Have you been broken in a way that you could not understand how to mend yourself ?

i bearly slept for 2 hours last night . After offering prayer i slept but my nightmare woke me up and after that i could not sleep.

Flahback :

I was sitting in my room , my own home with my head in my mothers lap and she was moving her fingers in my head . it was so peaceful and i was happy being near to her. but suddenly the door of my room opened and xavier entered...... he was so angry, i quickly got up from my mother lap and stood up straight . xavier pulled out a gun from his back and shot my mother straight in her heart i was covered in her blood ...my mother's blood "i told you if you run away from me , from this marriage i will kill your family " and he dragged me out with him but when i looked back my mother , brothers , sister in laws and nephews and nieces were all lying covered in blood "

end of flash back

suddenly i got up with heavey breath tears on my cheeks i was soo alone their was so darkness in this room , i was never scared of dark but this dark was scaring me to my death .

I qucikly got up and switched on the light I offered two rakat nafal aand did tahajud and recited quran but .... my tears did not want to stop i cried whole night .

I sat in the window that was in the room and was lost in my thoughts about my family how would they be , how my mother would be. I never had close friends or relation with any one except my mother she was my universe without her i was nothing .

This was the first time i was far away from her and i don,t even know if she is ok or not how would she be had she had any dinner or lunch or had she had slept or not ?

all these things were in my mind but i could do nothing to resolve them i was so helpless.

Morning came and when i offfered my prayer and were complaining Allah for my condition.

"why Allah why, Was i that bad that you gave me this severe punishment that you made me married to a killer " a sob escaped my mouth

Tears were falling like they had never came out of my eyes " why Allah you ruined me, why you ruined my family , my mom she ..ya Allah it hurts alot " and i cried alot my hijab was wet with my tears.

In the mean time i remembered what happened between us last night why i felt comfort in his embrace how he controlled my attack when he was the reason for it why .

Why particularly now on this prayer mat in this situation of dua God made me remember that scene "what are you trying to show me , what you want to say Allah "

i don,t know for how long i was sitting there but i came in my senses when someone knocked on my door at exact 8 ,i didn,t said anything but the knocking came again i stood up and folded the prayer mat .

i went towards the door and opened it an elderly women was standing at the door i don,t know who she is what she wants but she answered my questions

" good morning you must be Mrs xavier right"

i don,t know what to say

"well i mean larib right " i just nodded beacuse i don,t know what to do " well darling welcome i am lucy but you can call me ma , xavier is on breakfast table and he is waiting for you for the breakfast ."

"what breakfast .... xavier ... waiting wis he serious due that idiot my sleep and hunger all are lost and he is waiting for me for breakfast. " i thought in my mind."

"hmmm i am.... not feeling hungry so please excuse me will you " i said politely

"but darling you had nothing from yesterday "

"no its ok i am really not feeling hungry but i am tired i want to sleep "

"well ok if you say so i will tell him. you should rest if you need anything just tell me ok "

after closing door now larib was in deep thoughts .

"what should i do now i can,t sleep , i don,t feel hungry i don,t have my phone what would i do in this room ......this dress is irritating me i should atleast change it but my clothes ..... uff justin told me its in xavier room god i have to tolerate it until someone come . "

Xavier pov

last night i could not sleep after i saw her in that condition it was really difficult to sleep . i have seen a lot of people crying and weeping specially the girls i brought to strip clubs but it did not affected me but last night i could not see it .

it was not like i was so touch to her to not to see her crying atleast i think that ,because still i can,t point on my feelings .

i have seen her crying before our nikkah and it did not affected me because it was a common reaction for that situation .But something changed after our marrige , i don,t know what but something did its look like some bulb lighted up in my heart to feel her emotions and feelings .

i...i...i could not see her crying last night ,.....in that state she was looking like she would get an heart attack i didn,t know what to do so i hugged her but i didn,t expected that her reaction would be

......to get calm , i thought she would become more severe but i was wrong .

after she calm down i left the room and went to my room because i could not breath, i became restless their was this pain in me i could not point my finger on and whole night i wanted to cry .

i even took pain killers but nothing was working what was it ? morning came but i was still lying awake in my bed .

i went to gym thinking that it might change my mind .

On my way i wanted to see her "she must be sleeping at this early morning she was tired last night " i opened the door and the bed was empty i searched for her in the room and .... she was on her prayer mat beside the bed and praying "she still belief in him after how her life turn upside down. ...interesting "

i stood their and watched her for a while but then she raised her hand for prayer and said " why Allah why, Was i that bad that you gave me this severe punishment that you made me married to a killer "

i could not tolerate it she thinks of me as a killer well i am but why it hurt? Everyone knkws a who i am a mafia king a killer it nothing new but why it hurts when she said it my own wife. she thinks its her punishment to get married to me .

i could not tolerate it so i went away.

i went to my gym and get rid of my all anger on the punching bag . by doing severe exercise my knuckles became blooded and i was stopped by the entrance of lucy mom " xavier son i wanted to...... " well she noticed my blooded hands she takes care of me the same she did when i was 2 years old .

she held my hands with tears in her eyes.

