After six months, slowly but surely everything started going back to normal. The global pandemic made me realize a lot of things that I was taking granted for. I missed my friends, the outside world, and him beyond words.

One morning, I received an email from my high school that this year's welcoming ceremony would be held along with the graduation party for senior year since we were never able to bid them farewell.

The rest of the six months, I kept myself occupied with hobbies such as baking, sewing, and painting, but still every now and then I would find myself thinking about him.

Eventually, the day of the welcoming/graduation ceremony arrived. I was like a ball of tangled yarn because I was feeling happy and excited but nervous and emotional all at the same time.

I wore a simple, baby blue colored long dress that my mother had bought for homecoming this year (which never took place). She also helped me with hairstyling and makeup and Leah came to pick me a few minutes later.

On reaching the venue, we met and hugged Natalie. It felt like years since we last talked. We talked a bit about our boring daily lives and about we missed everyone so much!

All the while, Natalie looked a bit hesitant and she kept glancing at me every now and then.

"Spill the tea already." I elbowed her.

"...um... Sam Miller is... dating Mia Jones" she stuttered.

I smiled. "Really? That's great!" Breathing started to get a little bit harder yet, I was only able to sadly smile. I was prepared, but it still hurt. Natalie patted me while Leah side hugged me. While doing so, they noticed him entering the venue and left.

"He's here", Leah whispered in my ear before leaving.

I turned around to see him stepping inside all alone. My eyes slowly filled with tears, the pain I carried in my chest was inexplicable.

I wanted to run up to him and give him a hug.

A really, really long one.

But instead, I stood there, admiring him like always. Our eyes met and suddenly I forgot how to breathe.

He gave me a noticeable nod and started walking towards me. His hair has grown longer and he's gotten a bit broader. He was wearing a black suit with a light blue shirt underneath.

We're matching? Wow.

He stopped right in front of me.

"Hey! You're the library girl!" He grinned while tilting his head.

I laughed lightly, "Yes that's me!".

We stared at each other for what felt like an eternity until I broke my gaze and preferred to rest my eyes on the floor instead.

I was afraid that if I stare anymore, I won't be able to stop.

I then summoned enough courage to extend my hand in front of him, "I'm Ruby Williams." He shook my hand. "The one and only, Sam Miller".

The one and only indeed.

He then shifted his hand awkwardly into his pockets.

... this is so awkward...

I wanted to talk to him, but I was afraid I might say something incoherent so I stayed quiet.

Averting his gaze, he said while giving me a thumbs up,

"Best of luck for your future, Ruby!"

"Yeah, you too!" I said.

"Thank you for... everything" I whispered low enough only for me to hear.

And then he gives me a smile that just seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me. I too was smiling a little, a smile with a twist to it, the smile that looked like a child determined not to weep.

Out of nowhere, his girlfriend and friends came. It would feel really weird for me to still stand there. And then as much as I wanted to stay, I turned around and away from him.

He looked happy. I wanted him to be happy even if the reason for his happiness wasn't me.

"Goodbye." I turned around and mouthed.

I wanted to say I love you. But saying that to someone who already is in a relationship would not be good. So I kept it to goodbye. Dear Sam, you'll never know how much I loved you. But I guess, that's how things are going to stay. Because even in the end, I'm just a coward.

This is goodbye to the boy I loved from afar.