Parted lips. Eyes fixed on the ceiling.

Tears fall down from my eyes as I take all of him.

I never thought it would be like this. I was expecting him to be gentle. I was expecting him to make love to me and not just have pure sex. I was...I was hoping he'd treat me better... the way I deserved to be treated.

As I let him do me, my moans and cries merged into one. It was a painful fuck. He's a beast, the most ruthless man I ever knew.

I gripped on his arms when he thrust deep and rough that I can hear the bed moving. I can hear the sounds of our bodies. I almost scream when he shifts my position, making me lie on my stomach and make my back face him. Only half of my body was lying on the bed, while the lower part was elevated.

I groaned painfully when he violently grasp a handful of my hair before slamming himself inside me. A new set of tears began to pool in my eyes as I chose to bury my face on the pillow, crying.

Wala na akong pakialam kung ma-realize niya na umiiyak ako.

It's painful down there. I just gave my virginity to him, but what's more in pain right now was my heart. He always has the best way to shatter my heart into pieces.

I gripped the bed sheet when I felt my stomach twisting. No matter how I tried to search for it, I couldn't find it. I felt so weak, until I felt his body tense and release all his load inside me.

Nanginginig ang katawan na bumagsak ako sa kama habang siya naman ay umalis sa pwesto at dumeretso sa cr. Maybe he's taking a shower now to clean himself up, dahil dinig na dinig ko ang lagaslas ng tubig.

The effect of the alcohol left me as I cried more. Even if I wasn't really that drunk, I know what I did. Ginusto kong ibigay ang sarili ko sa kaniya. Manhid na manhid ang katawan ko, at nanatili sa panginginig habang hindi pa rin maawat ang pagkawala ng mga luha ko.

Basang basa ang mukha na sinubukan kong bumangon. Pinulot ko ang mga damit at isa-isa iyong sinuot. Mula sa liwanag ng lamshade, I saw blood stain on the bed sheet. Anger rose in my face as I immediately pulled it. Bumubuhos ang mga luha na pinagtatapakan ko iyon at marahas na hinila patungo sa basurahan.

Lumabas ako ng kwarto at umiiyak na nagtungo sa kabila upang doon matulog. Pagkasara ko pa lang nang pinto ay unti-unti na akong napaupo sa sahig habang umiiyak. I badly want to stop, but I can't.

I gave him everything I had. Wala nang natitira sa akin. Kahit ang respeto ko para sa sarili ko. Gusto kong matawa sa malaking katangahang ginawa ko pero hindi ko na iyon mababawi. Hindi ko na rin pwedeng pagsisihan. I deserve this pain.

Bakit kasi sa dami nang mamahalin ko ay siya pa? Bakit hindi ko na siya magawang iwan? Bakit ayoko nang umalis?

Damn girl, it's alright.

Stay for a while.

You can make it.

Malalagpasan mo rin ito.

You love him, be patient... okay?

Calm down.. just make him feel you love him. Baka naman.. isang araw. He'll finally treat you right. He'll love you more than you love him. Just don't give up on him.

I tried to calm and comfort myself in that dark room.

I choose to forgive him for the pain he caused me tonight.

I choose to forgive him for not being gentle with me.

I choose to forgive him for spoiling the first time that was supposed to be special and precious to me.

I'm fine. I am Divecca Marianne Dankworth. Isang Dankworth. And we never give up so easily.

I will forgive the apology I never had.

After chasing my tears away, I chose to lie down on the bed. Ramdam ko pa rin ang sakit ng anit ko at katawan, lalo na ng sandaling lumapat ang likod ko sa malambot na kama. At dahil na rin siguro sa pagod sa ka-iiyak ay unti-unti na rin akong dinalaw ng antok.

Kinabukasan ay gumising ako na parang walang nangyari. Na parang hindi ako umiyak. Na parang hindi nawasak ang puso ko ng paulit-ulit. I even prepared us a breakfast and waited for Hunter to go down. Nang makita siyang pababa na habang sinusuot ang necktie niya ay kaagad ko siyang nilapitan. I swallowed all the pain and embarrassment I was feeling as I blocked him. Mukhang nagulat siya ng bahagya ngunit agad ding nawala iyon.

"Good morning? Nagluto ako ng breakfast natin. Maaga pa naman at wala kang meetings." hawak ko schedule niya dahil ako ang nag-ayos noon kaya kabisado ko kung ano ang mga gagawin niya o kung may appointment ba siya.

"I am going to have breakfast with Amari. You can eat your breakfast, just don't be late..." I was stunned for a moment. Huli na para mahabol ko siya at mapilit dahil nakalabas na siya ng bahay.

