun left in me. Tired of standing, I went to sit down opposite her. Not next to her… Or close to her.

“If you want me to leave you alone for a few days so you can just chill.”

I said nothing. Juliet got up slowly. “I didn’t want to scare you with the bed situation. We just thought it best you know where we want you.”

The door closed, but I rushed toward it and opened it. She spun around to me.

“Don’t close the door.”

She gave a silent sob pressing her lips together nodding and turned towards her room.

***

For two weeks, I was just in the room. I didn’t leave… I didn’t talk to anyone. The door was always open.

Even when I slept. I liked to sit on the sofa and just watch… Get a feel for things… I could hear the regular group outside that I so desperately wanted to join a year ago… I heard them struggling with Sammy. Something I could help with, but I couldn’t get up.

I noticed Kubra and Charlene. Carl wasn’t there. He was feeling bad that his father was the one that took me. Made Rodrigo keep me. I heard how she killed Qadir. Marcus wasn’t there… I wondered what had happened… Where he was? I had not seen him.

No one did, in the end, pity me. Or treat me in any way I didn’t want to be. They didn’t even talk to me. I think Louis had a lot to do with that.

My gaze still followed Juliet… where ever she would go, and I could see her. So used to watching… She... was still… hot… Having her comfort me was a thought. But screwed up as I was…the regrets soon shut down those thoughts.

She was different… more mature… Me being missing had so much to do with it… I wasn’t there to help her through the birth… Weird… That to me… Was a bitter pill to swallow… Who delivered the baby? Who was there to help her after? I always wanted to help her.

I wondered how long I was out. After Marcus branded her. She was out for three days. It was just her and me. Having to sit and wait. Touching her for the first time after years of just watching… Help her to the bathroom. Clean her in the bed. Doing everything a… nurse would… do… The humiliation and anxiety hit me. My head snapped up... The embarrassment was too much… I walked to the door, stopping just outside. A lot of eyes were on me. It was the first time I had made contact. “How long was I out?”

“About two weeks…” Juliet answered slowly.

“Who? Who took care of me?” I forced out the words.

She raised her hand slowly. I could feel the small frown lines form on my forehead. I never… ever… wanted to be that for her. I was supposed to be the one who took care of her and all her needs… I was her watcher.

“I need to get out.” I sneered. I grabbed my helmet and my jacket. I sat down to slip on my boots.

Like them… I couldn’t hear her thoughts. Hear her breathing and what it told them about her emotional state. I couldn’t hear her heart pounding unless I could feel it with an outstretched hand on her chest.

Did she want to come with me for a drive? Did I want her with me for a drive? I needed to get out… Out… Far away from where I always wanted to be. She was where I wanted to be. For the first time, it felt wrong… I felt wrong… She killed Qadir because of me. Oh, how messed up I was. I couldn’t get control of my thoughts. And the PTSD was still coming.

The sleep deprivation was the worst. It nearly made me go crazy. Just before you did go off the deep end. They would give you a good night’s sleep. Clean you up. Feed you… And it will all start over. The conditioning camps were just that. Rewarded for good behavior. Sensory deprivation to show you who was in control.

Our gazes fixed when I had the guts to bring my eyes to hers. Mine flickered up and down as I pulled on my second boot. Hers were soft and waiting. Louis came out of the office… He frowned when he saw me. “No! Where do you think you’re going?”

“I need to get out.”

“You can’t get on a bike Michael… Let alone a Harley. You can’t even walk properly. Your physio is just starting to work… Come on man think.”

I paused. I wasn’t thinking… Louis would quickly get in my head… He would be able to help me… Maybe… He could be who I talked to.

He picked up his jacket and pushed one arm through, walking over. He grabbed my wrist, and I grabbed his. He helped me up and moved me down the corridor towards the gates.

The red gates to Marcus’s house she was in that morning… I had watched her cut her wrists and get shot… And I let it happen… The scene played out in my mind… Louis’s hand gripped mine. Interlocking our fingers. It felt so weird, but any human touch meant something. He opened a car door for me. My bike standing in its own little garage.

He started aimlessly asking me about my hobby to get me to talk. It helped… I really was such a human… Taking a drive on my bike … working on it… tweaking, and keeping it in good shape… was the one thing that made me feel good.

“I will set up a shop for you… You will have a space tomorrow.”

***