~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up to the feeling of something soft against my hand. The pain in my neck was present and I opened my eyes to see what was going on. My eyes fell on my hand that was on Aneel's head, snuggling in his hair. I was still sitting up, so the pain in my neck came from that. I went through his hair with my hand, not being able to stop myself. I knew that it was early, so I just didn't move. I also didn't want to wake him up. I felt him move slowly after a while. He opened his eyes, looking up immediately. When he saw that it was me, he turned back and closed his eyes again.

"What time is it?" he asked softly. I let go of his hair and put my hands beside me, not wanting to make him mad. I pressed on his phone to see what time it was.

"It's almost ten. Come on, get up, I can't feel my legs" I said, slapping his arm softly. He groaned before getting up slowly. Looking at me for a few seconds, he turned away. Without saying anything, he got up and I saw his shorts lift up a bit. A black design was on his leg, looking almost invisible because it was little. I grabbed his hand, pulling him back. He stopped in front of me, looking down at me in confusion. I pulled his shorts up a bit to look at it closely. He pulled them down covering it but I had already seen what it was.

"Why do you have a tattoo, let alone of a snake?" I asked him, wanting to know what it was. How could he have a tattoo, knowing that it was forbidden?

"Aneel" I said, needing some answer of him. I had kept my tone soft, since we couldn't make him mad. His face turned into irritation.

"None of your business" he said, trying to walk of but I had a strong grip of his hand and I tightened it even more.

"I know it's none of my business, and I know that I mean nothing to you. So, sorry for getting into your business just because you do mean something to me" I said, letting go of his hand. I looked down, feeling embarrassed for what I had said and for even asking about his tattoo. He was silent for a few seconds and didn't move like I didn't expect him to.

"It's a tattoo, as you saw" he said, out of the blue. I looked up and he still had the same look on. Anger. Irritation. Madness.

"I got it after Maryam died. I got it so I could remind myself how terrible of a man I am and how disgusted I am with myself" he said, taking a few steps back. I was about to reply but he shook his head.

"Save it. I don't need what you are giving me" he said, clearly meaning the sudden sadness that was written on my face. I stood up, stopping him when he was just about to walk out the door.

"You are not terrible. I mean, you are bad but not terrible. You aren't disgusting. You are just lost. People like my family are disgusting, terrible. Someone who took the wrong turn on the path isn't terrible or disgusting" I said, wanting him to know that he wasn't what he said. I mean, he did protect me. He did let me live in his house. He didn't torture me like my family did.

"Why are you so against finding the right way again? If only you could just listen to Allah so He could listen to you.." I dared to say. He suddenly pushed me against the wall next to him. It didn't hurt, but it took me off guard. I looked at him with frightening eyes. My heart started beating faster and I regretted immediately what I said, even though his scent was calming me down.

"Now you listen good. Don't ask any questions about my life and don't try to give me advice when you should first reflect on your own life, since that one is messed up too, maybe even more" he hissed through his teeth, looking at me with an angry look that would normally scare me. I grabbed his arms and pushed him back.

"Sorry for trying to be there for you and make your life better, since I gave up on mine. Now get out, I want to be alone" I said and walked away so he could get out. He didn't say anything and just walked out. I jumped when he shut the door hard. Tears were prickling my eyes. I was good for nothing. Nothing. Never enough. It wasn't like I was expecting any different. Everyone hated me. My body started shaking and I sat down on the floor because if I didn't, I would've fell. I pulled my hair. The voices of my family were surfacing in my ears. 'Worthless', 'We are going to sell you, he will do more than we did, your lovely 'husband', 'You are not worth anything!', 'You will never be happy', 'Just kill yourself and save everyone the waste', 'You are nothing to us'. Everything they did, to me and my grandma, came back. I always knew how to shut out my feelings and the memories of all of that but now, I couldn't. I started banging my head to the wall lightly, trying to break everything from inside me. Suddenly I felt someone shaking me and slapping my face that made me even more scared. It was going to happen again, I knew it. I started shaking even more and even though I wanted to protect myself from the shaking and slapping, I couldn't move. It was meant to be.

"Aneel, get yourself here right now!" A woman yelled. I felt a bit more relaxed when I heard his name. What kind of feeling was this? I hate him but still wanted to be with him all the time. He hurt me the same as they did, mentally. And still was it him, always him. Why..

~~~~~~

Final Editing Done (24-10-2016)