Andy’s Antiques and Accents.

That was the front. The system itself was simple and solid.

I bought crap on-line on the ‘cheap’, and I sold it at a markup that only fools would consider. Then my 'clients' would buy the stuff at a markup and eventually the money would return to them via insurance claims.

Hence my store considered it important to be well-stocked, and well priced.

I called it the A-Kia collection. My curated goods of well-sourced, slavery-free products from various corners of the world. Proceeds also went to various foundations.

It was even true. 3% was donated out with every purchase. It was track-able by the various accountants and government oversights we submitted paperwork into. The fact that that was the limit for tax redemption was only coincidence.

As for the employees… they were all family. Or a family of family. It was simple honest work, and they received simple honest pay. At premium rates.

The fact that most of the store money was going to buy ‘high end’ imports was simply a wonderful business. Things were working out well, and money was flowing in.

It was all good until my niece Maya came in nearly in tears. Her eyes were misty as she told me someone was asking for a manager.

I frowned. What the fuck was this?

I immediately made it to the front as my niece took my seat and began to sob. I was not impressed with how the day was starting. Maya was just supposed to do the opening duties!

We weren’t even open yet!

A woman in tight-fitting clothing snorted as she saw me walk over. It would have been flattering if she wasn’t overweight. Her short haircut also raised my hackles. Was this the fabled Karen?

“Hello,” I greeted with a smile. The woman looked mean and angry. Like a rabid hamster.

“I have been waiting for 25 minutes!” the woman screamed as she stepped in to maximize her stature and voice. Yup. Definitely a Karen.

I stepped back since I didn’t like her smell.

“I… am sorry? What seems to be the problem?”

“I wanted to buy this divider! That girl was wasting my time. Who made it and how much does it cost?” she huffed out as she grabbed my arm and dragged me with her.

The divider in question was a simple bronze accented, 3 fold divider. It was simple, made of poplar wood, and was handcrafted in a Chinese village. My uncle’s brother’s cousin’s wife’s nephew’s daughter worked there.

I got it at a very nice deal, and they were more than happy to receive such a generous order on the high end. I didn’t even barter and added 25% for family love.

If anything, it was among the better stuff I had ever received.

“Yes. This is a Han style, Ranique themed divider,” I explained as I lifted the info card for Karen to see. The price was also printed out in a wonderful, bold black font. $1499 for a $199 item. It probably cost the village $50 to make it once you considered the labor.

The fact that Maya had just made up its history made me smile. This is super legit fake stuff! I showcased the divider with pride.

“I want it for half that,” she huffed as turned me around to look at her. “I have been waiting and that girl didn’t know anything about this divider!”

“Miss, please. The import fees, and the fair pricing system we have forced the costs up. We barely make 10% here,” I whispered to her as if it wasn’t just a giant scam.

Sure we bought the item at $199. But my import business run by my lovely sister definitely sold it to me at $1,275. Minus 10% for store profits, and 5% for basic, bulk amazon shipping.

It was also tragic that the occasional shipment was mismanaged. Broken goods. Damaged goods… all covered by my cousin’s insurance business. Oh, they were too generous with their customer service.

Though it was a literal roll of the die if they would cover any particular claims. Unless it was a high value. Then they had to ensure customer satisfaction. I even took them to court once.

I lost. But hey, those were the chances I took. The company did settle out of court to retain my business though. All hush-hush.

Family businesses were great like that.

“Half,” Karen growled as she pursed her lips and started to turn red.

“Miss… I know that you may not like our prices. Or perhaps don’t like the charities that we support. If you go to Dock 1, I know that they currently have a similar divider, a gold one, at less then our half price,” I began…

“I will report you to the better business bureau!” she hissed at me.

I leaned back as her breath hit me like a sucker punch. Did she eat only microwaved fish or something?

“Ah!” I spat out as I hopped up, and conveniently escaped her clutches. How terrible! If they investigated us they would only find well-kept books! How scandalous! Though… there was always a chance things could go wrong.

She frowned at me.

“We might be able to do something!” I said with a cheerful smile. “You might be in luck. You see we had a small oddity with shipping. Something broke, but they had sent us an extra one!”

Karen nodded. I think she was following along.

“So this divider doesn’t exist you see. No officially…” I whispered to her and she leaned in. “If you pay cash… we never sold it, you see,” I said as I nodded to myself.

Karen gave me an odd look.

“If you pay cash, the extra divider just becomes yours. No official charity taxes!” I said with a smile.

“For half, right?” Karen hedged as she stared at the object of her desire.

“If you buy now, I will call it an even $700, and throw in shipping since you have been so patient with us!” I said as I gave her a winning smile.

“Yes. That sounds fair!” Karen said as we made it over to the counter.

I smiled as I filled out the paperwork. Karen answered my questions as I entered the information into the system.

Holy shit! Her first name was actually Karen.

“I thought you said no paperwork?” Karen asked as I finished printing everything. She pulled out the cash and triple counted it.

“Ah! After the delivery, I will simply mark this as rejected and returned. This way you will always have a copy of an official purchase, at full price, and we simply wasted some gas next Tuesday at 3 pm,” I explained with a smile.

Karen smiled and thanked me for my time and left with a skip in her step.

Maya tugged at my sleeves. Her face was full of relief as she watched that hamster leave.

“I am sorry uncle… I messed up,” she whispered.

“Oh, Maya. That was just a nasty person. Don’t worry, Uncle is taking care of it,” I whispered back as I gave her a tight hug. She gave me a solid squeeze as Super Uncle was here.

I stared at the paperwork on the desk. Karen.

I would have the boys scope out her place and she would get a nice surprise in the near future. I wondered what she would look like when she got home and it was empty. Everything important in her house would be cleaned out.

Heck, I would even reprint her receipt for insurance purposes.

Though I would have the boys steal even her soaps and shampoo to spite her.