"ma its ok i am fine its nothing " i told her to calm her

"nothing ma you know what ......i am hungry i hadn,t had anything since last night why don,t you make a nice breakfast .. ha and ..........my wife also had nothing from morning so .."

"what you brought her xavier.... wait wife you got married but you said you would marry her here after sometime " she said astonished

"well circumstance changed and i married her which was a right decision so now would you make breakfast " . i don,t want to discuss it further with her .

"well why not i would love to. first let me see her gosh ... how long i wanted to see you having a wife at last i could rest. "

"

"she is not taking mg place but she will be taking my responsibilities ..

well let me see her i should go and make breakfast and then see her ."

"ma ..... actually don,t be overwhelm actually ...this marriage was against her so she might ... "

"i know ....i will do it now , now she is my wife one way or another she have to accept me . "

"but xavier .."

"no buts . i am hungry please mke breakfast " she kissed my forehead and went out .

i went to my room and get started to dress up to go to meetings.

when i opened the cupborad it was filled with women dresss well it was her dress, my wife dresses , lucy ma arranged everything in my absence i am so thankful .

"when will you wear these in our room and would get dressed for me and i would do the same ,i would compliment you and will look at you whole day , i don,t know what i feel for you but i know one thing it is something deep that i haven,t felt for anyone i don,t know when will you see that ... ...she will one day don,t worry xavier " i said to my self and got my suite and got ready and went downstairs for the breakfast .

The dinning table was arrange so beautifully the aroma of breakfast made me so hungry like i was not before.... their were beautiful roses arrange on the table i know ma will not disappoint me and she did not .

"xavier darling come sit i know you must be hungry come .." she said to me while having some dishes in her hand and placing it on the table .

"ma it is amazing, yes i am so hungry let me get started " i sat down and placed fruits in my plate and started to have a bite when i received a slap on the head "

"don,t start without your wife idiot its your first morning after marriage "

i totally forgot about it sorry i will wait you should call her "

"" yeah she got a point right but she will never listen to me .

"ma please i am getting late for meeting please go call her " she looked towards me but started moving towards stairs.

"ma ya , one more thing she is......in guestroom " after saying that i looked away .

"we will talk when you want to discuss , but as your ma talk to her and make her get use to you living in other room will not do it . " and she went upstairs leaving me in thoughts.

she came down after a while but larib was not with her .. what was i expecting that she would come ha .. without asking explanation from ma i started my breakfast and guess wht just 2 bites and i lost my hunger .

i got up from the table "i am leaving for work might get late so don,t wait for me for dinner and yeah be careful she is not allowed to go out , if anyone from my family comes no one should no about her or me being married . If she want something everything is in my room and she can,t take anything to other room and make her to shift to my room by night or i would have my own ways , which i am sure will be unbearable for her . "

JUSTIN POV

"tell me where the heck is that guy , where is zeeshan ... i am not an idiot to think he died open your mouth or you will also die like that guy " and i pointed towrds the other guy who was lying on the floor .

i am in our warehouse i am interrogating the guy who helped zeeshan escaped , yes he got escaped and xavier could not believe it he was so angry that he killed the guys on whose watch he escaped .

Four guys are already dead after so much torture by xavier because they didn,t give him what he wanted , this is the last one so i send him to his meeting a awhile ago so i can get something out of him by playing good cope .

xavier was so angry in the morning i think..... no no i am sure its larib bhabi. he came here somethimg like 8 and beated the crap out of these guys but me and leo send him atlast to his meeting letting us doing his work .

"LOOK if you didn,t spill out now then let me tell you king would be here in an hour and then you know what would he do ."

"no no no please leave me i haven,t done anything please i am .... telling truth i don,t. know where he went i just helped him to escape thats it "

"fine keep lying but let me tell you one thing king would kill you slowly and brutally ".

i said it and started moving towards the door because i know everyone is scared of xavier brutal and slow punshiement so he would spill and guess what he did .

"

"leo bring the page now " i said to leo who was outside .

"did you get the place and area . " i asked leo

"yes i did lets get going but we should tell xavier ."

"i already told him and he is coming to the airport we are leaving in an hour now " i said to leo while taking out my gun from my waist band .

"and he .....well darling thanks for info but we did not want you more so the king said to say good bye to you ." and shot him in the head .

"we are coming zeeshan ,you would wish now that you had never put an eye on larib bhabi xavier will bury you alive. just wait for couple of hours ."