I was sitting near the window sill, the wind blew my hair in all directions, the house was still buzzing with energy eventhough it's been two days to Fariyal's wedding and all my extended family, who had come on a last minute notice for Fariyal's wedding, had decided to stay back for my wedding.

Mom made me wash my hands more often, so that the mehendi from Fariyal's wedding would go away and my hands would be reapplied with henna, for my wedding.

I was never a fan of weddings, except for the food, but when it came to my wedding, I'd always imagined it to be perfect, even as a child.

But that was until we got to know of it, after that, I'd stopped dreaming of a marriage.

And that was until I met Abaan, he rekindled all my dreams, all my hopes, all my wishes. Most of all, he was the first man who had managed to love me even after knowing about all of it, and also the first man I had opened my heart to.

And I was getting married.

But, to his brother.

I was hurting, breaking. Allah knew I was in pain. A pain that couldn't be seen but it hurt me more than any other wound on my body ever did.

I don't think I'd ever cried infront of so many people as much as I did two days back, on my nikaah.

Unknown to the people who were rejoicing in the preperations of my wedding, I was going through a heartbreak.

Just how did they expect me to live under the same roof as him, married to HIS BROTHER?!

I looked to my side as Sahifa, her face covered in chocolate offered me a peice of her pancake and I ruffled her hair, hugging her as she hugged me back curiously,

"Phupps, are you sad?"

I smiled at her, "No, baby."

She forcefully fed me a spoonful before rushing away, and I looked up to see Fariyal's eyes on me.

I looked away.

I was angry at her. I was angry at everyone.

But most of all, I was angry at that stupid baffoon called Zaidaan.

And I was even more angrier at that theif of my heart, the most heartless man even after having two hearts in his possession, mine and his, Abaan Farooq.

The way he promised his Tayajaan that he would make his marriage with Fariyal work, while his dark eyed baffoon of a brother watched it all, if it was upto me I would've bashed him up right then and there.

Bloody jahannum I could feel my head spinning at that moment.

And when I'd looked at Fariyal's pale face, I'd never been more jealous of her.

And that was two days back, now I was just numb, mixed with a little bit of all those emotions.

"Kainaat?"

I didn't look at her.

"Please, don't do this to me."

I shoved her hand away from my shoulder, looked her dead in the eyes and said,

"Don't touch me."

My sister pleaded me with her eyes and I couldn't do it anymore.

I can't blame Fariyal for this.

She was as much forced into this as me. She was as choiceless as me.

Before she could see I still loved her, I rushed past her and out of the room as I made my way to daadi.

I didn't know who to blame, but I knew she was one of the many people I blamed this for.

Knocking on her door, I spoke my longest sentence in two days,

"Can I come in, dadijaan?"

She looked up from where she was doing her tasbeeh and patted the space beside her and gave me a smile.

I timidly walked in and stiffly sat down.

This was probably the most formal I'd ever been with her. Or anyone in the house, in that case.

My ass had barely touched the place when Husna barged in, not even bothering to knock as this was her second room.

If it was upto them, she and daadi would even go as far as living together in a seperate home.

Half her belongings were in this room.

Husna was probably the only person I talked to, follow by my Bhaiya and bhabhi.

But she was the only one who truly, genuinly knew what was in my mind and how I was feeling.

She took a seat behind me and squeezed my hand, the action bringing an immediette smile on my face.

If there was one person I'd miss, then it would be her.

Dadi kissed her tasbeeh and touched it to her eyes, placed it beside her and then kissed my forehead, blowing air over my face.

"Kainaat jaan."

I looked at her from beneath my eyelashes,

"Who do I blame for this?"

I asked directly, keeping my tone as polite as possible.

She smiled at me and took my hand nearest to her,

"You blame no one, meri bachchi."

When all I did was avoid her gaze, she took both my hands,

"Kainaat, I know this is hard. I know you loved him. I know you're breaking. But if, instead of doing something like what you girls did, if you would have come to the elders of your life, this wouldn't have happened. You are married to Zaidaan. And there wasn't much I could-"

"Everyone listens to you, dadi. You could have easily got me and Zaidaan a divorce and got me and Abaan married. But you didn't! Why? Because-"

"Mind your tone, ladki! Don't let your anger destroy your language. And there was nothing I could do, their Tayajaan is even elder than me and that man should be respected by everyone, for everything he's done.

And listen to me, you are married to Zaidaan and Abaan has sworn to make it work with Fariyal. And if you would step out of your misery and look properly, he is trying but your sister can't bring herself to. You know why? Because of you. She doesn't want to betray her own flesh. This stubbornness of yours will destroy four lives if you don't tone it down."

When all I did, again, was avoid her gaze as my anger raised, she let go of my hands,

"Seek refuge in Allah, in happiness and in pain, so that your burdens are lightened and your heart is purified. You are no child, Kainaat. All this has happened in a haste and there's no denying that it was Unfair. It is unfair and as much as it angers me, it calms my heart."

I looked at her quizically at her last line and she elaborated,

"Allah only tests the ones He loves with things that make it difficult to think clearly. He takes something from you to grant you something better. What you think is love, might not even be love. Trust Him, Kainaat. One door is closed on your face, and that awaits a billion doors of happiness for you. Don't let shaitaan add fuel to your anger, pain and misery. If you ever want to talk, talk without anger, talk after praying your heart out. Don't let one heartbreak decieve you into thinking that all the love in the world is over."

Unable to form words, I just nodded at her.

"Kainaat?"

"Ji?"

"You won't be a dulhan again. Be happy. Enjoy this time. Feelings can come back, time will not. Stop drowning and reach for the shore, find your home. Find your happiness."

