From: Kamal E Y [email protected] >

To: Sabrina [email protected] >

Sent: 26 January, 2000 01:58 PM

Subject: I don't understand

Dear,

It seems that you want me to tell you something about me which even I don't know. You have some idea and you want me to tell that. I don't know. Really, I don't know. Believe me. I am not keeping a distance from you. If you feel like that, it may be because of my work-stress, January and February are very hectic every year here. The testing of our new software starts in March. So by that time, we have to finish programming. So we are under stress during these months. Today is a holiday for us, for the whole of India. It is our republic day. India became a republic in 1950 Jan 26. I came here for two things. The first thing is I want to talk to you and the second thing is work.

You told me that you have seen the real me. Tell me what you have seen. Then I may be able to give some explanation for that.

You want to know everything from my heart. I don't know what to say. They are unknown to me too. Maybe this thing I haven't said, I get hurt very easily. Simple things make me feel hurt. But I don't show it to anyone in any way. But even if I get hurt, I overcome that very soon. The person who hurt me will never know that he had hurt me. I think this may be the reason why I don't like to hurt anyone.

And I can't say what all things make me feel hurt. It just happens. But I try not to give anyone a chance to hurt me.

I am afraid of telling this to you. Because you may stop to talk to me openly. To be frank, you are the only person in this world who can get away after saying "I don't know whether I like you". Surprisingly, even if you said that and I felt hurt at that time, after some days, it just became a fun thing instead of causing hurt.

That is because I understand your character. You don't keep anything in our minds. You always tell everything openly. So I know that when you tell something, you don't mean anything else.

I want you to keep that character to me because I understand you and our relationship is not formal. If you keep something in our mind and not tell me, I will not know that. So I may not correct my mistake if there was any mistake from my part.

It is difficult for me to talk that much openly. My character is to keep the feeling to myself.

And you may be knowing that I won't forget things so easily. Even minor things. If I act like I forgot something, most of the time it means that I don't want to discuss that subject. Maybe it can be called "intentional forgetting". This is all I can think about my hidden character.

I don't know if these are the answers to your question. I am not keeping a distance from you! (Remember once you told me that we have to keep some distance between us? And I told you it is not good.) If I made you feel like that, I am really sorry. (We are using this word "sorry" many times these days. Remember, we decided not to say sorry to each other! Changes with this time...???

Anyway, you must never doubt my love for you. It was always there, it is still there, and it wants it to remain there in the future too...

Yours

Kamal