《Oh, I'm A God?》Chapter 6: Outhouse Thoughts
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My week preparing for the expedition has been all training training training!
I hate it! I’m glad to finally get out of this town!
What kind of shut-in would enjoy a sudden jump cut to tiring every muscle you have every day!
I don't even think I've improved much at all!
Me and Otto have been sparring every day together so far. But every time we somehow end up tied. I don't know whether it's because I'm not getting any better or we’re both leveling at the exact same rate!
My relationship with Ari has been good too. I think I can proudly say I have made my first real friend through her. Every day she shows up
She bought me these new clothes and taught me how money works here.
It's pretty standard for how fantasy worlds go. Hundred copper is one silver, hundred silver is one gold, hundred gold is one diamond. The guild is paying us ten silver each for the expedition. That’s about the same as a thousand dollars in earth terms.
I've also been staying in the hospital since Medici kept wanting to watch me. Same room too.
I just realized, where's that laughing god?
Lycos was it?
Ever since our conversation in this room he’s completely disappeared from my view.
I wonder if gods have their own duties and jobs.
Man, imagine getting to be immortal and still needing a job.
I’d get bored real fast too.
Anyway today I’m doing something different from the normal training regime.
Ever since my conversation with Lycos one thing has been bugging me.
It's about time to finally address the big blue baboon in the room.
The fact that Lycos called me a god and I killed one myself.
Well, he technically used the wording of “stole the power of” but who cares about that.
I’m an immortal god now.
I wouldn’t believe it if it was just a random crazy person. But I saw it with my own eyes! He was not only floating, but he used something called “conjuring” to create that circle that made him vanish! He also knew I was from Earth, in fact, that child is responsible for putting me here in the first place!
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My feelings about it are pretty complicated. On one hand, I’m a god! Like you can't be unhappy about something like that. Throughout the entirety of human history, there were always powerful and rich people trying to achieve immortality and godhood. But I, a shut-in with no prospects beat them out by pure chance.
That soothes my ego in a way nothing else can. On the other hand, I have no idea how to be a god.
Like sure I won’t die by age but I can still be stabbed and starved right? I need to learn how to use my power to defend myself. Plus the god I killed was an archon, right? That sounds pretty important if you ask me. Even with what Lycos said about no one liking him, a sudden completely unknown human stealing his energy and becoming a god can’t be something to be ignored right?
Even if I decide to live in the mountains and lay low for eternity, someone somewhere is going to come after me eventually. So I might as well prepare now.
So the real question is where to start.
I guess when in doubt. Do cool poses!
Now, what would be a cool pose?
Ooooh, I know!
Wahhhhhh!
Take this
Take that
I am the mighty god Bell!
Fear me!
I am your god!
I god slayer Bell have come for your soul!
Mwahahahahahaaa!
Nope nothin. I had a feeling. Well, there's the boring option of just sitting there and thinking real hard can't hurt.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm
Mmmmmedititatee……
Now, imagine inside yourself holds near-infinite power.
Take your hand and slowly relax that energy through your hand.
Peace and quiet.
I said I need peace and quiet!
Ugh, it’s so loud outside.
I can barely concentrate.
Maybe if I hum loud enough I can get somewhere.
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Imagine every muscle in your body relaxing. From your foot to your head, one by one, inch by inch.
Take the energy inside yourself and put it to use somehow. I don’t want to destroy anything so anything like shooting beams of energy is not allowed. Something simple and nondestructive.
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How about some food. I really could use some food right now. There we go, imagine a burger…
Man, I can already taste the meat.
Just breath and let the power flow through you.
Just like that child god said.
It will all come naturally…
AH!
What was that!
“Oh, I’m sorry did I scare you? I don’t have a clue.”
Oh yeah.
I also figured out that she only really bothers with simple rhymes. Anything more complicated is a bit too high level for her.
Still, she's so sneaky. Didn't even hear her coming in.
Still, I’m not surprised she visited me.
She comes and checks on me every morning after visiting each of the other patients. You normally could hear her go from room to room either sing a song for them or tell a short story.
“Here before we go I want you to eat this. I made it when I was out in the wild and it somehow stayed fresh. I used something called a Poshi Berry as the main ingredient!”
Oh, she’s pulling it out of her little basket how cute!
It’s a pink muffin with a pink flower poked in at the top. Looks fine to me. If we’ve been in this city for a week and it looks like this I don’t see the harm in eating it.
Bombs away!
Munch
Oooooooo it’s so sweet. Almost too sweet actually. I never had much of a sweet tooth so it may just not be surprising.
Chewing on it, the texture is fine, nothing out of the ordinary of a regular one from earth. It cant be as easy to make one here then it was on Earth. Speaks to how good she is.
Overall: eight out of ten. Not perfect but better than average.
“Thank you, that was really good. Very sweet though.”
See! My social skills are getting better!
No more yes, no’s, and maybe so’s!
Still, it makes me happy to see her smile like that.
...
We’re on our way to the guild to get started on our jobs.
I’m honestly kinda excited.
My first expedition.
Grumble
Huh?
My stomachs growling?
What’s going on here?
Oh, man.
Oh no.
Oh no no no-no-no.
Not right now!
Oh god, it hurts.
Was that muffin cursed or something?
AAAHHH!
I feel like if I move too fast I will shit myself.
But if I also move too slow I will shit myself.
This is a gambit.
My only choice is to dash as fast as possible to the nearest bathroom.
Where is that?
There we go a boutique
That has a bathroom of some type right?
Let’s go!
A few minutes of pain later
Ugh, this is hell.
Might as well take a last-minute breather while I wait this out.
Not literally though.
This outhouse burns my nose.
I fear I may never get used to this.
Ari might be confused why I left her like that.
Ahh!!! Damn you, Ari!
This is because of that Poshi berry!
Don’t go grabbing random things in the wild and making food out of it!
This is survival 101!
Ugh…..
Now, what though…?
So what’s my goal here.
Why am I doing this?
I mean sure I have god powers now but am I really ready for all this?
I don’t have the noble soul for that kind of responsibility!
Just a month ago I was worried about whether the mark on my ass was a bedsore or a birthmark.
I’m not exactly worthy of anything.
I don't exactly have the balls to kill myself either.
My only option is to just live my life to the fullest and play my cards right.
No Regrets!
I just have to find a way to live in a way that makes my past self proud.
That means no more running away at the first sight of danger! Lady Luck has touched me and I must use this opportunity before I lose it.
I will grab the birds in the bushel!
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