the back of the hard desk chair, a pen in his hand.

He'd only been at college for a week and he was already swamped with various assignments.

But his head was swimming, he couldn't focus.

So instead, Joshua picked up his phone and went to the Instagram app.

He switched his account to the burner account he had created a couple of days ago.

Joshua's search history had only one account and one account only.

It's just to check up and see how the music thing was going.

At least that was what Joshua told himself.

But deep down and he wouldn't admit this to anyone, he just wanted to see her.

A knock on the door caused Joshua to stir from his thoughts.

When Joshua opened the door, he found himself looking down at his brother Caleb and a girl with brown skin and hazel eyes.

"Um, is something wrong?" Joshua askers.

Caleb frowned, "Did you forget? I told you I was bringing Marie over so y'all could meet."

"Oh. Um, well can we do this later? I'm kinda busy." Joshua replied.

"No, we can't. Don't be a dick." Caleb widened his eyes as he mouthed the last part of his statement.

Joshua squinted his eyes at his brother then sighed and opened his door to indicate that they should come in.

"Y'all can sit." Joshua gestured to the bean bag chairs he had brought from his room at home.

As soon as the door was closed Caleb sighed then dropped his car keys onto Joshua's desk, "Okay. So I didn't bring her here just for y'all to meet. Marie is a psych major."

Joshua looked at Marie who had the decency to look embarrassed then back to his brother.

Joshua tugged a hand down the lower half of his face in slight aggravation, "You bought her here to give me what? An impromptu therapy session."

"He said that'd you be great practice." Marie chirped and then grew quiet at the expression that Joshua was giving her.

"You seem off." Caleb said.

"I'm just tired." Joshua lied.

Caleb and Marie passed each other a look which caused Joshua to scowl.

"Look," Caleb started to say after a moment, "Mom is thinking about getting you a therapist out here. I told her to wait on a decision until you talked to Marie."

Joshua let out a loud groan, "Fine."

Marie readjusted herself in the bean bag chair then gave Joshua an expectant look.

"Um," Joshua ran through ways to exclude names, "I kinda went through something before I left for college and it left me feeling... I don't know... Hollow, kinda?"

"Hmm, why do you think that you might be feeling that way?" Marie asked in an understanding tone.

"I had to leave someone behind and now I'm wondering if that the right decision." Joshua confessed.

"Who'd you leave behind?" Marie questioned.

Joshua was quiet.

"What's making you start to question your decision?" Marie tried again.

"I just... I know my path and I didn't want her, I mean that someone to get hurt if I have to move on." Joshua tried to cover up his slip up but by the conspiratorial look that Marie shot Caleb, they had both caught his mistake.

Shit.

"So, this person is a girl. Is it romantic or platonic?" Marie raised an eyebrow.

Joshua bit his lip, glanced at his brother who was staring him down expectedly then looked away.

"Right. You're heartbroken." Marie said in a explanatory tone.

There was a beat and then Caleb started to laugh wildly and wipe his eyes, "Him? You think that he's heartbroken? Oh. Oh, shit my stomach hurts."

Joshua tried to force a laugh as well but laughing and smiling hadn't been in him lately.

Shit, maybe he was heartbroken.

Whatever expression passed on Joshua's face as he sorted out his thoughts was enough for Caleb to cease his giggles.

"Josh?" Caleb scrunched his eyebrows, "Is that really what's going on?"

Part of Joshua wanted to say no and deny, deny, deny.

The louder part of him was tired of hiding his feelings all the damn time.

"I mean, it might be." Joshua mumbled, turning his face away.

"Who?" Caleb demanded.

Marie put her hand on his chest, "Who it is doesn't matter."

"Shit, it does to me! Who is it?" Caleb pressed.

"You're not gonna believe me even if I do say her name. Plus it doesn't matter. I fucked up so," Joshua shrugged.

"You're giving up then? Really?" Caleb said.

"What am I supposed to do? I'm out here, she still lives in L.A... It wouldn't have worked." Joshua replied.

"Imma leave therapist Marie in the hallway for a second," Marie coughed and a thick Houston accent flowed out of her voice, "You know that's bullshit, right?"

Joshua screwed up his face and Marie continued, "Do you like her? Don't think just answer, do you like her?"

"Of course I do."

"What do you like about her?" Marie asked.

Joshua's mind drifted to Ayoluwa, "Well, she's blunt and she's in tune with spirituality. And the way she views the world is just..." Joshua let out a half smile, "So special."

"And you wanna give that up?" Marie pressed.

"No!" Joshua blurted.

It was silent again before Caleb spoke.

"I never thought I would see the day," Caleb smirked, "My baby bro finally found someone to settle down with."

Joshua rolled his eyes, "Did you not hear me say that I fucked it up?"

Caleb reached for Marie's hand to help her up, "I heard you. So go and make it right, dumb ass."

Caleb and Marie headed towards the door.

"Wait! You forgot your car keys." Joshua jangled the object.

Caleb shot him a wicked grin, "No, I didn't."

Then Caleb shut the door, leaving Joshua alone with the keys.

He stared at the collection of keys, glanced at the homework waiting for him and then rose unsteadily from his desk chair.

Let's hope I don't fuck this up again, Joshua thought to himself as he slid on some shoes and headed out the door again.

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