Keep an open mind reading this chapter!

Aimee x

Mom and Dad were red-blooded Americans in many respects, but they never could make peace with this holiday. Still, Thanksgiving break remained a convenient opportunity to visit home and catch up with my hometown friends.

On Saturday before I was due to return to college—Dad would drive me back to Halston Sunday afternoon—my best friend from high school, Stefanie, invited me to a party. Stef was among the handful of people I kept in touch with from high school. And it was quite literally a handful; I could count them on one hand.

At the party, she immediately hopped to mingling with the social circle she'd never left. I drifted through the rooms of the house, dazedly inspecting the family photographs on the wall. Even though nothing stopped me from consuming more—Stef was the designated driver for the night—I had decided to only drink enough to feel a light buzz.

In the upstairs hallway, a photograph caught my eye.

A familiar school field, filled with chairs and strung with a banner between each post of the football goal at the nearer end to the staging. Our graduation day.

There stood a tall boy with flat-ironed hair, with his family, in the black and blue robes of our senior class. His bright smile against dark skin shone in every picture.

My eyes widened. This was Levi's house, and I hadn't even noticed till now. Did Stef know?

Of course she knew, I chastised myself. Why didn't she warn me?

"Don't hold my high school hairstyle against me," a deep, friendly voice came from behind me. I jolted and turned around to see Levi watching me, hands in his pockets. My breath caught in my chest. "I'm different now."

"Aren't we all?"

He tilted his head towards his shoulder when he shrugged. He drew a thoughtful sip of beer. "I suppose so."

His once-spiky hair was now unstyled, cropped short to his scalp. Levi's hair was not the only thing that had changed. Back in high school, he'd always worn scuffed sneakers and band t-shirts, very much playing up to the scene kid stereotype. Now he looked like an adult, with comfortable green cargo pants and a white shirt that hugged his biceps.

"It's good to see you, Vee. How's life treating you?"

"Ha! I haven't heard that nickname in—"

"Four years?" Levi's warm brown eyes twinkled at me. The sounds of the party continued below the second-floor landing where we stood, but I paid them no mind.

"Yeah. Thereabouts. I'm good. Studying Pre-Med and self-medicating with alcohol when I can," I half-joked. "What have you been up to since graduation?"

"I got a job as an electrician's apprentice. Been working my way up through the company since then. Boss is really nice. He treats us like family."

"That's very sweet." I stepped away from the photographs to pause next to Levi, leaning against the wall. "I'm glad you're doing okay."

In high school, all the girls had had a crush on either Levi or his best friend in high school. I was not an exception, entertaining a brief infatuation between dating Khan and dating Max.

I'd played on the table tennis team, which had a grand total of four members. Levi was the captain of the basketball team, but he was down-to-earth and friendly to everyone. Because our basketball team was fairly successful, they took precedence when vying for gym time. They got to practise for an hour and a half after school, and table tennis got a measly half-hour after that, just before the custodian locked it up.

Whenever I couldn't concentrate on studying, I'd watch Levi from the bleachers.

I never thought he'd noticed me back, let alone picked up my nickname from anyone.

"Thanks. I'm glad for you, too," Levi replied kindly. "Everyone talks about you, how you really came out of your shell since high school, how you're going to become a hot-shot doctor. How you glowed up."

I scoffed immediately. "No-one says that."

Sure, I considered my current appearance to be an upgrade from my braces and long, perpetually braided hair, but I wasn't that undesirable in high school either. I had the occasional computer club member or AP Calculus classmate fall for me, as well as three juvenile relationships.

"You're right," he cringed, taking another swill. "That was a really bad line. I'm nervous."

"Why? You've known me all your life."

"But you're different now."

"Am I?"

I was.

Going to college opened my eyes to the breadth of the world. It opened my eyes to my own abilities; my drive to go as far as I needed to make healthcare better serve the public. Across decades and continents. I hadn't realised how far my goals and ambitions stretched.

Until I was suddenly back in our sleepy, traffic-less suburb a fair way outside the Boston CBD, reminiscing on the high school crush that I thought might kill me with its intensity.

High school hadn't been a bad time—for me, at least. Our athletes were good-natured, and our academics were beloved. We had snooty cheerleaders, but they were self-aware of it and called each other out on it. Stef was a cheerleader, as well as the biggest anime nerd—courtesy of me, introducing her to her first series.

Levi had never left our suburb. He got an apprenticeship in an industry that hinted at becoming lifelong, and I wondered how I looked from my high school peers' point of view. I was one of the few that went on to college. My Instagram feed filled up with the revealing outfits and nights on the town that I was never allowed to have as a teenager. I made connections, led committees and applied to med schools across the country.

