《The Lost One》Chapter 12
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It was two am. Kaiden couldn't know why exactly he was so sure but he was. His eyes slowly opened to the dark interior of the dank motel room. He really hated less than five stars. There wasn't many times in his life when he had taken advantage of his family's incredible wealth. In fact ever since he was sixteen and able to start taking his rightful roles both within the pack and his father's multiple multi-national companies he had prided himself on paying his own way and not relying on his father's fortune to support himself. He had actually had quite the knack for the corporate and financial world and even in just a few short years had amassed his own substantial net-wealth. Still he tried to never let it get to him, working and training as hard as any of his men, however he drew a line at hotel rooms. And after this night he knew he had been smart in that life-long decision, if it wasn't five stars he wasn't staying in it, never again. God his back was a mess. Was there even a mattress on this damn frame?!
Pushing through his irritation Kaiden wiped the last of the fog from his brain, finally realizing what must have happened. His mate had woken up and after the scare of last night his wolf had stayed alert tonight watching for her consciousness. Slowly rising up onto his elbows he was surprised to see her up and sitting on his bed.
When he had finally crawled into the second bed after having Clay relieve him of his watch at around midnight, she had been curled asleep on the other bed. Olivia sprawled on the other side after his mate had placed a row of pillows down the middle of the mattress. Kaiden almost let out another chuckle as he remembered the poor women's confusion, she had no idea what to make of the mystery of his mate. Richard had bedded down on the floor, until his turn at watch around 4. While, Aus, Blair and Clay took turns in the second room.
Running a hand through his midnight black hair Kaiden looked at his mate. She was once again wearing his way to large black t-shirt over a pair of his boxers. The sight had him instantly hard and he had to work hard to push the flair of instant desire down. Taking a deep inhale of her scent he tried to calm himself, it would help no one if he jumped her in the middle of the night with two other people only a few feet away. Her hair was down although it now had a soft wave to it from her sleeping on the silky strands, and her face had the slightest flush from her sleepy state. Kaiden had to force a growl down as he eyed her, it wasn't helping that he was overly aware that they were on a bed together, and he couldn't help the images the thought woke up in him.
For her part Aislinn didn't seem overly bothered with her proximity to him or their lack of suitable clothing. Kaiden nearly lost it when he finally dragged his gaze from her face to the sight of her long bare legs crossed and tucked under her. Trying to focus he wondered what she needed. Last night she had awoken and wanted to eat. He tried to remember how much fruit they had left from the groceries Clay and Blair had grabbed.
"Hey love." he spoke gently not wanting to startle her or wake the others. He wanted this moment with her all to himself if he could. Slowly he pushed himself up further until his back rested on the headboard. The light sheet he had thrown over himself fell down revealing his toned and broad chest. He felt his heart and pride soar as he watched his mate take in his naked chest for the first time. She didn't show any reaction but the fact that she had noticed that fact, had taken an interest in his body made his heart leap. Did this mean that she recognized who he was to her? Did she feel the pull between them? Was she attracted to him? Kaiden hated to admit weakness. And fear was always seen as a weakness, both in pack life and the corporate world. But this late at night in the dark to himself, he would admit there was a small part of himself that was terrified that his mate's lake of reaction and affection was a lack of interest of recognition. That she could ignore any need to physically be near him had planted a seed of doubt, what if she didn't feel the mate bond? Didn't feel the pull to him? Would she be able to leave him? Reject him?
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Pushing his fears back he tried to focus on her sitting in front of him. Allowing the image of her looking at his bare chest to soothe a bit of that fear. He hoped she wasn't scared or embarrassed that he had caught her. He never wanted her to be embarrassed with him. Him, his body it was hers as much as she was his. There was no one who could look at him like she could, the moment he had scented her he was hers and she was his completely. Infinitely. Not knowing how much she felt or understood about this world he offered her a soft smile when her eyes finally pulled back up to his face.
Relief and fear warred in him when her still hooded eyes found his again. Relief that he didn't find a trace of shame or embarrassment within them and fear that he couldn't catch a trace of excitement or arousal either. Trying to remind himself that he wasn't the focus right now and that it was her needs not his that were important he spoke again.
"Are you hungry? We can try and find something if you aren't happy with what's left." Giving her a moment to react, assuming if that was what she wanted she would simply go to the car he relaxed back against the headboard when she remained still. Letting his muscles go his eyelids closed slightly as he decided to simply take in her presence and let her decide if she wanted something from him. He had faith in his little mate, if she needed something or wanted it she would find a way to get it or let him know what it was.
After a few minutes of silence Kaiden caught his breathe, he was instantly thankful that he had been watching her so closely or else he may have jumped and scared her at her slight movement. Her eyes still glued to his face she had picked up her hand and reached towards him. Her hand froze, hanging in the air a foot from her body. Her skin was so pale in the dark, smooth and unblemished her fingers, and wrists so delicate they seemed to Kaiden to be spun from glass. He was entranced by the thin elegant lines of her fingers, the soft graceful curve of her tiny wrist and the long lean arm that peeked from beneath his shirt. He never thought he could be turned on by a women's arm and wrist. He was wrong. So danm wrong.
She was going to be the death of him. It was simple as that. There was no way he would survive a life where she couldn't be his completely and utterly. The space between their bodies was suffocating him. His body was instantly on fire with a consuming need for her, and all she had done was lift up her arm and reach towards him. He was a fucking dead man.
Ignoring, or at least trying to ignore his traitorous bodies reactions to her presence, Kaiden fought his every instinct staying absolutely still, not letting himself visibly react in the slightest as her hand continued to hang in the air.
