I know I should be more … something, but between WayWocket's body and Gunnar’s story, I thought I had it hard. Still, Gunnar is a dick!

“Hey, Joan, we are ready to head off. Do you want us to wait for you?”

“No, I’m still going through my choices. I’ll meet you at the ball.”

She had choices? Wow, lucky. We are just getting told what to wear. “Sure thing, we will see you at four then.” What is with Affluent Road? Yes, rich man land. “So, have either of you two been to this bathhouse, um, The Mature Tulip? Hope it is not just filled with old guys wanting to fondle, well, yes...”

For the first time, Gunnar cracks a smile at me. “So, Lone, I mean Halfy, you, you—”

“Something wrong, Gunnar? Were you going to say 'Ah, Halfy, me boy, you know lots about being fondled?' or something like that?”

WayWocket drops and starts to roll around on the ground, laughing his head off. Gunnar, if anything, might be blushing, but under all the grime I can’t be sure. “Piss off, Lone. Yeah, I bet you like being fondled by old guys!” If it could happen, WayWocket laughs even harder. “Shut it, Way! Okay, Halfy, you won this round.”

Could not help laughing, having a few of these rich bastards looking at us now. “Come on, WayWocket, off the ground. Gunnar, you are right, I did win this one.”

This does not look like anything special, but it does have the two things I want: a good bath and some relaxation. These past few days have been like a turbulent storm. Being swept up in this and that was not my plan when I joined the Watch. But with all that bad, some good came of it. I am now in a real Charter. Did not think I would join up with something like the Rejects, but the name and some of the people sing to me. Now it is time for a good warm bath.

As we enter, it is another plain room with at least one woman and some of the largest guys I have seen since the Northern Colonies. “Excuse me, sirs, I think you three have the wrong establishment. The place you are looking for is just off the docks.” I know I look a little shabby, but by Jara’s mighty hammer, that is some judgement there. “If you do not leave, you will be escorted out.”

With that, those three guys start walking towards us. I wonder if I could exchange this credit letter for one of 'my' bathhouses at the docks. “Excuse you, madam, I was sent here by the Count himself.” Each one of the 'bouncers' stops in their tracks and a slip of a girl looks shocked. “I know my Adventuring companions, and I look a little road-weary, but it was my understanding that this was the finest bathhouse in all of Lake Merrin. Am I wrong?” I might be a Truth-born, but I hate being looked down on by others, and to be threatened with manhandling too!

“I'm sorry, um, sir.”

“The name is—”

“Bloody Abyssus, Halfy! Just give her the bloody credit letter from the Count!” Wow, liking Gunnar a lot less now. “If I have to clean up for this event, I don't want to stand around here all day!”

I hate you, Gunnar. “Here you go, miss. Sorry about my small, nasty friend.” Stick that up your nose! “Is there enough money for a clean and massage?”

She looks at the letter and frowns slightly. “I'm sorry, sir. If it was just one of you, yes, but three; the public bathing area is all these credit covers.”

“That will be fine, just have to be ready for the ball tonight. I am receiving the Iron Medal of Heroism.” I hope that sounded like an offhand comment. She does not look impressed. What is the use of this medal anyway? “Okay, show us the way. Is there a chance we could get a chilled jug of ale as well?”

“I think we could arrange that for you, sir. Follow me.”

Yay, cold ale. It has been hours since my last drink! Oh, my Trinity! This place, wow! Such beautiful women, scrubbing gross old men's backs. A sweat house; it has been ages since I used one of them. Just wondering how we are going to explain WayWocket's attachment.

“Live it up, lad! Might not be private but it’s a cut above most bathhouses you are used to!”

Thank you, random stranger, but why do you have to dry yourself like that? Gross. “Yes, thank you for that.” I lean into Gunnar—man, he really needs a bath! “What should we do about WayWocket?”

As I speak, WayWocket strips off all his clothes, and—what the Abyssus?—he looks normal. Completely normal. I am now staring at a naked Gnome.

“Well, he seems fine to me. What is your problem, Halfy? Like the look of Gnome bits, do ya?”

If I just stabbed him a bit, I am sure Stillwater wouldn't mind. Just ignore him, no point. I walk over to WayWocket and whisper, “Hey, Way.” He turns to me, and I cop another showing of the land down under. The scars are still there and a little extra. “This might be personal, but did you not have a copper pipe down there?”

He looks at me and smiles hugely because that is not creepy! He waves his hand in front of himself, and it just passes through his 'part'. “Life is an illusion, why not make illusion your life?”

Being flabbergasted was not the plan. “How? What?”

“With a pinch of imagination and a dash of energy—” His serious look is one that I would never expect from WayWocket. “—no disgusted look.”

“I did not mean to offend, it was just a shock at the tailor. What happened to you?” I inquire, not really wanting to know the reason.

“Do you really care, or just want to know how poor WayWocket got to be so frecked up! Excuse me, I need some medicine to wash this feeling away!”

He stomps off. Where are your balls?

“You know how to stick your foot in your mouth, don't you?” Before I send a retort back to Gunnar, I need a drink. Draining two cups of ale, my nerves are calmer. “It seems that you need some 'medicine' too, Halfy.”

“Piss off, Gunnar. I drink because I like it. I do not have some trumped-up problem like you and WayWocket.”

“What do you mean by that?” Gunnar growls.

“Where’s your kid, huh?” Taking another cup of ale. That feels good. “My mum dumped my sister and me at an orphanage. I never knew my father! And because they were both foreigners, I had to join the army to become a citizen of this great land, Favinonia. I was born here, but the law states that at least one parent needs to be Favinonian. Balderdash! At least your kid will not have to deal with that, because you are, you fricking dickhead!”

“Where do you get off talking to me like that, white-back? You’d be dead five times over if it wasn't for me. Yes, I did it for Stillwater, but you are so ungrateful! You think it was my choice that all my history happened? And thank you so much for bringing it up. If we didn't need you, I would be making this a little more lethal.”

In a blur, with glowing green hands, Gunnar lurches towards me. “Don't worry, Halfy, I’ll have someone clean you while you sleep.”

Ah, darkness, my old friend.