Did they have to crane their necks to look at me now?

Levi asked, with a hint of nostalgia, "You don't miss Boston all that much, do you?"

I sighed, falling silent and still.

Waxing nostalgic about high school when I hadn't even graduated college yet was ironic, I knew, but it truly felt like so long ago. Walking around the familiar streets of the city, Aaron's small hand clutched in mine, felt like putting on an old, faded sweater with moth holes. It still smelled good, but fit too tightly for comfort.

"I have a hard time missing places," I answered at length. "The people that matter, I take with me. In my heart."

"The rest get left behind?"

His hand, resting at his side, nudged mine. I dragged my gaze from his family photographs to look at his handsome face. What I would have given to have him look at me like that five years ago. Now it was just another night, another house party.

"Not all of them."

Levi's smile was as gentle—fragile and precious—as mine when he leaned in.

On Sunday evening, I was back in Halston like I'd never left.

The first order of business was throwing my mountain of laundry into a machine in the basement, and the second order of business was chilling with Riley and Krista in their bedroom waiting for the cycle to finish.

For the first time, Jamie was the one to initiate a meeting through text.

I knew what that meant. But there was something I had to do first.

I disconnected my phone from Riley's Bluetooth speaker and slid from Krista's bed to my feet. "I gotta go," I lied, heading for the door. "Laundry is finished."

Riley nodded, "See you later."

Krista didn't glance up from madly typing out scripts of C++ code, but her voice was warm when she said, "Bye, Viv."

Slipping out of their dorm, I immediately saw Jamie a few doors down, waiting for me.

"Hey, stranger."

"How was Thanksgiving?" he asked, a calm smile on his face.

Uneventful, I almost said, but then I realised...

"I have something to tell you." I did my best to smother the sharp twisting in my stomach. This time, its cause was not medical.

Jamie's demeanour straightened immediately, the way his vertebrae stacked on top of each other like rigid building blocks, the sudden firm set of his jaw making me more agitated.

"What is it?"

I remained silent while he stepped in. While he shed his sneakers—because I hated people wearing outside shoes inside. While I stalled—

Darn. I just had to say it.

"I slept with someone. Yesterday. Slash this morning."

The lull in time that followed felt like freefall.

Like weightlessness before utter destruction. My gut tensed in preparation for a harsh return to earth. Jamie's eyes narrowed, and he dropped his head.

His irises looked cracked, shards where there was once a whole gem. He'd tried to hide that from me by looking away, but I saw all too well. He'd missed me, even though I'd only been gone for four days. And I had... I'd...

I had to tell him everything before we fell back into the sheets. Not only in terms of safe sex but because he was my friend. I felt that he deserved to know.

"Why?"

Turning the question over in my mind, I zipped my mouth shut. I thought back to the Thanksgiving party.

Why had I slept with Levi?

Was it a last-chance effort to live out my high school fantasies? No. It wasn't like I'd been harbouring Vee's unrequited crush for years and years; I hadn't thought to finally make Levi mine, albeit for a night. My feelings for him were well and truly dead—grown, flourished and withered long ago. Of my many regrets about the past, Levi was not one of them. It was decidedly better to have left him as an illusion than to become eventually disillusioned.

So had it been another one-night-stand? No. Remembering Levi's careful, attentive hands and adoring eyes, it would have been a disservice to call him just a drunken one-night-stand. Granted, I had been drinking and I knew it would be a singular affair. But I hadn't needed to be hammered to do it, didn't pierce him with invasive questions to see if he was good enough. He was an old friend. I trusted him.

Did I just want to put on the old sweater again, soak in its familiarity—if not its quality—enjoy the scratchy stitching, comforting smell and well-placed moth holes?

Maybe. I felt a certain pull to him that night, nothing romantic or sexual. It was like... like if you saw the painted handprint on the wall you'd made as a toddler. You didn't just walk by without touching it, running your fingers over it, seeing how much you'd grown, even if this wasn't your life anymore.

Perhaps my actions were an amalgamation of all those reasons. Perhaps it was none of those things at all—did sex need a reason outside of its own merit? Maybe to others, but not to me. I was long done justifying that.

And yet... I knew what Levi was.

A shield. Armour to protect me from the strange, unwanted feelings that had started creeping up on me as of late. When Jamie told me a fairytale, when his hands wandered nowhere but my spine and my soul, when we made dumb jokes together on the precipice of sleep. My mattress turned to shifting sands and my duvets to roaring wind whenever he was near, leaving me needy and confused and lost.

I was not ready to feel that way again.

I was not ready to make a memory out of him.