Watching her face. Holding her spectacularly mysterious grey eyes Kaiden held his breath as he willed that hand to keep going. To reach for him. To want him. To close the space between them.
Kaiden was actually astounded. He hadn't expected something like this, even if she didn't move another inch he was floored. After everything he had seen and heard he hadn't thought he would see anything like this from her for months if not years. For her to even contemplate touching him, reaching for him after how she reacted to Olivia's touch only hours ago, blew him away. His heart soared and he felt tears prick the back of his lids as he watched his mate in astonishment.
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He swore to himself that he would not feel an ounce of disappoint or regret when she pulled her hand back. He would never make her feel that she was anything less than the absolutely perfect wonderful gift that she was. He would never let her feel that she was anything but exactly what he wanted, her pace, her wants, her needs whatever they were those were all that mattered to him now. And he refused to let her feel or believe anything less. In fact he realized that he wasn't having to even convince himself of any of this, he could see it in his head; when her hand would fall back to her lap, when the chance that she would touch him was gone, the expected spike of disappoint was absent instead all he could imagine feeling would be a wash of awe and gratitude at the trust and faith that his little mate had placed in him in such a short amount of time.
He let his body relax realizing that right now all she needed from him was to be there. He gave into the moment letting all of the power and control flow to her, letting her decide what happened next and when.
Her hand still held frozen in the air, she seemed to be studying him, as if waiting for him to do something. He smiled at her gently, wanting to speak but also wanting her to realize the power she held between them on her own. Being told you have power, and feeling it and finding it yourself were two very different things. Even Kaiden could see past enough of her hard protective shell to see that for a large portion of her life she had been utterly powerless, her hesitancy spoke clearly. Anger shot through him at the thought of what she must have suffered before she came into his life. He swore to himself and to her that he would do everything in his power to make sure nothing ever touched her again, she would never feel powerless again even if it cost him his life.
Aislinn didn't know what she wanted. She was angry. Angry at this man. Angry at fate. Angry at Richard. She had had a plan. It was simple and easy, she knew who she was in the plan, what she was. She knew what she felt and what she wanted, and now? Now they had ruined it all. She didn't know anything anymore. It was all confused. She didn't want to be what these other people would want. She didn't want to know about them, to think about them, and she definitely didn't want to care about them. And yet her she was, sitting on a bed with him. It was infuriating. He was infuriating. Why did he have to wake up?
She was fine when he was sleeping. She could watch him and hate him. But now? Now looking into his piercing clear blue eyes she felt all of her anger and hatred slipping away. She didn't want this. She wanted to scream, to hit things, destroy things, curse fate and the goddess. Curse everything that had decided to tie her down once more. How dare they!? How dare they decide that she should be forced to love again? To feel. To care.
She didn't want it. Any of it. And yet, here sat her mate. Beautiful. Powerful.
Gorgeous. And she was powerless to hate him.
She really, really, really hated fate.
If she wasn't so deep into her safe space, hidden within the walls of her mind in the deepest part of her consciousness Aislinn was sure she would have literally melted as the sheet slipped off of his chest. The sculpted muscle and tanned skin was enough to make even the hardest women weep. She cursed internally again, her fury rising this time at herself as she felt herself reacting to a male for the first time in her life. She didn't want to want him, hell she barely even wanted him at all. What was happening to her?
Of course growing up, before happened, she had been regaled by the stories about mates and love. She would fall asleep listening to talk about the man who would steal her heart, who would dim every other male, man or wolf, before her eyes for all of eternity. She could vaguely remember the small girl who couldn't wait for the love, the man that would claim her and that would be all hers, the little girl so ready for love so trusting of the promises of fate. A fate that was supposed to promise her a path of happiness and joy, that would lead her to the one person destined to cherish and love and be loved by her above all others. But then had happened and that little girl, and all her fairytales had been utterly and completely destroyed.
Dreams, hopes, love. They were nothing but weaknesses. Torturous devices used to tear you apart. Break you until you were nothing. Mates did not exist in the time after . Love and kindness were so alien they no longer even existed in her mind. The words erased until she couldn't even think them. Only her time with Richard had begun to pull them back to the surface, but even then they were merely words. Ideas, where the meaning and hope ... the magic of them was still lost. Forgotten with the little girl she had buried all those years ago.
Until now.
She panicked when her hand moved. Shock so thick filled her as soon as she registered the movement, her arm freezing in the air. Her mind raced as she tried to figure out what had happened.
Had she actually moved to touch him?
Moved to feel the smooth skin of his broad and powerful chest?
The black walls, the thick impenetrable blocks she had fought so long to build were threatening to close over her mind at the thought. Only the clear crystal blue of his eyes holding hers kept her in the room with him. She felt the safety of the blackness calling her, fighting against the pull of that calming blue. She didn't know which to follow. What if she went against her normal response and stayed in his blue depths only to have him reach out and grab her? What if he knew she had wanted to touch him? He could use it, that weakness, that want, that reaction. Weakness always brought pain. Wanting comfort, desiring touch was a promise of horrendous and inescapable pain and punishment. Why would she want to be anywhere but the blackness for that? Why was one part of her crying that she should fight the safety of the black abyss?
She was so confused, her mind and heart ripping and falling as panic and terror flooded her. Her hand still hovering in the air not knowing how he would want her to proceed. He wasn't the other men. She knew what they would want. Her mind shuttered again, threating to collapse at the thought, but this man was new. She didn't know what he would want, what he would do. Not knowing is dangerous. You had to know, always know, that was the only way to stay alive. Know what they want. What they would do. When to go to the black.
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