W O R D C O U N T 4152

Thankyou all ♥ your support means everything.

"You knew?" Somehow I managed to catechize her. "Yes. I did." She replied nonchalantly. "Since when?" I asked her. I could feel my pulse in my throat. "A week or more." She answered, no hint of loathing or detestation in her voice. Why wasn't she even cursing me? Did she not understand that I killed her parents?

"And You still love him? What kind of a daughter are you? How can you love your parents killer?" Uzair's agitation radiated off him as he rubbed the blood from his face.

"It was an accident Uzair. He didn't murder them. It wasn't done purposely. He is not at fault. If not his car, it would have happened from someone else's car. It was ALLAH's Qadar. He is not to be blamed nor is anybody else." She clamored. I couldn't believe this was happening. I was persistently crying. Tear after tear kept on falling as guilt and culpability spread through my veins. She knew it all along and she loved me despite of it.

"How did you find out?" I asked her. She looked at me without any display of emotion, "Ammi called me. We met and she told me everything." I was about to take a step ahead when Uzair barged in again. "Did she tell you that he his holding Ahad as a hostage?" Anaabiya's eyes immediately snapped to him and she looked at him as if he had grown horns. "What are you saying? Enough is enough Uzair. He knows nothing about Ahad's whereabouts or he would have told me. He knows how troubled I am because of it. He would never hide it from me." She yelled at him. I just wanted to take my gun out and shoot that s** o* a b**** right now.

"If you don't believe me, you can ask him." Her eyes abruptly darted towards me as she scrutinized me under her intense gaze. "Humza." Her voice was sharp and claculative.

I couldn't find myself to answer it. I was done with the lies. "He is right. We found him a few days back." I answered. "Why didn't you tell me then? Are you holding him as a captive?" Her serrated voice impaled through my ears and now I feared for her reaction.

"Yes because he was the one who tried to kill you and me at the night of the party. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to feel hurt." All the colors from her face had drained off and I knew she must have had the similar reaction when my mother had told her about her parents death. "It's not the truth. Ahad can never do that. I know him." She was literally shouting and I couldn't understand as to why was she still taking his side.

"Malika has finally revealed to us. It was Him Anaabiya. He fooled you and me." I let out the bitter truth.

"I can't believe it. You believed that idiot." She snarled. "We have evidence against him Anaabiya. I am not stupid to have accused him because somebody said so. Besides he accepted it too." She slumped down to the ground and kept on crying incessantly. I just wanted to wrap her in my arms and soothe her right now.

"Ahad can't do this, trust me. I can't believe this. I can't believe you lied to me. All this while when I couldn't sleep thinking about his well being, you lied to me that you knew nothing." She kept on weeping and wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "Ask him about Ahad's condition. Ask him how he has been treating him." Uzair pointed out.

"Can you just leave before I kill you." I glared at him. "I am not going to leave Anaabiya. She needs me. She deserves to know the truth." His words hit a nerve and I began to shake my head vigorously. "She is my wife you moron. Just leave. I'll take her home." I began to lower myself down too.

"Anaabiya let's go ho.." I began but she interrupted. "No." She moved away from my touch. "No?" I asked her quizzically.

"I am not going with anyone of you. I need to be alone. I don't know whom should I believe and whom I shouldn't. Just leave me alone you two." I felt as if someone was constantly striking me with a hammer. "Anaabiya listen to me. I know you are angry. I should have told you but even you didn't tell me about your meeting with him but I understood. Right? You..." I know it was childish but I panicked. I don't know what I was saying but I was just trying to convince her as more and more dread filled my heart.

"Really Humza? You understood? You were leaving me. You said you wouldn't care if I ran away with him. I stopped you Humza. You would have left me. It was that easy for you. Leaving me was that easy. I let you become my happiness and that's where I went wrong." Her eyes were full of unshed tears. Sadness and dejection quite obvious in them.

"I am sorry. Let's just go home. We'll talk about it. I'll explain everything. Just come with me." I began to reach for her hands again.

"I said don't touch me. I am done with all of you." She began to stand on her foot and I followed her actions. She wouldn't do this to me.

She wouldn't leave me right?

Her eyes were clogged and rufous. The tip of her nose too was a little red and her lips were slightly swollen. "Don't follow me. I want to stay alone and if you harm each other, you will only push me further away." she didn't even look at me while saying it. I kept my head rooted to the ground. My fears came true. ALLAH finally did it. She was leaving me.

She began to walk away and as much as I wanted to follow her and stop her, I didn't know what to say. She kept on walking further away, the distance between us was surging with every step and I began to feel all the more desolate.

What would I do without her? I can't live.

Fuck!

I twirled around and sprinted behind her towards the portal. She was about to exit when I embosomed her from behind, pressing my head into the crook of her neck. "Please. Don't leave me. I... I wouldn't survive a day without seeing you." I felt her uneven breath and I knew she was crying again. She began to struggle under my hold. "Please just don't do this to me. Punish me any other way, just not this way Anaabiya. Stay in my house. I wouldn't come near you, I promise." I was sobbing like a small child who was being deprived of buying his favorite toy. After much struggle, She was finally able to move my hand away. "Humza let me go." She cried.

