Yahoo Messenger: 30 July 2000 11:05 PM

Subject: the argument

romeobanglore: hello

julietscity: yes

romeobanglore: here it is very tensed up situation

julietscity: so...you don't have enough time

romeobanglore: I have a lot of time...company is closed

julietscity: why the tensed up situation?

romeobanglore: One of the famous actor has been kidnapped by some terrorists..

julietscity: Indian Actor

romeobanglore: yes...he is from Bangalore

julietscity: It's an important news there right?

romeobanglore: of course it is...some people have become very violent. They have blocked all the roads. no vehicles are running

julietscity: You should back home early, or you will be in danger on the way home

romeobanglore: My home is very near to here...only 1 minute walk

julietscity: hmmm...

julietscity: where is your car?

romeobanglore: car? still I haven't bought it here...

julietscity: your course during this week

romeobanglore: C++ course?

julietscity: yes

romeobanglore: I have to have some money to do that...and find free time after office...still my work has not been completely finished...you know

julietscity: don't feel any bad feelings or any other feelings of anger on what I will ask next ...

romeobanglore: ok...fire!

julietscity: I want to know how you feel about me... the true one, not any sweet words

julietscity: the kind of feeling

julietscity: about a woman

julietscity: or a friend

romeobanglore: it is hard to tell or write...it is a combination of different feelings

julietscity: why

romeobanglore: I can't just find out what all feelings are there

julietscity: you need time

julietscity: and I will wait for it

romeobanglore: because everything is bound by a feeling of love

julietscity: no

julietscity: that's not right

romeobanglore: I feel so

julietscity: you don't want love to be mixed with pain

romeobanglore: it is not like that

julietscity: our love sometimes makes you miserable

romeobanglore: even if it hurt sometimes, love is still there, binding together everything

julietscity: love changes after a fight or quarrel

romeobanglore: as I said, it heals other wounds

romeobanglore: it is not the love that changes...

julietscity: how to say

romeobanglore: I feel angry sometimes when you don't listen to me

julietscity: you did not show me the ability to obey you

romeobanglore: I don't want to show any ability, my concept of love doesn't have any power play

julietscity: love again

romeobanglore: this is not any sweet words, when I deal with you and other people, it is definitely different...

julietscity: how?

romeobanglore: when I argue with other people, I ague hard and never give up till I get my result

romeobanglore: but with you...it is not like that

julietscity: you always endure my irrationality

romeobanglore: since I don't want to argue, I get exhausted soon

romeobanglore: it is my character...not any endurance

julietscity: maybe my personality requires you to take the time to argue hard

romeobanglore: and when I argue hard, you seem to doubt my love and feeling towards you

romeobanglore: just like this time...when I just tried to argue

julietscity: did you get your result?

romeobanglore: no...you didn't argue, you doubted my feelings

julietscity: it's not like that. This is the first time I know your way or words sternly

romeobanglore: see...that was when I tried to argue with you

julietscity: this part of your personality has never appeared

romeobanglore: I always suppressed it, because I don't want to show it to you...you didn't like my hiding but

romeobanglore: so I said openly

julietscity: good, I need it

romeobanglore: so...where did we reach? yet another showdown

julietscity: you suppress it and think it's a way of love

romeobanglore: that is why I said, you are not sure what you really want

julietscity: which part?

romeobanglore: You don't want me to argue, you don't want me to suppress

romeobanglore: If I argue, you will think I am going away

julietscity: I don't want you to suppress yourself because of me ... after time, you will blame me for being out of control

romeobanglore: whenever we argue, we blame on each other...that is natural

romeobanglore: that is why an argument comes up

julietscity: not to suppress doesn't mean you can't argue

romeobanglore: when I say it openly, it results in argument

julietscity: your feelings about everything may let us learn more from each other's minds

romeobanglore: see...you don't listen to me sometimes...how can I tell my feeling then?

julietscity: no, I don't think so. You rarely talk openly

romeobanglore: and it has always ended up in an argument

julietscity: please...

romeobanglore: what?

julietscity: you think that I always deliberately argue with you, right?

julietscity: after every comment you make ... I just ignore it and treat it as an argument?

romeobanglore: sometimes...I feel that you want to gain something out of our argument

julietscity: why do I need you

julietscity: what do I get from you?

julietscity: what did you lose?

romeobanglore: how can I tell you that? ask yourself

julietscity: have you lost respect from my side?

julietscity: myself?

romeobanglore: I don't know if I lose respect from you

julietscity: have you lost anything from my side?

romeobanglore: yes...yourself...why you don't listen to my words?

julietscity: what words do you want me to listen to?

romeobanglore: I lose my mood and the sentiments

julietscity: do you think I get your guilt?

romeobanglore: when we started to chat on June 30, you didn't listen to any of my words, right?

julietscity: Guilt makes me cry all the time, why do I need to cry?

romeobanglore: hmmm...I think you gain the feeling that I am punished

julietscity: Only happened on June 30 or other times? Or I always make you feel so...

romeobanglore: I am punished because I didn't do what you wanted me to do

julietscity: what did the punishment happen to you?

romeobanglore: whenever we argued, the argument began because you didn't listen to my reasons

julietscity: you didn't lose anything

romeobanglore: the punishment is that my words are ignored

romeobanglore: my "sorry" is ignored

julietscity: when things happen ... sorry cannot be the cause

romeobanglore: see...sorry is not a cause...it is a way to tell that it was not intentional

romeobanglore: at first I tried to say sorry without giving any reasons...that was not accepted

julietscity: I didn't mean you forgot it on purpose

julietscity: I just don't understand why or how you forgot?

