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╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗

THE AVENGERS ARE ABOUT TO COME YEET MY SORRY ASS OUT OF EXISTENCE THAT'S WHAT!

BECAUSE MY LIFE IS IN DANGER, PETER!

THAT'S WHY WE'RE SCREAMING!

Oh, you haven't heard?

I would have sworn Tony was monitoring my phone ever since your stupidity revealed your secret

I'm actually half expecting him to ram head first into my wall in his Iron Man armor and be like, "Surprise bitch. I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me."

It really would, but I'd be scared as heck with two C's

I better start packing my bags then

Not exactly

In fact, I'm trying to preserve your secret, so by any chance do you have a friend that has a similar body shape as you and would be willing to put on your suit without the mask?

Well frick frack diddily dack, there goes my last ditch effort

So I was texting MJ and Liz Allan because they're like my best friends

We were talking about typical teenage girl things like consuming the blood of our enemies and all that crap

Like you would know, Peter

For some odd reason MJ had a conspiracy theory that you're Spider-Man which I obviously said was absurd

Like Peter Parker as Spider-Man? As if

And now both MJ and Liz are convinced that you are in fact Spider-Man

I have until tonight to prove them wrong with photographic evidence

I know right?!

Rip me

It was a nice run, my friend

See you in the afterlife I guess

If there even is an afterlife that is

Famous last words

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╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗

We've been had

No

Why does everyone think that when I talk to them?! I'm literally 17 and the most psychotic thing I've ever done is eat cereal with a fork because all the spoons were dirty

I DONT KILL PEOPLE!!!

I've been bamboozled

IM INNOCENT

I SWEAR ON MY PATHETIC LIFE THAT IM MORE INNOCENT THAN A NEWBORN BABY

I DIDNT DO SHIT! IT WAS MY FRIENDS THAT CAUSED THIS MESS

Yeah boi

Don't missy me, Toe Knee

Peter?!? Did you just tell your father to shut the hell up??!?!!

I'm in a state in shock, Mr. Iron Man sir

And I thought that I was the one that would be murdered today

You done messed up, Peter

Stop putting all the pressure on me, pEtEr. They're your friends too

Neither? I just need a picture that proves that Peter isn't Spider-Man

Who's Happy?

I like this Happy person already. I'm stealing your friend, Stark

Woah, calm down there. We don't tolerate that kinda attitude in this household

So this plan of yours, what is it exactly?

AND WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE HAPPY TAKE ME?? ARE YOU BRINGING ME TO A SLAUGHTERHOUSE?!?!

Duh! Aren't you supposed to be like smart or something

Everyone is here. Get used to it, pretty boy

And that's going to be possible how exactly??

Yo Happy just pulled up in my driveway. This is wild. Where am I going exactly??

ASDFGHJKL I'M GOING TO THE LAND OF THE AVENGERS!!!!😭😭

BECAUSE THE COMPOUND IS WERE THE AVENGERS ROAM FREE IN THE WILD

OH MY GOD, STARK, WHO'S THERE RN?!?!

I might faint

IMMA TAKE PICTURES WITH EVERYONE except you, Mr. aluminum foil

Imma get your autograph because it's more valuable on the black market

Just in case I go broke 20 years down the line

Fack you, Parker

I have superb comedic skills and you're just jealous

OH LOOK! your apartment building!!

Whatever, Stark

This plan of yours better work or else I'm ending it all

Have fun living with that! :)