I was not ready to have another failed relationship. Especially not with Jamie. If something happened and I lost him—

I drew the shield between us. "I don't know why."

Five seconds of quiet. Drawing out between us like synthetic polymers. "Who?" he whispered, not meeting my eyes.

So I told Jamie everything, about the table tennis team and the basketball team and Stef and Levi's house party.

"Do you still have feelings for him?"

"Of course not," I said truthfully. "He's a thing of my past."

"Oh, really? I might be mistaken, but it seems he's still making very recent appearances."

I didn't like the way Jamie stared down at me—despite sitting on the edge of my bed—so I stood to match him. I crossed my arms. "What is that tone for?"

Last I checked, he didn't like me like that.

We began this non-exclusive friends-with-benefits affair just so we could avoid the jealousy and attachment that came with dating while scratching our sexual itches. If something had changed in Jamie since then, if he no longer agreed with my terms, I was giving him the chance to say so now.

The chance to get out early.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know why. Just... I think I need some space from you."

I bit down the bark of protest that arose in the back of my throat. From a logical point of view, that sounded wise. Jamie could work through his odd—maybe hormone-induced?—possessiveness, and I could try my best to freeze the soft spot that had been growing in my heart for him.

"That's convenient. We can't really do anything for another two weeks anyway."

It was stipulated in the contract, but Jamie still looked confused. His brows furrowed. "What?"

"Article three?" I reminded him. My voice was shaky, for some reason. "The procedure for non-exclusivity? I'll have to wait for two weeks for any potential symptoms to show up anyway, before I can get a test."

Levi and I had briefly discussed our sexual history with each other, and I couldn't imagine him being dishonest with me. But I was always careful with this, a stringent habit I couldn't—and didn't particularly want to—break. There was a delay between sex and the appearance of STI symptoms, so I was planning to take a break from Jamie for two weeks regardless of what he decided.

That was for the best.

When Jamie had shown up to help me through my pain, equipped with a hot water bottle and nothing else, I'd felt something. Something like unfurling, thawing. Something terrifying. I fervently hoped it wouldn't lead anywhere further, but then Levi had happened.

All of a sudden, I remembered opening my eyes after, catching Levi's deep brown irises. His musky, vanilla scent. My body had yearned for green and clementines, miles and miles away. I seldom felt regret after sleeping with a man—largely due to my rigorous screening process—but at the time, I had come extremely close to it.

At the time. After Levi. That was the closest I'd been to regret, and not because of any failing on Levi's part. He was kind and considerate, exactly like he'd been in high school. But now, bitter regret filled my mouth. It made the corners of my throat sting.

The regret sharpened further, almost to guilt, though I'd done nothing wrong, looking upon Jamie's stony face. He inhaled and tried to calm himself. I stared down at the carpet.

Yes, Levi happened, and I only knew regret in his wake. Because I only knew in his wake these two things: whose eyes I preferred waking up to, where once I had no preference. And that hurting Jamie meant hurting myself, where once I thought myself invincible.

Now his tormented eyes were driving a dagger into my heart, no shield, no armour, to be found.

Something about him made me vulnerable and I needed to sort it out. I needed to get back to that invincibility, that safety of apathy.

Jamie popped into my head when I was with other men. I cared about his irrational hurt. I even nearly felt guilty for making him feel this way, as if it was my responsibility to look after his emotional state. Not good. Not good at all. These emotions were dangerously monogamous, serious-relationship, girlfriend-like and I needed them gone.

"Oh. Right. The contract." Jamie attempted a smile, but it was so forced that it looked like a sneer. "The most important thing."

I nodded, keeping my fists clenched at my side. A powerful urge to reach for him, and comfort him, swept over me but I knew I shouldn't. Neither of us needed the extra confusion. Our boundaries were literally written on paper for us.

Friends who have sex. That's all I could do for him.

I walked over to the door, holding it open for Jamie. "I'll message you the results when they come through," I said lightly.

Jamie huffed as he walked past me. His lingering scent made my breath catch, my head spin, my heart squeeze.

He didn't turn around as he said, "Sure thing," and disappeared into the hallway.

Commitment means death to Viv, lol.

She's got a lot of character development still to do in terms of trust and vulnerability, but remember that she and Jamie only agreed to sex - and not even exclusively. She was honest immediately with him, and took the right steps to protect them both.

I feel like I shouldn't have to even write this but, sadly, women characters on WP get treated way harsh for the same behaviour that is rewarded on men; cocky, brash, blunt, dominant, sexual.

While writers don't need to like all of their characters, personally I love Viv and I hope you do, too. She's a baddie.

Please vote, comment and follow if you're enjoying the story!

Aimee x