I looked at her and for the first time since the last four days, saw the atmosphere around me in a different light.

My daadi had always been the wisest woman I've ever met and she just proved it again. She can do things no one can and I loved her for that.

I kissed her hands, forehead and hugged her to me as a tear rolled down my cheeks and she carressed my hear.

I knew my unsaid apology had been accepted.

"Aw, group hug with my favourite ladies on earth!"

Husna said and joined us abd dadi laughed, holding us both and in that moment, I met Husna's eyes and nodded at her, a silent promise to make things better.

Dadi was right afterall, this time may not come back again.

Dadi's words had a massive effect on me and the minute I stepped out of her room, I made my way to the kitchen and hugged my mom from behind and gave her and dad, who was on a call, the best big smile I could manage.

As soon as I smiled, their faces seemed to visibly relax and confuse.

I looked at my dad and said,

"Pappa, I'm sor-"

I hadn't even completed the sentence and dad gave me a big bear hug and mom patted my head and I knew everything was alright.

As cheerful as can be, I ran out and bumped into Khalifa.

I squeezed his cheeks and he looked confusingly between mom dad and me but I was already gone.

I pushed past everyone and upon finding Fariyal with Sahira and Saher bhabhi, I dragged her with me to our terrace.

"Kainaat, wh-"

I hugged her. I hugged the life out of her and the only thing I said was,

"Keep Abaan and yourself happy. That's all I want, and that's all I care. I love you and I always will."

I could feel her crying against me and I let her.

And when we broke apart, her smile made me realise that I was wounding the people I most loved with the pointed shards of my broken pieces.

The thought made me feel so much guilt and Fariyal said,

"I don't care what happens but I'll always be with and for you. You're my baby sister and guess what? We're marrying brothers."

And despite my hate for the elder one among those brothers, I found myself sharing a genuine laugh with my sister.

***

"Will both of you go away and never come back?"

Fariyal, who was texting on her phone, looked up and stared at Sahifa with an amused expression.

I stroked her hair and said,

"Nahi toh, me and Fariyal phuppo will keep visiting you every other day."

Currently, me, Fariyal, Husna and Saher bhabhi were in my room, packing my bags with Sahifa in my arms as I rested like a Queen.

She cupped my cheeks, "Phuppijaan?"

I hmmed, "Ji, phuppu ki jaan?"

"Who will do my homework after you go?"

I was expecting her to say something more loving and it may have been clear on my expression when I said this that it did disappoint me, Husna burst out laughing and I glared at her,

"Husna phuppu will help you, ok baby?"

"But you are my fav-rite!"

Now, it was my time to grin at everyone as she hugged me and I nuzzled her, relishing her.

Bhaiya entered my room and smiled at all of us,

"MashaAllah, the girls in my life look so happy."

Oh, but someone is faking it.

He looked at me and cocked his head to the side,

"Fariyal, Kainaat, come with me. Husna, you can join us."

"If you're basically taking more than half of us outside, why don't you tell whatever you have to say here, cuz anyway bhabhi's gonna know it?"

He rolled his eyes at my remark and said, "You're just saying this because you're lazy, aren't you?"

When I chuckled, he motioned for Sahifa,

"Sahu, babygirl, badi dadi has something for you."

She got up and went to her dad, climbed on the chair, perched her hands on her hips and in the same tone her father used on me, she said,

"You're only saying this because you don't want me to listen to what you'll say to my phuppus and mommy. But anyway, I will go because I'm a good girl."

He kissed her cheek, "You're the best girl, darling!"

She giggled and ran away as Khalifa closed the door behind him and faced us,

"So sisters,"

"Sisters?" Saher asked.

He shrugged, "So sisters and only one wife."

She let his comment slide as he continued,

"Fariyal, Kainaat, I know things have not happened as you would have wished but listen, um, if there's ever anything you guys want, come to me. I'm always there. Infact, afte knowing about all this, I feel like I have failed as an elder brother and you girls couldn't come to me because you were scared. Scared of me, really?

Whatever it was, it happened. And this is the Qadr of Allah. I have always trusted you both and I will do so, and all I ask in return is that,"

He paused and gave us a cautious look,

"If any of them isn't treating any of you rightly, you come to me. I don't give a damn what happens next but if necessary, I will get my girls back at home so don't hesitate even a second if you feel like he's...um, not treating you right. Yeah, that's all."

Silence was all I heard. The brother who never, EVER showed love just spoke these words and I could die in peace.

We had a siblings hug and he nodded for me to follow him out while saying,

"This goes for you too, Husna. Your days don't seem far."

She just mumbled something but gave him a shy smile.

I followed my brother out and gave him a tight hug,

"YOU'RE THE BEST BHAIYAAAA"

He pried hinself off of me and led me to the terrace,

"I know, and whatever I said there was for all three of my sisters but Kainaat, you will always be my baby sister. I don't care what they will say l, just tell me now if you don't wanna get married and I'll shoo everyone away."

Yes, please.

"No, it's okay."

"Kainaat, listen. I know you just lost your first love and jumping into a marriage the very next week and that too almost seemingly forcefully and that too to his brother...it's all your decision. You still have time. You still have me here so tell me, do you really want to?"

No, bhaiya, save me.

"Ji, bhaiya. Aap fikar na karei."

"Ay mashaAllah meri moti."

I slapped his arm for calling me fat and stuck my tongue out when he whimpered in pain. As he put his arm around my head and dragged me out, me laughing my ass off, it didn't even seem like I was heartbroken.

I seemed okay.

I felt okay.

***

Jahannum- Hell

Dulhan- Bride

Phuppu/phuppijaan- dad's sister.

Jaan- life.

Aap fikar na karei- don't you worry.

Meri moti- my fatty.

***

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