From: Kamal E Y [email protected] >

To: Sabrina [email protected] >

Sent: 24 October, 2000 05:20 PM

Subject: baby again

My honey,

Yesterday, we discussed again the issue of babies. I very well know how much you want to have a baby. But you don't understand my feeling. If we couldn't live together forever, how can I leave you in this world alone with a baby? The baby should be ours. We should be together to grow him up. But if you are alone...

I once told you, I have to ask Melody, Allison, Kelvin, and Michael about this. I need to discuss this with them also. If we can live together forever, everything will be great. We and our baby, but if we couldn't...

You remember, I once asked you to think of your future. You know, when I asked that, I was burning inside, my heart wanted you to say that you will be with me, but my brain told me to control. I had to do that because I love you that much. More than me, more than anything else, that is why I asked you to make a decision. And when you called from your holiday from K city and said that you want to be with me, I felt I am the happiest man in the world. But that still leaves an open question for us...if we couldn't...

Yesterday I told you that time might solve our problems...I said "might" because I can't give you promises, which I can't be sure of. How much I wish I was selfish. Do you know why I told you not to come to Bangalore? If my parents and the others come to know, they will try to stop our relationship. They will somehow arrange another marriage for me. I don't want that. If it is one minute, that one minute I want to be with you. Do you understand what am I saying? It is not the question of the reputation of my family. It is the question of our love.

I still don't want to think about what will happen after one or two years after we live together. If I have to separate from you...what will happen to your life? I can't just go and live somewhere with someone. This question makes me feel helpless. This is the case even without a baby. If you have a baby, a part of me, what can I do? How can I live without knowing about you?

You told me that giving you a baby is not a problem for me. Just to have sex and make you pregnant is quite easy. The hardest part is after that. How will I meet you and our baby? When, where? how often?

And the other thing is if you don't have a baby, in the future if you feel to marry someone, it will be easier for you. If you have a baby, it is going to be difficult, you are left with no options. You have to live with him and that will become your only life. You may say that you don't want any other life, but think... you are still young, you might want to have another relationship, maybe after 5 or 6 years...what will happen if you have a baby?

These are my words, my feelings which makes me feel uncomfortable about a baby. You might be knowing how much I want to be the father of your baby...You are my woman and I like to have a baby in you...but...

Yours only

Kamal