✆✆

╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗

⚡️Ｗｈｏｒｅｓ Ｆｏｒ Ｔｈｏｒ⚡️

"ᵂᵉ ᵛ ᵀʰᵒʳˢᵗʸ"

Y'all won't believe what just happened

Like, Peter, how do you do this like every night??

Like bitch the fack are you on

Pft I'm not god

Yeah, good at being taken for granted

Ya girl got stabbed

Ok, I may be slightly delirious from blood loss but that made no sense

Bitch, I'm a mfing pin doll

Like do I take out the knife? I want to because that'd be so badass but like then I'd bleed more

Lol funny story actually

Later. I need to tell y'all the story first

So I was being a normal human and doing normal human things like stopping at 7/11 at 1:30 am to get a large slushee

😒

So anyway, I was getting my slushee when all of a sudden this huge scary dude bro came barging into the same 7/11 I was in at 1:30 am

And I was like "you do you, dude bro" but like internally

And he came up and got a large cup like me and got a cheery slushee

So we were like vibing

I KNOW RIGHT!!

So we're like bros now. His name is Roger and he's actually suuuuuper nice

And then Roger left 7/11 with his slushee

I know! Like I'm the one that got stabbed and even I'm surprised

Then this tiny little frog hopped through the door when Roger left

That's not important to the story but the frog was v cute

Ok so then I went to the chip aisle because chips

This dude came into 7/11 looking all jazzed up with a snazzy suit and tie

Like this man was fine

Sorry, Pete. I still love you

❤️

So mr. fancy pants was actually mr. stabby pants

🚨🚨🤭😱

He had a knife and waving it around like one of those plastic wands that every little girl had for some odd reason

This one

He was saying something. Maybe trying to convince me and the 7/11 store clerk to join his fantasy fish horse cult or something

Idk I was too busy picking out a bag of chips to pay attention

So then mr. stabby pants nears me and I'm like "lol dope knife" and he's like "thanks bro" and we did like that bro nod thing you do when you see your bro walking down the street

Yeah like that!!

And then he started waving his knife threateningly and I was like "cool, you do that. Imma just grab some chips and leave"

But he was persistent

And then he stabbed me like the meme

Ok so he was like "you can't do that"

And I was like "bitch, yes the fack I can"

And then he blocked me

And I was like "lmao what are you gonna do? Stab me?"

AND THEN HE STABBED ME

Like hello, my name is (Y/n) and I am a walking meme

Please worship me

Bro me too tf

So he stabbed me in the arm and I kinda just stared at him like "bish what?? I thought we were bros" and then I just pushed past him and payed at the register with a knife sticking out of my arm

The cashier was like "you want me to call an ambulance?"

And I was like "nah bro, I'm bffls with the avengers" and then I left

I just took a blood pressure test turns out I'm 100% dumb bitch

Mmm juicy

When I first found out you were Spider-Man you said you could hardly feel the knife sticking out of your stomach and refused to call Tony

So stop judging me

sᴘɪᴅᴇʀ-ᴅᴡᴇᴇʙ ᴀᴅᴅᴇᴅ ᴛᴏᴇ ᴋɴᴇᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀsᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

Anyways brb I think I'm going into shock

Update

Jk there is so much blood and I'm seeing flashing stars

Bitch why you gotta be so mean

Because it's the only thing I can do while I wait for death to consume me

I would rather die then spend money on an ambulance

Aw does that mean we're fwends

Stop bullying me, I'm dying

Where am I supposed to go?

I'm literally deflating like a water balloon

No u

ᴛᴏᴇ ᴋɴᴇᴇ ʟᴇғᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀsᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

He left? Guess I'll die

Hell here I come

I hope the fack you do

You be a dead son of a bitch I'll tell you that

Boo

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]