"Semper Fidelis." -Unknown

Always Faithful.

Whatever this thing the two has, it has been going on for over a year. The cycle of Eddy wanting to reach out physically and Brett lets him, then Brett does not make any meaning of the touch because he didn't want to get his hopes up. The cycle repeats and Eddy feels rejected but doesn't say it to Brett. He felt like he didn't have the right to voice it out. Eddy becomes distant again and Brett makes the little compromises.

They never really spoke about it. Well, mostly Eddy. Brett was still trying to be honest with Eddy, the only difference is he omitted the feelings. He was still honest in a sense that he spoke his mind. Eddy always knew what was going on in his head.

It used to be Brett looking at him with longing. Brett still did that, but now the look was more evident on Eddy's face. Maybe Brett had gotten better at keeping his longing to a minimum. Eddy was still trying to come to terms with it, but it was too obvious in his face.

They were sat on the dining table, reminiscent of them three years ago, in Sydney. Things were good back then, as much as Brett hated to admit it. He hated Sydney because of the distance with Eddy. He loved it for the same reason, though.

Brett handed him a plate of home cooked meal from Mama Yang that Brett just heat up. Eddy smiled at him, looking up with a mix of gratitude and longing. Brett returned the smile.

"Ma said you might be eating like shit so she made you that."

"Yeah, man. I missed Chinese food cooked by an actual Chinese person." Eddy exclaimed, laughing at his friend.

Brett just sat down across him, watching the love of his life with contentment. He felt like he didn't need more. They're friendship is now semi-normal. Maybe except the longing, but then again, Brett was a friend when he was longing for Eddy.

Brett wasn't blind. He knew exactly what longing looked like even with just a glance but he didn't want to assume. Maybe it wasn't for him or maybe he was just in the right place when Eddy was longing for someone else.

Eddy started to feel his head hurt. He felt like his chest was being constricted and he looked up at Brett. Brett knew what this was the moment Eddy closed his eyes. Brett guided him on the couch and let him lay down. It was hard to process memories that aren't exactly yours.

Eddy Chen on the other hand could not stop thinking. He cannot stop thinking about all the possibilities of being with Brett Yang. From the simplest things to the more complex and bigger things, Eddy had thought about it all.

What would it feel like to hold hands with him? To be held by him with no shame, to be kissed by those soft lips, to be loved by those words that romances, to be with him? Oh, to be loved by Brett Yang. What would it feel like to be loved back by him?

Oh, to be free to love with Brett Yang. Edward Chen just wanted to love Brett Yang without the consequences of it being illegal. To be out with him in public and hold his hand, to own a house with him, to adopt children with him and most importantly, to be married to him. Oh, to be free and love Brett Yang.

Am I a criminal because I am simply in love?

Edward thought as he dwelled on the thoughts of being with Brett Yang. Eddy thought of it as though Brett Yang loved him back. Who could love Edward, anyway? He is difficult and sometimes he is out of his mind. It does not matter, though.

All these thoughts are fantasies because Brett does not love him back. Should Edward make the first move and let his love be known? Would it be too bad if he told the older man the truth of where his heart lies? Where his mind wanders and where his soul longs to be? Was it too soon to call it love?

Edward opened his eyes and sighed deeply. His reverie was cut off by his older sister's voice.

"Eddy, I've been calling you for the past minutes, are you sure that you are not sick?"

"I am grand, Belle. I'm simply just tired."

"Well, Eddy if you are tired, you shall rest. It is bad if you keep exhausting yourself."

"That is certainly true, now if you'll excuse me, I'll be heading to bed early."

"Certainly, younger brother."

After that exchange, Edward lied down on his bed and pulled the covers over his head. He closed his eyes and continued to imagine a life with Brett Yang. He could tell you that it certainly is a deadly idea to visualize things like this but he does not care anymore.

If I cannot have Brett Yang in this lifetime, then I might as well have him here. Even though they are merely dreams, it is better than not having him at all.

Eddy was snapped back to reality, seeing Brett knelt down beside him. He started crying so hard. He was so confused he can't do anything but cry. Eddy held on to Brett as he started crying.

Brett immediately opened his arms and hugged the younger man in his arms. Brett can't do anything but run his hand back and forth across Eddy's back. Eddy was too out of it to notice his ticklishness so he didn't mind. It was comforting, too.

When he was done crying, he pulled away. Brett gave him a glass of water and some painkillers for the headache. Eddy took them and lied back down. Brett grabbed Eddy's blanket from the room and places it over Eddy.

"Was that normal?" Eddy asked groggily, looking at Brett who sat on the floor.

"Yeah, pretty much." Brett replied.

Brett was scared, feeling like maybe it wasn't him who Eddy saw in his past life. Or maybe he will look for someone else. Brett didn't want to be selfish but he can't help it. He felt very sad but he can't let Eddy see it.

"God, that hurt." Eddy exclaimed, closing his eyes.

Brett didn't say anything more, letting Eddy sleep. He felt like Eddy needed the rest. Memories from the past life are painful, even when happy.

"I bet you've felt that so vividly before." Eddy started quietly with his eyes closed.

"Maybe. It's different for everyone." Brett said, looking at Eddy.

He was checking for discomfort and pain but he saw that he felt a bit okay. Brett was about to stand up but he felt a hand on his wrist, gently holding him in place.

"Don't go... I don't wanna be alone." Eddy pleaded, his voice soft and eyes still closed.

"I wasn't gonna... I just have to grab something." Brett replied, heart fluttering and his headspace not in a calm state.

"Okay, be back soon. I want something to hold close to me."

Brett went to the bathroom and changed into more comfortable clothes. It was midday but he figured that they couldn't film today. He returned once he changed and walked to where Eddy was lying down.

He was about to sit down again on the same spot but Eddy tugged on his arm lightly. Brett gave in and placed his body next to Eddy's. He removed his glasses and set it on the coffee table.

"You're actually so small, we could fit in here." Eddy said with awe as he held Brett closer to him.

"Shut the fuck up, dude. I'm not that small. You're not any better yourself. We're just a few centimeters apart." Brett replied, silently praying that Eddy wouldn't feel or hear the pounding of his heart against his chest.

Eddy didn't say anything more but held on. Brett held Eddy's hand as a gesture of comfort. Brett wasn't the most affectionate type but he tries for Eddy. Eddy reacted by holding Brett's hand tighter, reciprocating the comfortable grip.

"I regret not falling in love with you first." Eddy said out of the blue.

Brett unlaced their fingers and faced Eddy.

"Why? I mean, it's in the past... We don't have to dwell on that." Brett started, looking at his best friend.

"I know... But, this time I have an assurance that you're my soulmate. I wanted to have loved you first so we wouldn't end up this confused." Eddy replied.

"Eddy, I... I don't know what to say." Brett stated honestly.

"Then talk me through it. Tell me how you've stayed this faithful to me all these past years."

"I think the naive love that comes with first loves helped. It made me stay faithful until the day you might love me back... Even if the chances were little."