I wake up with a pounding head, like hung over, the fact that I've never touched any alcohol other than wine before, let alone getting drunk, doesn't make me feel any good. With a sigh I get up and look myself in mirror and cringe at the sight, my eyes are puffy, clearly anyone could tell I've been crying. Thank god it's Saturday today, which means no class, but I still have to look for jobs today. Hopefully I'd get one too.

I vaguely remember the dream I saw last night. It was more like memory than a dream. It's very rare for me to see that kind of dream. It only happens when I'm emotionally overwhelmed. I guess yesterday was kind of a bad day for me. I tipsily remember Sydney knocking my door, asking about my first day but I was so drained physically and emotionally I didn't answer her and went back to sleep, neither did I answer any phone calls.

But right now I'm determined to not let anyone ruin my day. Not even him. I muster all my energy and walk into bathroom. After a relaxing hot shower, I dress up in simple sweatshirt and jeans, when I glance in mirror this time, I'm not looking like the mess I was before but not exactly myself either. At least my eyes are less puffy and there is some color in my cheeks. Anyway it will do.

I see my phone picking it up, I unlock it. I gape at the screen that shows 11 missed call from grandma. I don't literally know what to think because I can feel my irritation getting up. Sighing, I call her back. She doesn't pick up so I decide to call her later. Maybe when I'm not irritated enough. I mean I'm eighteen not eight, I am basically an adult but no, all she'd see me as little kid who needs to be told what to do, when to do, how to do. It's suffocating.

She loves you!

I love my grandma, I truly do but this is too much. She needs to see me as an adult not a child. I can take care of myself. She always wants me to lay low, keep hidden for god knows what reason. She was even hesitant to send me here but thanks to Logan and Bella's persuasion I'm here.

I spot Sydney on couch scrolling through her iPhone when I walk in living room. Sensing me she lifts her head and gives me one of her bright smile. She looks so pretty in that sundress I can't help but smile back, taking a seat opposite her. "Hey Good morning."

"Morning," she then frowns, observing me carefully, "Are you okay? You didn't come out last night and now you seem a bit off."

I groan, rubbing my face, "Is it that obvious?" And here I thought no one would notice.

Shaking her her she says, "No, it's not but I'm a pretty good observer. You can tell me anything you know. I really want to be your friend."

I dwell in my mind, should I tell her what happened? I don't really discuss my problems with anyone, not even Logan know my every issue. He has enough problem of his own including Bella's. I keep most of my trouble to myself. But maybe I'd feel okay after I talk to someone. So I decide to tell her everything. And by God if I'm not feeling more lighthearted as I tell her.

It feels good to let out.

Her mouth and eyes both are wide open as I finish telling her, "Oh my god, that's cruel of him to even say those things to you. I can't believe it. Actually I can, this is so much like him, he's like this when he's in one of his moods. I don't know what to tell you except sorry. And I can assure you that all he said is completely bullshit, you are beautiful girl, fuck that, you are gorgeous if I was a gay I'd totally do you."

I appreciate her gesture to make me feel good, worthy but deep down I know I could never be good enough for him. I will always be 'not pretty enough' girl begging for attention to him. He is so out of my league. I can never compare to that.

Don't think about him!

I don't know why I'm still thinking of him when he was downright horrible to be. I have no idea why my mind can't understand his cruel insults that it is stick on him.

I must be going insane.

I wave her, "It's okay though. I'm over it. I just want to start everything over."

Are you really?

I don't think so.

God, I couldn't even convinced myself with that let alone her.

She stares me suspiciously searching for any sign truth in my words but I know she won't find any, "Look I really want go and beat the fuck out of that fucking King, but he'd probably return me the favour and worse. Not that we are close or anything hell, we rarely have any conversation. He is hot alright, I can see you falling for him, but he has more baggage than you could ever think of. You are good girl, a positivity and he is full of negatively so you see, 'the opposites attract'. I want to warn you although its not my place nonetheless I will tell you one thing, the moment you feel you're loosing yourself in him, in your love, come back before its too late."

Why the hell is she saying all this as if anything is going to happen between us?

Snort, No chance in hell.

I can't even bear the thought of seeing him right now let alone love, and he, well he is already disgusted with me. I'm not going to fall in love with him. The idea alone is absurd. So what if I am attracted to him, I'm sure most of the girls are attracted to him. So this must be nothing new for him and though it's new for me I believe I'd get over it.

I will have to.

I have never been more hurt, angry and embarrassed in last few years and it's all because of him. One time was enough to learn my place, I don't need it again.

Gah!

Why are we even talking about him anyway, more so important why I'm letting him get me without him being actually here.

Stop this you idiot!!

Trying to lighten the atmosphere, I tease her, "Since when you are so intelligent?"