"Tell me you are going just for a day." I held her close again but she pushed me back slightly. "I'll come back when I will be able to prove you that Ahad did nothing." She said with malice.

"You don't have to. I'l let him go. Just come home. I don't care if he tries to kill me again. Just come with me." I spoke incoherently.

"That's the point Humza. I know it's not him which means someone will still try to hurt you again. You might not be in love with me but I am, and I wouldn't let anybody hurt you two. You don't have to worry about me. I'll live with my colleague. She lives near by. I just need some time alone. Please take care of Nabiha. That's all I am asking of you." I couldn't believe she was still taking his side. "Will you talk to me on phone?" I asked hurriedly. "I'll call you when I'll feel better." I knew it was not going to happen amy time soon.

She abandoned me and went out. Some people were already looking at us, enjoying the scene. I watched her as she hailed a cab and left me without sparing me a glance. She took away a part of me, the most integral part to be precise and that was her.

As soon as reality sinked in, I began to walk into an unknown direction and I had no idea for how long had I been walking. All I knew was that I wasn't ready to go back home. I lost her and I hurt her the most. The deal was sealed. My phone vibrated in my pockets and I reached for it to read a message from Huzaifa.

The message only worsened my condition. Why was Allah doing this to me?

I was going to be alone again. I almost crushed my phone in my hand. I began to run. It was the only way to take out my frustration. I ran for about a kilometer when I began to run out of breath. I was panting hard. The void in my heart still remained. The frustration was still there.

I came across a bar and there was no other way I could forget all of this. So I calmed myself down and I went in to drown myself in the pool of sin.

My cell phone kept on vibrating but I couldn't think. I kept on drinking until I couldn't think properly at all. A few girls in the bar tried to grab my attention but I wasn't ready to cheat on my wife and I knew I never will be. I had already caused enough damage. It was the only sane thought I had currently. I texted Huzaifa to let Ahad go. I was ready to be killed for Anaabiya. I didn't care. I had gulped two bottles of alcohol and it had started to numb the pain already.

After paying for my drinks, I walked with the last bottle in my hand to ALLAH knows where. I had to go back to my car but I was stumbling miserably. My head was throbbing. People around me looked at me with disdain and disgust. I kept on walking but the school didn't come in sight nor did my car. My eyes felt extremely heavy. I just wanted to sleep. There was no way I could safely go back to my car. Hence I began to search for a hotel. At least I could stay there today. I found a hotel and went in to book myself a room.

Even the receptionist gave me a look of repugnance. People were so fast in judging one another. She asked me for the money and I dipped my hands in my pocket to take out my wallet. My pocket was empty and so I began to shuffle for my other pocket. "Oneeee minute." I slurred. I didn't have my wallet in it nor my phone.

Fuck! I cursed loudly. Great! What worse could have happen?

I must have left it in the bar. "Excuse meeee." I excused myself and somehow staggered on my feet, swaying a little on my way out. As soon as I was on the road, I looked at my left and then to my right. I was still unable to decide which way had I even come from. I kept on cursing because that was the only thing keeping me conscious. So now Allah wanted me to go die on streets like a beggar. Just in one day, one single day he took away my every thing, leaving me helpless.

I knew I was going to collapse soon and I just needed a safe place. I looked around for a bench, even that would do but I found none.

"Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar"

(Allah is the greatest, Allah is the greatest) The call for prayer echoed throughout the streets and I looked around for its source but found no mosque.

I ignored the guilty feeling that erupted in my chest. It always happened when I heard the Azaan. I was trying my best to ignore it. My bottle was empty so I tossed it in the dustbin on the side walk.

"Hayya 'Alas Salat"

(Come towards the prayers) the Azaan continued and the void in my chest kept on increasing.

"Hayya 'Alas Salat"

(Come towards the prayers). Allah doesn't love me. He took everything away.

"Hayya 'Alal Falah"

(Come towards the success) I looked at the masjid which was visible from quite some distance now.

"Hayya 'Alal Falah"

(Come towards the success) A thought popped in my not so sober mind. Atleast I could rest there. For now it was the only safe place.

I somehow managed to reach the masjid. Some people were already entering it. There were not many people but all of them eyed me with disgust and refrained themselves from being touched by me.

That's our society for you. Always judgmental. I walked in into the familiar surroundings. All eyes were on me and I felt extremely dizzy. I looked at one corner and tottered towards it. I collapsed on the floor which was covered with red carpets. For some unknown reason I felt extremely safe and at peace. I knew people were looking at me but I didn't care. A masjid was for everyone. My eyes began to feel extremely heavy and so I let it close. I let darkness embrace me.

It felt as though I had been sleeping for years. I gritted my teeth when bright lights almost blinded me. Alcohol was finally out of my system. I just had the after effects. The headache to be exact.

I leisurely opened my one eye, only to come face to face with one of the most handsome faced man I had ever seen. He was extremely old. He had white beard and a turban like thing on his head. He was wearing a white kurta paijama but that's not what caught my attention. He was smiling at me. The noor on his face wasn't normal. It could almost blind a person. He had a different cologne which was absolutely alluring.

