"It's gonna be okay" Michelle held me tightly as I cried on her shoulder.

"They told me to never come back Michelle." I sobbed.

"They're just mad. They'll get over it. They didn't mean it" She rubbed her hand up and down my back.

"And I can't even be mad at King because he was just embarrassed. I'm a fucking embarrassment. My brother hates me, Quincy hates me, my parents hate me. What the fuck did I do to deserve this?"

I couldn't even begin to wrap my head around everything that has happened over the span of two fucking days. I've been on OnlyFans for a year now but somehow within two days everybody in my life has found out about my little secret.

"It's all my fault. What's the fucking point anymore?"

"Unh unh don't talk like that" Michelle says to me, "You gotta understand where your parents are coming from. What parent in their right mind would be immediately be okay with their kid doing OnlyFans. You just gotta give them a chance to come around. And Quincy, girl fuck him. It's too many niggas in this world to be upset about one. If he don't want you oh fucking well, there's plenty of niggas that do"

"I'm going to sleep" I said standing up from the couch. I wasn't even sleepy but I knew if I stayed awake I'd just find a way to make myself even more sad. I walked into my bedroom and went over to the bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed my melatonin pills. I swallowed down three pills and went back into the bedroom. I stripped out of my clothes and just laid down in the bed.

I laid there in the dark, staring up at ceiling, just waiting on the melatonin to kick in. Once it did, I was out like a light.

I woke up in the middle night thirsty as fuck. I tried to get up to get water but my body wouldn't move. Oh shit, here we go. I tried to keep my breathing steady because I already knew what was happening but somehow I still managed to panic.

It felt like there was a weight on my chest and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move or speak I was just stuck. It felt like I was suffocating which made me start panicking even more. I hadn't had one of these in months and it's still just as terrifying as it was months ago.

I began to wiggle my toes trying to gain mobility in my body again. I began to squirm trying to fight my way out of it.

I screamed once I finally got out. I sat up and began to pant loudly, trying to catch my breath.

"You good?" Michelle questioned bursting into my room turning on the light. I could tell I had woken her up out of her sleep.

"Yeah, I'm okay" I replied still breathing heavily. "You can go back to bed"

"Yeah I'm laying with you tonight. You're worrying me" She says stepping inside closing the door behind her.

"It was just the sleep paralysis. I'm fine" I replied.

"Yeah okay. Whatever you say" She turned off the light and climbed into the bed next to me. We turned our backs to each other and went back to sleep.

***

"Thanks" I said to Tyler as he handed me the Apple bag from behind the desk.

"Why couldn't you go yourself?"

"My car is in the shop. I appreciate it though. What's your cash app?" I asked "I'll give you gas money"

I couldn't go the whole day without a phone and Michelle had to work so she couldn't take me to buy a new one. So I ordered one online and asked Tyler to pick it up for me before his shift.

"Nah it's cool. Don't worry about it" He replied. "How ya been? You look a little rough"

"Wow thanks Tyler. You sure know how to make a woman feel good" I said sarcastically.

"I ain't mean it like that" He laughs shaking his head, "You just look like you've been crying. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah I'm good. Thanks for asking" I replied "I'll talk to you later" I replied and walked over to the elevator.

"If you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here"

"Ok" I nodded my head and stepped onto the elevator. I went back upstairs to the apartment and sat down on my bed to set up my phone. As soon as I set everything up the first person I called was my dad. It rang a few times before I was sent to voicemail. I then called my mom and the call went straight to voicemail.

"Cool" I said to myself and tossed my phone to the side. I heard a knock at the front door so I went to get it. I opened the door and it was King.

"Shouldn't you be at school?" I asked confused looking at the time on my apple watch.

"Yeah, I left though. I needed to come and talk to you" He said.

"Great, another thing for them to hate me for" I rolled my eyes "Paris you're interfering with your brothers education? Are you fucking dumb" I said mimicking my mom's voice. I walked into the living room and King stepped inside closing the door behind him.

"I had to apologize for last night. That shit been on my mind all night"

"It's cool" I replied.

"I was just mad at the muhfuckas at school calling you a hoe and shit and I took it out on you when I should've been defending you." He says sitting down on the other end of the couch.