I searched for the ring on my hand and played it. I am trying to calm and comfort myself. Mag-isa akong kumain, and with the idea that he's having breakfast and enjoying it with Amari makes it hard for me to swallow, so in the end. Hindi rin ako nakakain ng marami. Umalis na lang ako at piniling magtrabaho ng hindi na inaalala kung anong oras niya balak pumasok.

Marahan ang naging pagkilos ko dahil masakit pa rin ang katawan ko. It was nine in the morning when Hunter entered his office, and I just pretended I was busy. Ngunit ang totoo nakikiramdam lang ako.

Akala ko'y okay na, makakahinga na ako ng maluwag ngunit hindi ko inaasahang may kasama pala siya.

It was Amari.

Kumuyom ang kamao ko na nakapatong sa table ng mula sa gilid ng mga mata ko. They started to make out.

Dito pa talaga sila dumayo? Anong tingin nila sa akin, multo? Kung maghalikan sila ay parang wala ako. I can even hear Amari's moans.

My heart throbbed painfully. Nanginig ang nakakuyom kong kamo. May kung anong bumara sa lalamunan ko habang nangilid naman ang mga luha ko. I badly want to stand up and leave, pero hindi kumilos ang katawan ko.

Hunter. Why are you doing this to me?

Sobra-sobra ang sama ng loob ko sa mga oras na 'yon. I almost took the pen and stabbed my own chest, dahil parang ganoon na rin naman ang nararamdaman ko.

Sana pinatay mo na lang ako Hunter.

Because watching you kiss someone before my eyes is like killing me in the most painful way.

Kung hindi pa tumunog ang phone ni Amari ay hindi sila titigil. She remained straddling his legs as I tried to concentrate on the papers I was working on.Pasimple kong pinahid ang mga luha ko lalo na ng maramdaman kong sumulyap sa akin si Hunter.

Good thing, tumunog ang phone ko kaya nagkaroon ako ng dahilan para tumayo at pansamantalang lumabas ng opisina. Dumeretso ako sa cafeteria ng company at doon tumambay habang kausap ang caller.

It was Damon, marami kaming pinag-usapan on phone about work and business at nang matapos ay pinili kong bumalik sa office ni Hunter.

I was about to open the door when someone opened it for me. Lumabas si Amari, buttoning her blouse and fixing her skirt. Kumunot ang noo ko at malakas na kumalabog ang dibdib ko. My knees trembled as I forced myself to walk inside. At pagkapasok na pagkapasok ko pa lang ay may kakaibang amoy na agad akong nalanghap.

When I saw something in my trashcan, it was like a thousand knives struck my chest when I saw it. Malapit sa door ang trashcan ko, kaya nang madaanan ko iyin ay nakita ko ang isang bagay na nakapagkumpirma kung bakit gano'n na lang ang amoy dito sa loob.

Nanikip ang dibdib ko at halos parang gusto ko na lang magwala pero pinigilan ko dahil kahit sabihin ko pang asawa niya ako...wala pa rin akong karapatan magreklamo.

I saw one used condom disposed of in my trashcan.

Nandiri ako bigla nang makita pa roon ang ebidensya na nagenjoy siya.

So they had a quickie after I left? Here's inside his office. Damn.

Bumaling ako kay Hunter na nakatalikod, gulo pa ang buhok nito habang may kausap sa phone niya.

Hindi pa.nito napapansin na nakabalik na ako kaya tahimik akong bumalik sa table. I tried to focus on what I was doing, ngunit hindi ko kaya. I buried my face in the folder and cried silently.

"She loves me."

"Of course! I am winning this Zyc. I am not done yet. If I can't make Damon suffer, I'll make sure that his sister will never ever have happiness. She will never be happy, I will make her suffer. That's why I am keeping her alive."

"Damn man! I know, I know."

"Yeah. Hindi naman siya basta-basta makakawala sa akin lalo pa ngayon na hulog na hulog na siya. That will be as easy as crushing a glass. We'll see kung hanggang saan ang makakaya niya."

Parang hinampas ng malaki at matigas na bagay ang ulo ko mula sa narinig. Nangangat na ako ng tingin kay Hunter na hindi pa rin tapos makipag-usap.

"Well ano bang ginagawa sa mga bagay na nagamit mo na? Like condoms, I will dispose her. Madali lang gawin 'yon. Ganti ko na 'yon sa ginawa ni Damon sa 'kin."

Hindi na maawat ang mga luha ko. I stood up, dahil hindi ko na makayanan ang mga naririnig ko mula sa kaniya. I covered my lips to stop my sobs from escaping my lips. Nanginig ang katawan ko at nang akmang aalis na sana ako ay siya namang paglingon niya sa direksyon ko at nagtama ang mata naming dalawa.

He saw me crying. Bahagya siyang nagulat na agad ding nawala at napalitan ng pagporma ng isang ngisi sa mga labi niya.

"Y-You're cruel." I uttered, voiceless.

"I am Dimaria."