The sky was overcast but the sun had almost claimed its throne as hinted by the streaks of silver, pink and orange above. The autumn air felt cool and comforting but it was the orchestrated voices of the birds that beckoned Yan Mei Ling to slip early from her tent into the deep forest.

As she walked on the damp ground where the grasses were bathed with nature's dew, she noticed a bird. It was a hawk or a falcon but she was not sure. The bird was flying swiftly ahead of her to a farther place.

'Does it feel trapped just like the way I do?' Yan Mei Ling silently mused.

She had spotted a huge fallen tree in front of her, blocking the way. But she opted to jump over it instead of taking another route to avoid it. The action was seemingly impulsive and dangerous but she delighted in throwing the caution to the wind, every now and then. Whenever she jumped, she loved the feeling of being suspended on the air though ephemeral the feeling might seemed to be.

Her feet had picked up another pace and urged herself faster, away from the camp that gave her nothing but the feeling of emptiness and desolation. It was somehow ironic how the urge to get as far as away from the camp could be so intense, considering that she had wished and envisioned this kind of life as a child.

Nothing stayed constant in this world. Human emotions were so fickle. What you wished for, might not be the one that you wanted when it was already given to you.

As of this moment, she could not discern what she wanted for the loneliness that had continuously gnawed at her heart. Her depression played havoc with her thoughts and emotions. She did not want to think of her pain nor did she want to drown herself in the ocean of sadness but neither was evitable.

All she wanted right now was to extricate herself from all the gloomy thoughts even for a brief moment in time. She wanted to go back home now. But somehow, she derived a certain kind of peace from running.

Running or moving her body had its means of liberating herself for she seemed to forget all worries as the swift breeze was whipped into her face. Every time she ran, she felt as if she was racing against something - she did not know what but she wished to out-win it. She loved to push herself to the limit. Push herself beyond the bounds of her physical strength. Fight the imaginary opponents that her active mind would conjure.

While she was running or jumping from tree to another tree, her mind had wandered to the people she loved.

'Are they safe?' Her heart could only hope.

'Are they thinking of me like what I have been doing now?'

'Have I caused them distress when I left without any further notice?' Yan Mei Ling thought guiltily and as if she was lost in her thoughts. She stumbled upon a small rock unto the soft forest ground.

She lay still for a moment, listening desperately to the sounds of her struggled breathing against the silence of the forest. She stood up even though a sharp pain shot through her knees. It was only too late that she realize why she had stumbled. Tears had blinded her vision and worries had dulled her perception.

She slowly touched her lips when she tasted something metallic from her tongue. When she looked at her forearms, she was stunned to see her bruises decorating them. It would have been normal for her to feel hurt as what the irritating pain of her wounds had implied but the physical pain she felt right now seemed pale in comparison to the pain she felt in her heart.

True, emotional pain most of the time ran deeper than the physical for it could hurt you in many ways you would imagine. It seemed unrealistic but when the pain was too much your heart could possibly handle, it would thwart with your sanity and torture your already baffled mind. And what would physical pain say to that? Absolutely, nothing.

Physical pain could exist only for a short period of time but emotional pain could be eternal.

Desolation and worry had terribly fractured Yan Mei Ling's heart. She was going insane; she couldn't stop but thought about her loved ones and the things she regretted doing. But, unfortunately, when she thought, all she could see was uncertainty.

How could she be at peace when she was a thousand miles away from the people she cherished? What would she feel but anguished when she was not provided any assurance of their well-beings?

Yan Mei Ling desperately tried to wipe the tears that streamed down her eyes. But, aghastly, as she wiped the tears from her eyes, the more incessant they seemed to be.

Oh, she missed all of the people she loved - her father, Yeng, Master, the villagers, and Lei Shuang. Especially Li Lei Shuang.

She took something from her chest and stared at the exquisite containment that bore the beautiful pearl and jade encrusted knife. It was her best friend's gift to her when they strolled the town to buy sweetmeats, two summers ago. She had always brought it and placed it near her heart wherever she go. It was her link to Li Lei Shuang every time they were away from each other. She cried harder as the pounding thing inside her chest tightened.

'Your handwriting is improving, Yan Mei Ling,' Lei Shuang told Mei Ling proudly.

'Truthfully?' Yan Mei Ling dubiously asked as she stared at her own crude handwriting. She took a quick peek at Li Lei Shuang's calligraphy and blushed in deep shame. Her best friend's handwriting was a work of art whereas hers was worthy of being called a duck's muddy steps than calligraphy.

'Truthfully,' Li Lei Shuang said with sincerity shining in her beautiful eyes. 'And the more you will be better if you give more time to calligraphy than martial arts.'

