God, everything hurts.

Or is that just my head?

Rock has lost 1 Hit Points.

Wait, my name is Rock!

Rock has lost 1 Hit Points.

I check my body, or try to! Everything seems so slow, and yet… I can’t move. I can only feel something important leaking from my head, which is throbbing with a pain that feels so urgent yet distant.

“I’m… I’m…” But I can’t complete that thought, that one word to describe what is happening to me, the one word that seems so important, yet beyond my reach.

Rock has lost 1 Hit Points.

I try to reach for something, anything, but my hands don’t seem to want to move, and my neck feels wrong—

Rock has lost 1 Hit Points.

Dear Yeezus, am I dying!? Is this it! In my panic, something in me screams for my attention. Is it my head? Or is it something deeper? I can’t move! I can’t even open my eyes! Yet something inside me needs my undivided attention! Something important. And with something not quite my hands, I touch it—

A blue screen appears.

ROCK

Level 1

Race Goblin

Class Raider

Job RAIDER

Hit Points : -8

Mana : 2

Morale : 7

Condition : Dying (Monster has taken negative hit points, needs medical attention), Bleeding out (Untreated profuse blood loss has resulted in character losing -1 HP every 30 seconds), Paralysis (Monster is unable to move due to either head trauma or spinal injury), Desperate to Survive (With Morale relatively high by Goblin standards, Monster still wants to live).

Oh, that’s right, I am bleeding. And I was hit by a shovel—

Rock has lost 1 Morale

Yup, that’s it for me. It was a good life, raiding and getting almost killed—

Rock has lost 1 Morale

Running for my life every day, never getting enough to eat, having to—

Rock has lost 1 Morale

Eat my dead cousin for food! It wasn’t a good life! It was a terrible one, fighting fucking humans, fighting for food, fighting just because! I hate this! I—

I HATE going on raids!

I HATE almost dying!

I HATE STARVING!

I HATE BEING A RAIDER!

Rock has lost 1 Morale

Rock has lost 1 Hit Points

Rock is—

Rock is—

Rock has gained 1 Health.

“Stay with us Rock!”

Wait—what?

“Come on, chew!”

Rock has gained 1 Health.

“That’s it! See NO EAT!”

That’s Dagger! Dagger is ok!

Rock has gained 1 Health

Rock gained 2 Morale

I keep chewing and feel the bitter swab of meat and the associated juices flow down my throat as something wraps itself around my head. I can feel the throbbing stronger and less distant, but that’s a good thing, right? And Dagger’s ok!

So I try to open my eyes as I chew—

Rock has gained 1 Health

And see Dagger standing over me, with a big dumb grin on his face, filled with crooked teeth and yellowing canines. His face is a mess of pimples, and one scar that runs the length of his forehead is intersected by another new mark that runs straight across it. It hasn’t really healed, but he’ll be ok.

Rock has gained 1 Morale

Will I be? Yeezus provides all Goblins with good health and short lives. I’ll be fine, and once healed, I’ll be out on another raid. Another Raid?

I try to open my mouth, and only garbled nonsense comes out, so I close it. Dagger doesn’t look too concerned. Did he drag me back to the village? No… what probably happened is that one of the squad leaders called for a full retreat and, having gotten nothing to eat, dragged the dead and unconscious back to camp. At least the one's still recoverable…

“Am I eating Cousin Mushroom?” I croak.

Dagger nods. “Doesn’t he taste like mushrooms?”

I chew the wad of meat in my mouth for a few moments with my eyes closed in concentration before swallowing.

“He kinda does.”