She narrows her eyes playfully, "I will pretend I didn't hear your question on my intelligence," before her eyes turn sad, gloomy, "To answer your question, I have seen what it did to my sister. We, I mean, me and Luke have simple and stable relationship, the way I want it but I have witnessed what a toxic love did to my sister. Because of that toxic affair she lost her baby, she still is recovering from it."

I feel a kick in gut as I hear the mention of the baby, familiar panic tries to rise up, it wants to take me to the dark places I left and I don't want return there, never. I close my eyes as I count to ten to calm my rising panic.

After ten, I take a deep breath as I start to feel steady again, "I'm sorry about your sister. I didn't know you have one."

"Oh well, it maybe because we have met just two days before silly." She reminds me, laughing lightly.

Only two?

Has it really been just two days? Why does it feel like a week? Ah right, I know the answer. It's because I'm stumbling from my goal. My focus doesn't seem that clear as it was before. I need to short my self out and concentrate.

Now you are getting it!

Better late than never.

I stand up, peering at my watch, "Alright I gotta go."

Sydney stops me, "Hey where are you going? Why don't you come with us, there is a party around somewhere."

Me?

Party?

I snort at the thought, "Actually I can't, I've to go for job hunting and parties are really not my thing." Shaking my head, I move toward front door.

"All right I'll let you go for now, but next time I'm taking you with me and I won't take 'no', do you hear me?" I hear her voice after me.

Without turning around, I wave back along with a shout, "Yeah, yeah!"

It's almost 11am as I walk outside the campus, since I don't have car and neither I'm planning to own one. I like walking alone, thinking of everything or anything. It is mid August, means fall or almost fall season. I love winter but like most of people I enjoy fall too.

Trees are yellow and orange, I believe leaves are about to fall. Here sky seems much clear than back at home. In Kent, due to hills it's always cloudy. Air is also much different here, its not as much fresh as in Kent. I miss Kent and everything related to Kent.

I feel a buzz, I realize it's my phone, taking it out I see it is grandma.

Ah, What a timing!

Sighing, I press the green button, holding it little away from my ears, "Hello Grandma."

As expected, "Akira Ray! Where were you last night? Why did you not pick my calls? Why didn't you call me?!" She scolds me in a breath.

"Grandma calm down please or else your blood pressure could get high." I sooth her, reminding her illnesses.

I feel guilty for being annoyed with her when all she does nothing but worry about me.

"I'm calm, I'm calm. Now answer me." I relax now that she is finally breathing normal.

"Yesterday after class, I was awfully tired so I slept in. Nothing else happened. Why are you always this much worried for me? I can take care of myself. You should be more careful with your health. How could you be so careless about it when you know a little bit of negligence and it can become big problem. I'm not there but I'm also constantly worried about you. I'm in college, I get tons of assignment and now that I'm looking for a job too so I can't possibly call you everyday. I promise if something bad happens I'll tell you." I tell her as softly I could, not wanting to hurt her feelings. At this age she easily takes everything to her heart.

She is silent for few moment before she finally let out a soft laugh, "And here I was hoping to give you solid lecture." Sighing, she continues, "I know you are now a big girl. I simply don't want to acknowledge it but I guess you are right I should not become hyper at small things. I will try not to worry too much but promise me you will tell me if you have any problem."

I nod then I remember she can't see me, "Yes grandma. I promise. Now I've to go. Bye. I love you."

After hearing her 'love you too', I kill the call. Reminding myself where I am. Few minutes of more walking around, my stomach grumbles loudly implying how hungry I am. I've not eaten anything since yesterday.

I parade around in search of a cafe or anything to please my stomach. I see a small, cottage type beautiful cafe 'Shine'. I walk inside and I'm instantly hit by delicious aroma of yummy foods. The decor is beautiful with red and white combination. It gives a homey feeling. I thinks its famous here as almost tables are full apart from one-two table.

I take a one right-cornered table by the window. I like window seat, in any case. A middle aged blond woman comes to me, smiling she asks for my order. I'm always hungry for hamburger and steak with a cold coffee so I ordered it. She nods before leaving.

While waiting, like always I gaze outside the window trying to figure out everyone's urgency. Its pretty amazing to just sit quietly and stare at people surrounding us and try to figure out what's going on their mind.

I hear someone clearing their throat, I turn around only to find a hot, sexy-type good looking guy with black hair and expectant green eyes staring down at me.

He is seriously a hot eye candy from top to bottom with fit lean body and I would totally pass him as a modal anytime.

But not like your Romero huh?

No. Nothing like my-

Just stop thinking about him. He is bad news. I mentally chide my self.

Looking over stranger with raised eyebrows, I ask, "Yes?"