Arising from my seat, I moved towards her. I could see people gaze with interest as I approached, but I minded them not. Every action or inaction of mine will be criticized, all I can do is ignore and dismiss. The closer I got, I noticed how light her skin was, a trait held by people in the cold northern regions. She wore a dark blue dress that flowed down to her feet. Noticing my approach, she curtsied, holding the edges of her dress up.

“Your Majesty.” She said with a modulated voice that I found greatly pleasant to the ear.

“Are you enjoying the ball so far?” I asked as a conversation starter.

“It is enjoyable, I like the atmosphere. Although, if I must admit, such events are not my preference.”

I slightly grinned at her words.

“I enjoy your frankness. In truth, it is mine neither. This is something I hope you could keep secret, of course. Pardon me, it seems to have slipped my mind; may I inquire your name?”

She returned an enticing smile to me.

“It is Ayla. I am honored to be in your presence.”

“I wonder if that is really true.” I said with joking sarcasm.

“Without a doubt. You have made great efforts to preserve the order of your fine nation. You have been forced to make unpleasant decisions, but you still endeavored for your people.”

I was surprised at her willingness to broach such a delicate topic. I admired her confidence and was not put off by her directness. In fact, I found it quite intriguing. Her straightforwardness reminded me of my far away friend.

“I’m not so noble. I have done nothing but act out of a desire of self-preservation. It is those who fought to reach this point that deserve the praise.”

I truly believed these words. I had not been concerned with others during that time. I just wanted to live and keep the peace. I won’t deny that I had feelings of duty towards the people who had been betrayed, but to claim my actions were so honorable was not my belief.

“The desire to live is noble itself. Still, if you were so focused on living would you not have simply escaped? I’m sure many countries would be willing to host you. That is why I honor you so. While you claim it was just self-preservation, your actions show that you took great risks to protect Rhinsburg with what you had.”

While I didn’t fully agree with her words, I desired not to make a mountain out of a molehill and argue over it. Her manner of speech was quite delightful. Her words were bright and intelligent. She knew how to argue and would stick by her statement if she meant it. I was sure that I could converse with her for an endless deal of time.

“Then I’ll gladly take your praise.” I said, “I would love to talk to you more, how much longer will you be in Rhinsburg?”

The ball was reaching its end and as much as I craved to continue, I dared not to overstay my welcome. Unless I took my leave, no one would.

“I return to Goti in five days.”

“Would it interest you to meet again perchance?”

“I would love to do so.”

She said as she bid me farewell.

My mind was stuck on her since that night. I was entranced by her. I was unable to remove myself from the beauty of her eyes. It was a chasm that pulled me deeper the more I looked. Like rubies they shone with something that made me feel almost jealous. She had something I could never attain: an aura that exuded peace. She surely was loved and nurtured as a child. Her parents must have strived to give her a care and warmth throughout her life. It reminded me of the one time I had visited Hedrick’s house.

Rarely was I permitted to exit the palace unattended; mother would worry too much. Yet, just this once I managed to sneak away. Hedrick did not tell his parents of my status nor did I mention it. His home was quaint and small. Hundreds could fit in the palace which I lived. Even so, it felt calm. It was so much different from the air of importance and seriousness that encompassed the palace. Though I lived much more extravagantly, much better, their lives felt better. It felt safe; a feeling I never would feel in that cold palace. It wasn’t the difference in building that made such a drastic change, it was the people in them. In the palace there was no love, no warmth. I wondered if it was possible to be happy when one had so much power and responsibility. It disabled the ability for a normal family to exist. There was too much greed, too much desire for any normalcy to blossom.

In Hedrick’s home they worried not of such grand matters. They cherished each other and lived harmoniously. I understood that not all common families where as such, but I knew it was something that could only be found among those not caught in the struggle of politics fueled by avarice. Royalty were less of family than potential rulers. Everyone recklessly grasped for dominance with no thought of what reason they needed such authority for. It disassembled the fundamental unit of life, a family, and turned them into a close group of strangers. Thinking back, I recall little of any of my relatives. I spoke little with Johann III, isolated myself from mother, and avoided my brothers like the plague. The words we all exchanged were so few I could remember the individual moments. Dinner was eaten apart or in silence, there was not the cross-table banter that I witnessed in Hedrick’s home. There was no small talk. My own father had to summon me for us to just speak. When I arrived at the palace after visiting Hedrick’s home, I cried. There were no words to describe the feeling in my heart.