romeobanglore: I said sorry first because nobody is going to gain from post mortem of what had happened

romeobanglore: you didn't say that...you said I don't care for such things

romeobanglore: and for that I gave you reasons

romeobanglore: so many times...you don't want to understand it

romeobanglore: maybe you understand, but not ready to accept

julietscity: Yeah... can't accept

julietscity: at the first time

romeobanglore: because you think I treated you badly

julietscity: You are not the type who will forget things, you have a good memory, you always know my menses date

romeobanglore: those things I remember as a special day

romeobanglore: your menses is special for me...it has become a habit...so I remember it

julietscity: you doubt on me...really, in some way

julietscity: you did

julietscity: doubt is not a good word

julietscity: maybe

romeobanglore: I don't have any doubt on your love.

julietscity: I didn't mention love

julietscity: You doubt or...whatever any kind of word like that

romeobanglore: I never felt so...even when we argue

julietscity: no

julietscity: you did

romeobanglore: then what doubt?

julietscity: because ...how to say...

romeobanglore: I didn't. When I wrote the reply to your letter saying "goodbye" to me, I knew you will reply to it

romeobanglore: I just gave you a chance...that is all

julietscity: I don't understand it

julietscity: why you gave me a chance

romeobanglore: a chance? means, if you had any pressure because of me...I just gave you a chance to relieve it...

romeobanglore: just like you asked me to marry someone else in my State

romeobanglore: you didn't want it, I know...just like that, I also gave you a chance. that is all

julietscity: why didn't you tell me that...I can relieve it from you?

romeobanglore: you know very well, I don't want to lose you....you are my weakness and strength

romeobanglore: because I don't want you to go...

julietscity: no...that's different

julietscity: gave me a chance to relieve it, you didn't say like that

romeobanglore: I don't want to ask you to go away...but if you had the pressure, I have to take care of it, even if it hurts me....that is why I said so...I didn't want it...

romeobanglore: I didn't say like that I can't let you go

romeobanglore: I told you indirectly...I told you "if you are concerned about your future, I can't say anything, I am helpless", right?

romeobanglore: I can endure my pain, but not yours.

romeobanglore: I felt the same way you are feeling now, when you told me to go away and marry someone else

romeobanglore: r u there?

julietscity: I have no word to say

romeobanglore: see, sometimes speaking openly makes life difficult

julietscity: everything is clear to me about how you feel or how I feel

romeobanglore: you don't have anything to say?

julietscity: no... One meaning in different terms will change meaning in different situations

romeobanglore: I don't understand

julietscity: If you told me that time, you wish me to relieve and gave me a chance...I might accept

romeobanglore: so...tell me now...you want to have the chance?

julietscity: tell me...Can I have another chance from your side?

romeobanglore: you want to go away from me?

romeobanglore: I don't want to ask this question

romeobanglore: you want to relieve your tension?

julietscity: it's not a relief,

romeobanglore: I know very well

romeobanglore: it is not relief

romeobanglore: it is the question of our future, I know

romeobanglore: it is tension

julietscity: face the tension and swallow the tension

romeobanglore: thanks God!!! you didn't take your chance...!

julietscity: until the tension suddenly erupts

romeobanglore: I was burning here

romeobanglore: thank you honey, thank you very much

romeobanglore: I don't like that...I care too much for you...you must not burst your tension

romeobanglore: I don't know how to make you understand my concern for you

romeobanglore: I have once told...sincerely...I am ready to take all the pain in this world, just to see you happy

julietscity: but I am not happy

romeobanglore: because all the pain will erase seeing your happiness

julietscity: honey

romeobanglore: only I should suffer. No one else

julietscity: I am not happy

romeobanglore: I know that, you are not happy.

romeobanglore: I was not able to give you happiness from our relation

romeobanglore: this is the thing which make me guilty

romeobanglore: I always gave you tension, pain and uncertainty

julietscity: why always make me cry at my room alone?

romeobanglore: I made you suffer because of my selfish love

romeobanglore: because I am helpless.

romeobanglore: you cry thinking of my helplessness

romeobanglore: can u call me?

julietscity: I can't now

romeobanglore: why?

julietscity: everyone are in the house

romeobanglore: there is no way?

romeobanglore: like that day?

julietscity: I am alone in my room and crying, I even can't leave my room

romeobanglore: please stop crying hon...I wanted to hear your voice....that is why...

romeobanglore: honey, honey, honey

julietscity: You don't like my crying, so calling you can't do anything ... I will cry again ... again ... again ...

romeobanglore: I know...just wanted to kiss you...

romeobanglore: now...go to sleep then...please honey...

julietscity: ok...I have to hide myself...

julietscity: in my room

romeobanglore: don't hide...I know why you are crying...

romeobanglore: and I understand it too....

julietscity: don't say that...

romeobanglore: go to bed and sleep

julietscity: bye...

romeobanglore: how can I like your crying...my dream is to keep you happy...always...always

julietscity: but you can't make your dream come true right away

romeobanglore: ok....c u soon

romeobanglore: and bye for now

romeobanglore: you are right...

romeobanglore: well...it is time for you to sleep...me too...I have to leave now

julietscity: bye

romeobanglore: bye