From: Kamal E Y [email protected]>

To: Sabrina [email protected] >

Sent: 8 November, 1999 01:48 PM

Subject: facing problems

My dearest love,

My finger is ok now even though the swelling hasn't come down completely. My love, I take the blame you put on me. It was my fault, I should not have told you about that. It was not a big matter because while playing cricket, players do get hurt every now and then. That is why I wrote it to you. I didn't mean to scare you. Remember, once you told me you have the ability to take the pain away from a person. That was another reason.

You are right, I didn't go to the temple. But this happened on Friday, not on Saturday. Why do you always say there is something going to happen to you? I don't want to see that. Nothing is going to happen to you. This deserves not just pinching. You need a small slap on your back. Promise me you will take care of yourself for me and that you will not think of aby bad things. These are not just some sweet words. I am getting a little worried about you because you are repeating this in all your recent mails. I hope we can talk before you go to Hong Kong.

You went out in the night alone to the market? See, you really need both your ears to be pinched. I am serious. Why are you doing this? I read from the book you sent me that there is not the safest place for a woman to walk alone. I can't let you go. You may call me over suspicious. OK, in your case, I don't want to take any risk.

What I said about introducing you in public was just my wish. What I really meant was that I want everyone to see us together. About the chances, well, who knows, I may even quit this software field. Actually I am interested in advertising and marketing. I know what you meant. But I want to draw you out of the burrow you have made for yourself.

About our fantasies and the possible disappointment when we meet, I know that there is such a possibility. Through emails and phone, we are so open, we discuss everything. If we continue to do so when we meet also, I think, we can bring down the chances of any disappointment. And you told me not to love your photo, but to love your soul. You know when we first said "I love you" to each other, we hadn't seen the photos, right? We started to love each other's soul first, right? Usually, in the case of other people, love begins at eyes and reaches to heart, in our case, it began at heart and it will reach the eyes.

You told me if you quit our love, I must bot runaway I should face it. Thanks for your advice. When you quit, I will sing a song, marry a girl and live here happily. And you will do there whatever you want. What do you think? Can I live happily anywhere when you are there, lonely? You told me to face it. Tell me how to deal with it. You told me you are good at solving problems. Please solve this for me. My family is against our relation. So you quit. I return to home. What should I do? To marry some girl and forget you? Or keep visiting you every 3 months? Or keep mailing you like this forever? Or to leave the married girl here and live with you? Or to spend 6 months each with both of you? Or to go and kill myself? I want you badly. Can you please kill me one day when I am asleep in our bed after making love? Or while making love strangle me, so that I can leave the earth with the ultimate feeling?

It doesn't matter whether I marry someone or not. I can't leave you. It will be, cheap, cheating the married girl. But I am ready to stoop to any cheap level for this relationship. You can't quit. How can you quit? Don't say anything about morality to me.

Am I too emotional today? I think yes, I am. If I write more, we both will become tense. Let us face each other, not the problems. Let them come. They will come, but by that time, we will find out a way. The first thing now is we want each other. Let us face that...

Always for you

Kamal