'Hmmp,' Yan Mei Ling snorted with displeasure in reference to the time she spent training martial arts with Master Tang Jiao Quon at the mountain. But, after a moment, an enthusiastic gleam came to her eyes. 'Before I forget, Li Lei Shuang, may I remind you of your promise to give me sweatmeats every time you notice a progress in my handwriting?'

'Certainly, my sweet, I will give you aplenty as soon as we are done with our calligraphy lesson.' Li Lei Shuang tenderly said as she caressed Yan Mei Ling's healthy pink cheeks.

'Oh, thank you, Li Lei Shuang,' Yan Mei Ling exclaimed excitedly. 'You certainly are the best of all friends I ever have.'

"Oh, Li Lei Shuang," Yan Mei Ling sobbed brokenly as she tenderly kissed the knife's containment. It was inevitable, she allowed sadness and misery to swallow her being for she could not take it anymore. She felt that if she would try to ignore the pain, she would die for her heart could not hold it. She had to let it go and stop pretending that she was tough for she truly was not - her heart was not made of stone.

"It is perfectly fine to cry even if it is away from the eyes of other people, Tang Lao Fang," someone said behind Mei Ling.

Yan Mei Ling was startled that she stopped crying.

How come he is here?

She looked back to confirm the identity of the person who was behind her.

It is indeed him.

She felt displeasure coursing through her veins at being robbed the privacy to be alone with the tumultuous feeling she was trying to sort out.

"What are you doing here, jinzhou?" Yan Mei Ling demanded with irritation. "Are you spying on me?"

"No," Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei shook his head. "I assure you, Tang Lao Fang, our paths have crossed today only because of chance not because I am spying on you."

Yan Mei Ling roughly wiped the tears on her eyes and scowled at him. "I don't care if you are my jinzhou or if you are a better warrior than I but I am immensely ired of your intrusion of my privacy. I doubt if our paths have crossed only because of chance. Obviously, you are spying on me for the truth is you don't trust me. I can sense it. Within your heart, you think that I can be a spy for the enemy and you might have only admitted me into the army to investigate on me and my motives. Am I not correct?"

Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei was stupefied by Tang Lao Fang's accusations for they were partly true. But, honestly, he never doubted the boy's motives for he could detect sincerity eventhough it was eclipsed with words or even actions. He only wanted to know why Tang Lao Fang went to the forest and, he was only concerned for him for what if the Hsien army arrived here and caught Tang Lao Fang. "No, I am not doubting your motives. I just want to make sure you are safe for you seem lonely at the camp."

"So are you following me?" Yan Mei Ling snapped indignantly.

Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei stared at her for a moment but the look on his face revealed no hint of emotion. Instead, he quietly answered, "I only want to make sure you are safe, Lao Fang."

"I can take care of myself," Yan Mei Ling said with less anger when she realized that the Jinzhou was only concerned for her well-being. Her childish outburst and harsh accusations were totally unaccounted for, and the realization had made her feel ashamed of her actions.

"I know you can for I trust in your abilities but, as a leader, it is my duty to protect all of my subordinates even if they are self-sufficient. For if I lose even just one of them, then I am lacking as a leader."

"I just want to be alone even for a moment, jinzhou," Yan Mei Ling said softly after a moment, her eyes downcast.

"I understand and I admit, I must have been too overprotective that I forget that everyone need some time to be alone. Please forgive me for my lapses, Lao Fang."

Yan Mei Ling looked at Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei whose face remained stoic, and nervously swallowed the lump in her throat. What was in him that made her feel ashamed and conscious of her actions? His nearness seemed to disturb her in a way that she could not define. "I apologize as well for my outburst, jinzhou. It is totally childish of me."

"Apology accepted," Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei said with a ghost of a smile. "Anyway, don't wander too far in the forest and return to the camp as soon as the sun rose completely for we are going to start a military exercise to prepare ourselves against the Hsein clan. Do you follow, Lao Fang?"

"Yes, jinzhou," Yan Mei Ling said though she was confused whether she would smile or not but she chose the latter for it seemed safer.

"Good," Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei said. He immediately left without looking back.

As soon as Jinzhou Lu Wang Wei left, Yan Mei Ling had almost forgotten the reason why she came to the forest. In a way, the jinzhou's enigmatic presence had felt more comforting than being alone in the forest with nothing but her misery to accompany her. Surprisingly, she did not know why she seemed to think so.

The feeling that the jinzhou evoked in her seemed baffling for she wondered what it really was. One thing she was sure of was whenever he was near her, she felt two opposite emotions at the same time. One she could easily define and the other she would not wish to acknowledge. It was hysterical for it seemed impossible to feel such nor for someone to make you feel such way.

Yan Mei Ling sighed wearily then she spotted the bird who had flew ahead of her in the forest once again - up to this moment, she still was not sure if it was a hawk or falcon - but this time, she was surprised for it was heading swiftly to the direction of their camp.

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Author's Note:

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