"If I was in your shoes I would've been embarrassed too. It's all good." I told him, "How did you just leave school?"

"I got suspended"

"The fuck did you do?" I frowned throwing a pillow at him.

"I got into a fight."

"King" I sighed "What happened?"

"These dudes was talking about you so I told them like yall horny, no pussy getting asses paying to see her when it's muhfuckas posting shit for free. Then people got to instigating and they felt shitty and wanted to fight"

"Yup they're definitely gonna keep disowning me now" I rolled my eyes.

"I'm sorry it went down like that. I'm gonna talk to them tonight about it. I honestly didn't expect them to react that way at all. I should've just kept it between us"

"King you don't have to apologize. They were gonna find out sooner or later"

"Yeah but I still feel shitty as hell. Our relationship is better than that. I feel fake as fuck, I should've just heard you out"

"Yeah I didn't expect you to involve them once you called for dad I knew you was pissed off"

"Of course I was pissed. You're my sister and I want the best for you. I get it, you wanna be independent but it's other ways to make your own money"

"Hold up" I went into my bedroom to grab my Macbook. I went back into the living room and sat down next to him. I pulled up my account and went to statements. "Look" I said pointing to my monthly earnings number.

"I- how do I sign up?" He asked grabbing my laptop "Bro aint no way yo ugly ass made this much"

"Bank account looking real heavy" I laughed grabbing my Macbook and closing it.

"Ya boy cool with you being on here?"

"Nah he broke up with me" I replied and he just starts to laugh. I stared at him confused.

"Oh you was dead ass. Damn my fault" King chuckled.

"I hate you" I laughed rolling my eyes. I was so happy that he came by. I could feel myself slowly drifting into a dark state and he really just brightened my day.

"Does that mean I can't play 2k with him anymore?"

"You be playing 2k with him?"

"Yeah we've played a few times. He cool as hell but fuck him if y'all not together"

"You can play 2k with him as long as you win every time. You can't be taking no L's" I laughed.

"I gotchu" He chuckled. "Well let me get home so I can clean up the house. I'm already knowing the principal called" King laughs standing up from the couch.

"Okay, drive safe" I said standing up from the couch. He gives me a big hug before I walked him to the door. I went back into my room and grabbed my phone.

I opened the message thread between Q and I. I stared at the keyboard debating on whether or not I should text him. One part of me said fuck no and another part of me knew I needed to put my pride aside.

I closed out of iMessage and went on instagram. I went to his page to see if he posted anything on his story but he didn't. I scrolled through his following and found Jalen's instagram. I clicked on his story and saw that him and Q were hooping together last night but that was it. I clicked on my page and decided to go to Sydney's page. She followed me so it was pretty easy to find her account. I tapped through her story and her most recent made my heart sink.

I sat there in shock just staring at the picture. I could feel my eyes begin to water but I quickly snapped out of it. "Oh fuck no!" I exclaimed and quickly called Michelle. I knew she was at work but the bitch was going to have to answer my call. I kept calling her over and over until she answered.

"You better be fucking dying!" Michelle said.

"Bitch go check your instagram!" I replied. She put me on pause and I waited for her reaction.

"OH FUCK NO!" She yelled.

"I fucking told you!" I yelled.

"Brooooo. I never would've thought he was like that.. Woooow. I'm fucking shook" Michelle said.

"I can't fucking believe him. Literally if it was any other bitch I would not care. But her! His fucking ex! The bitch he told me not to worry about?!"

"She knew exactly what she was doing too. That fucking smug ass look on her face" Michelle says.

"I'm finna call him"

"No the fuck you aren't" Michelle said coming to the camera.

"Yes the fuck I am"

"No bitch you can't call him. He's single remember? He can do whatever and whomever he wants. It's bogus as fuck that he back with his ex but still, he can do that. You just gotta boss up on his ass. Fuck him."

"You're right. Fuck him!"

"You don't need him!" Michelle said.

"I don't fucking need him!" I repeated

"And if it makes you feel better, he looks miserable as fuck in that picture" Michelle laughed. "Awe shit here come my manager. I gotta go"

She hung up the phone and the picture appeared on my screen again.

That nigga really gaslighted me. I stared at the picture for a few seconds before I started to cry.