"Who are you?" I began to try my best to get up. I expected him to look at me with disgust too but he didn't. He helped me sit. "Assalamo alaikum. I am a muazzin and imaam of this masjid." He smiled kindly.

"Walaikum assalam." I replied although I rarely did to any other person but it was something that came from within this time and I couldn't stop myself.

"Here take this." He handed me a glass of water. I wasn't sure if he could poison me so I eyed it with suspicion. I Mean I had enemies, I had to be prepared. "Don't worry it's not poison. It's Zam-Zam. It'll clean everything within if you drink it with full trust on Allah." I looked at the water again and it seemed normal. I don't know what was happening. I felt as if I was under some spell and I was obliged to follow his instructions.

I took one gulp and it felt normal. I emptied the glass because I was extremely thirsty. "Thank you. What time is it? I need to go back home." I began to look for a watch.

"Can't you see that you are home." He was still smiling at me. My heart was feeling extremely heavy like a burden was being drawn upon it. I felt as though any moment I could break into sobs like a small child.

"This is not my home. It's been years since I came here. If this was my home, Allah would have called me here earlier." I mocked looking around. It was pretty same till now, except for the cream walls. They were of different color back then.

"He's been calling you ever since you left. You need to hear it properly. Perhaps, didn't it occur to you that he could have left you to sin more but he let you in instead. You didn't have any other place to go. He brought you here." I looked away in my vague attempt to hide my tears. How did he know everything?

"Allah doesn't love me. He let me sin. He let me alone." I felt a lone tear escape my eyes. I looked back at him and this time he wasn't smiling.

"Would you like to come with me? I need to show you something." His voice had a strange comforting effect to it. Like I said I felt as though I was under some kind of enchantment. The lights were too scintillating and I had to constantly rub my eyes to see properly. He lead me to an unknown passage inside the mosque. I was astonished to find no single man around us. What time of the day was it?

A masjid would never be so empty.

I followed him until we reached a small courtyard where there were placed around forty to fifty pieces of clay pots. Some pots were perfectly made while some were out of shape. There was one single potter who was still doing pottery. I looked at him in confusion. What do I see in this?

The muazzin turned to look at me. "You see him?" He grinned. "Yes." I replied.

"Go to him and ask him to break any of his pots." His tone was serious. He actually was asking me to do it. "Go ahead. Trust me. There is a lesson in everything you see. You just need the eyes to look at it." I sucked in a sharp breath and walked towards the potter. He looked up to me with a puzzled expression "Yes. How may I help you? Do you want to buy my pots?" The man beamed. "No.. Actually.. Umm." I scratched the back of my head. "I was asking if you could please break any of your pots for me. Even the ones which are slightly crooked would do." The man turned red from anger. "Are you crazy? They are my pots. I made them with so much love and effort and you are asking me to break them?" The man shouted at me and I found my temper rising as well. The muazzin wants me to get beaten up.

"I am sorry." I apologized and walked back to where the old man stood. "Why would you ask me to do such a reckless thing? He wouldn't break any of his pots. It's precious to him. He made it on his own." I spat but he only kept on sniggering.

"Exactly. He is just a human who loves his pots even though they are not perfect. What do you think about ALLAH?" I was shunned. I couldn't breathe. Everything clicked so perfectly. "He created you Humza and you think he doesn't love you. He loves you way too much. You might never understand but don't underestimate his mercy. You are alive. He is giving you chances to return to him. Everyday, trust me every single day the angel of death could be asking Allah if he should take away your soul. Your sins are too many but do you know what ALLAH says? He says he is waiting for you." I was stunned. This was it. This was my breaking point. I broke into sobs. I cried like never before. My tears were unstoppable. "Turn back to ALLAH, Humza. Nobody can love you as much as he does. He has been waiting for your sujood since quite some time now. Trust him, he will fix what has been broken." I shut my eyes and collapsed on the floor. I curled up into a ball and kept on sobbing until I felt a hand on shoulder. "What's wrong?" I heard an unfamiliar voice.

"Hello.. Brother.. Are you okay?" Another man spoke.

"I am sorry. I am sorry ALLAH." I began to chant nonstop. I couldn't stop myself.

I suddenly felt drops of water being sprinkled on my face and I abruptly opened my eyes.

The whole thing had hit me like a thunderbolt as I stared back at the numerous unknown faces. Some had concern written all over their faces while some just stared back. I looked around to find myself exactly at the same spot where I had collapsed when I came here.

Was it a dream? That muazzin? I looked around searching for the old man but he wasn't there.

"Excuse me." I heard a man's voice as he made his way through the crowd. As soon as my eyes settled on his face, a look of bewilderment crossed mine. He was a carbon copy of the man in my dreams, except for he is much younger than the muazzin.

"Assalamo alaikum brother. Are you fine?" He sat beside me. "Walaikum assalam." I replied still staring back at his face. I was gobsmacked. I have never met him before. I still couldn't understand what had happened.

"Here drink this." My head began to pound when I saw the familiar glass in his hands. It was full of water.